iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 10/12/2024

As thirsty as the internet already is for #LuigiMangione - just imagine if they find out his back injury is from hauling around a huge one.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 09/12/2024

Heard a rumor the CEO killer is doing a feature on the next Kendrick track.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 08/12/2024

The craziest thing about the Hawk Tuah crypto story is that she didn’t call it SPITCOIN.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 06/12/2024

Oh hey #Indianapolis - I’m telling jokes, stories, truths, exaggerations, lies, bits and riffs this Sunday at Helium Comedy Club - come see about me.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 05/12/2024

The real shame about the United Health Care CEO murder is it came two months too late for a really great Halloween couples costume.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 05/12/2024

Bringing the internet together to celebrate a murder is the most United thing a for profit Health Care company has ever done.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

I go live on TikTok for the first time and simultaneously somewhere in China a low level intelligence officer proclaims “Wow, he’s a really sloppy guitar player.”

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

Webster’s has declared #BrainRot the word(s) of the year, meaning that not only was it a Brat Summer but also a Brot Year. Prepare for a Brit Christmas where you don a paper crown and exchange bottles of Brut cologne with your cousin Brett.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

Taken on its own, FX’s Say Nothing is a fantastic piece of television, but tonally it feels very out of place in the Say Anything Universe.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

Is it gouache to use bsky to self promote? Is it just for hot takes & recycled memes turned into text for validation from the masses who crave the median of wit? Did I cut & paste this from Threads? Get the answer to these questions this Sunday when I perform at Helium Comedy Club in #Indianapolis

indianapolis.heliumcomedy.com

Helium Comedy Club

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 01/12/2024

I seem to get more followers the less I post, so if this is the last thing I ever put on here, let it be this: thanks for following me. All 7 million of you.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 28/11/2024

Of all the days, Thanksgiving is the one where it is most important to be mindful and make sure you are holding space for another plate of sides and some dessert.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 28/11/2024

GUITAR FACT: You can turn a tube guitar amp’s volume up to a point where natural distortion or “breakup” occurs. It’s called “breakup” because it’s the volume at which your spouse will threaten to leave you.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 27/11/2024

New white husband wanders the aisles of the Asian market with a shopping list and a look of panic upon his face. Stay strong brother. ✊🏻

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 27/11/2024

Pro tip - if you want to see 80% of your city’s population go to the grocery store at 5pm the night before Thanksgiving.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 27/11/2024

Just unlocked a new level on guitar. Fiddled with the knobs on the guitar instead of having them all set at 10. Makes a difference! Who knew?

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 26/11/2024

Are you a Bandsintown user? Why not give me a follow to know when I’m coming to town and also to help with my social media based self-esteem. www.bandsintown.com/a/15562764-m...

bandsintown.com

Mat Alano-Martin

Find tickets for Mat Alano-Martin comedy shows near you. Browse 2024 tour dates, venue details, reviews, photos, and more at Bandsintown.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 26/11/2024

If Weird Al doesn’t do a parody of Kendrick’s “Squabble Up” called “Scrabble Up” I will be very sad. #weirdal #kendrick #squabbleup #scrabble

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 26/11/2024

Sure, RFK will be terrible for America, but he’s going to be great for my new bootlegging business running fluoride, pasteurized milk and vaccines across the border.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 25/11/2024

It really is mind boggling when you stop to consider that in a global population of 8.2 billion people spread across six continents there is a single individual somewhere whose favorite song is “Slip Of The Tongue” by Faster Pussycat.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 24/11/2024

GNX is so damn good that it almost feels like Drake should get a producer’s credit. That beef took Kendrick to a whole other level and this is the pay off. #kendrick #gnx

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 22/11/2024

Been on here for a week and have not gone viral / gotten famous so I’m calling it. Bluesky? More like BOOsky!

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 21/11/2024

HOT TAKE ALERT - the more expensive the running shoe / hiking boot the less effective the laces are. Why am I retying my $300 shoes more times in a day than I did my entire childhood?

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 21/11/2024

🎶The world is New Hampshire🎵 Hi, I’m Billy Corgan for the New England tourism board.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 20/11/2024

Damn, even the fortune cookies are like “please take care of your mental health in these challenging times.”

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 20/11/2024

Very relieved to be a man and instead of thousands of dollars in face creams and treatments I can just grow a beard and be old and no one gives me any shit about it.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 20/11/2024

If I ever meet a Scottish edgelord comedian I’m going to call him Kilt Tony.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 20/11/2024

Be honest. Are y’all not liking my skeets because I’m wearing sunglasses in my profile pic?

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 19/11/2024

My Lyft driver is chatty but not in a language I speak, so I’m just smiling and nodding and I’m just hoping I’m not agreeing to something horribly untrue like smooth peanut butter is better than crunchy.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 18/11/2024

Trying to help a disabled family member get govt assistance and to qualify you have to have less than $5000 in the bank. Oh you have more than $416 a month for your rent, utilities, groceries, gas, insurance? Stop trying to scam the system Rockefeller! Wtf.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 17/11/2024

No one else is brave enough to say it but I will. The real reason we’re upset Trump nominated RFK for Secretary of Health and Human Services is because we were hoping it would go to Hawk Tuah.

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 17/11/2024

Once I got off the interstate I drove past 37 Trump signs on the way to my gig tonight. Did I have a good set? Sure I did! I’m a pro! Ron Howard Arrested Development Narrator Voice - “He, in fact, did not have a good set.”

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 16/11/2024

What’s worse than finding a goth baby in a garbage can? Your dad throwing away all your Cure albums. #gothbabyjokes

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 16/11/2024

Saw a goth pushing an empty baby stroller which I feel like is peak goth because what’s more goth than a missing baby? A goth baby with a missing mother, probably. Oh dang, did I just start a new genre of comedy? Goth baby jokes? #goth #baby

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 15/11/2024

Just heard a Tejano cover of Snow’s “Informer” aka the Inception of cultural appropriation. Tbf it was a banger. #music #dowehashtagonbsky #lickityboomboomdown

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Reposted by Mat Alano-Martin

Chad Loder @chadloder.dev · 15/11/2024

No but seriously, @theonion.com should do an "InfoWars Files" and release all InfoWars internal emails and subscriber lists

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 15/11/2024

It is pretty wild that in late 2024 we all thought “Know what will fix this feeling of anxiety and dread and isolation? Another social media app!”

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 15/11/2024

They call it Bluesky but I haven’t seen one person talking about Blind Paducah Joe, Lexington Slim, Little Mitch McConnell (no relation), Screechin’ Cardinal or Bourbon Trail Tess. What gives? #blues #ky

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Mat Alano-Martin @matalanomartin.bsky.social · 15/11/2024

This time…this time it’ll be different!

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