mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 08/10/2026I’m fukken ruthless dude. I told Ruth to get the hell outta here 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 07/10/2026careful there partner that there’s a sippin’ ranch 010
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 06/10/2026three separate bands that go on tour called “fuck nachos” “marry pizza” and “kill wings” 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 06/10/2026pringles are great until you realize every third can is secretly “oops! no salt!” 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 03/10/2026are advil and tylenol friends or are they rivals? 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 03/10/2026every fucking time a customer asks my store to do some insane outlandish bullshit that sounds nearly impossible I press them on who is telling them they need this and they go “oh I just asked AI” 031
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 25/09/2026I like my pop music French, my punk rock Mexican and my surf rock Japanese thank you very much 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 20/09/2026I bet animals think humans are birthed by city busses 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 06/09/2026in 2013 I moved from a town where they filmed the movie White Chicks to a different town where they also filmed the movie White Chicks 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 03/09/2026oh my GOD it’s FINE that she was a CIA asset and a Zionist and close collaborator with the Clintons and friends with Henry Kissinger and an anti-communist and and and and 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 03/09/2026now they can also do jello shots with gloria steinem 100
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 30/08/2026you should be able to send your doordash driver powerups like speed boosts and missiles 021
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 21/08/2026today I had to clean a swastika somebody had drawn on the store window but I used a mr. clean magic eraser and it worked so well all I can think about is mr. clean beating the shit out of hitler 010
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 19/08/2026first thing a republican does when they get to hell is take a selfie with ruth bader ginsberg 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 18/08/2026if you’re worried if your writing sounds serious enough just add “hey lois” to the beginning and see if it feels different 011
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 18/08/2026I’m a grilled cheese perfectionist, I used to make a hundred of em every Monday at my first restaurant job. So believe me when I tell you that if you get your hands on a loaf of Dutch crunch bread you’re gonna have the best grilled cheese of your life 030
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 11/08/2026lemme let you in on a lil secret pal, the truth is inconvenient to me and so I choose not to believe it 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 09/08/2026a juggalo just got on the bus and started haggling his fare with the driver 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 07/08/2026kicked out of Hamilton for cheering on Aaron Burr like he was a sports team 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 07/08/2026the real crisis in women’s sports? werewolves in the wnba 010
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 03/08/2026just saw a dude buying tp at the gas station. it could always be going worse, people 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 31/07/2026dear woke: i keep hearing you are replacing all the white people and yet they still persist, how can we move things along faster? 011
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 29/07/2026we need to revoke free speech for the rich, especially tech CEOs. call it the “shut the fuck up dork” bill 052
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 29/07/2026I shouldn’t have to hear eminem at the bank that should be illegal 010
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 15/07/2026every day I’m at work I’m like “man wish I was at the beach with a cold beer rn” and then it’s my day off and I’m like “yo FUCK the beach ain’t no videogames there smdh” 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 15/07/2026americans will be like “we haven’t lost a war in 250 years!!!” like sir you never got a hug from your dad because of what the vietcong did to his dad sit the fuck down 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 10/07/2026i’m sorry i invented liquid sandpaper and spilled it on your dick and balls that was my bad dude 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 09/07/2026ethnic cleansing sounds like a spa treatment but apparently it’s not 001
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 08/07/2026salt is in the sea clouds are in the sky God is in His heaven like “how can I fuck up this random guy?” 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 30/06/2026are YOU a bad enough dude to NOT save the president?? 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 25/06/2026it rules that the richest man on earth is a fat loser with no friends and a broken penis. the universe affords us very little joy but that, I think, was a cosmic gift 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 23/06/2026i’m built like a shit brickhouse (I collapse under pressure) 010
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 21/06/2026I need the saudis to get their shit together so I can relax 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 21/06/2026fucking hate the world cup, how am I on the ferry to vancouver and people are yelling at 9am over spain vs saudi arabia fuck right off 220
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 08/06/2026Two men enter! Both men leave! Get out of here, men!! 020
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 04/06/2026hunter biden is like they turned that “I’ll serve crack before I serve this country” tweet into a human man 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 03/06/2026as a child I hated jon lovitz (he appeared ogreish to me) but as an adult I know he is a golden age Simpsons powerhouse and also beat the piss out of Andy Dick so yeah big fan, can’t wait for The Critic to come back 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 02/06/2026modern men blame everything on their lack of access to pussy so you tell them “well go get some pussy then” and they’ll look you dead in the eye and go “no” 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 30/05/2026going back in time to the first time I smoked weed to tell myself “one day in the future boards of canada will release an album about donald trump”, which should give past me a brain haemorrhage if all goes as planned 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 22/05/2026sandwich artist at subway kept insisting on putting sauce on FIRST. buddy just who the FUCK do you think you are 000
mobby boynihan @mattbasky.bsky.social · 21/05/2026a nascar man died today, pls check on your fattest american friends 000
