iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

1.) No, you're not. 2.) No, you didn't. 3.) No, you don't. In closing, Fuck off.

An AI-laced scam email from someone pretending to be Kate Zimmerman from Andrews McMeel Publishing, expressing editorial interest in my upcoming novel Cygnus.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

It's pretty puzzling that some people are apparently only now finding out that Paul Newman was a very handsome man.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

Proof of Trump's service in the First Golf War.

President Trump, photographed at a distance mid-swing on the golf course. Behind him is a mobile surface-to-air missile battery mounted on a desert tan Humvee military utility vehicle. The launchers are raised into the sky in a defensive posture. The mobile installation is surrounded by concertina wire.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 13/07/2026

If you remember this kind of bicycle from your childhood and you haven't scheduled your first colonoscopy yet, it's high time.

An orange "chopper"-style bicycle, popular with kids in the 1970s, leaning against a circular bike rack set up around a tree. The bike is Seventies signal orange, with a banana-shaped saddle, tall "monkey bar" handles, and a tall sissy bar jutting up behind the seat.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 13/06/2026

If you see this, post your getaway vehicle

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 12/06/2026

Figured it's high time to help wrench the rudder the other way.

A declaration of candidacy form for New Hampshire state representative, filled in with the personal information of the author.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 14/04/2026

IF THIS IS YOUR DOG, COME AND GET OT OFF MY LAWN

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 13/04/2026

Au contraire. These things are society's reaction to the moral injuries done to it by the very people who have no moral compass.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 12/04/2026

Me watching the Hungarian election results:

The "Yes...HA HA HA...YES" meme from The Onion--a sinister dude wearing a t-shirt with the words SICKOS on it is looking through a window, grinning madly, and saying "Yes...ha ha ha...YES!"

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 12/04/2026

And because I am a watch nerd, I had to zoom in on the timepieces of the Artemis crew, which are Omega Speedmaster X-33 "Marstimer" Gen 2s. Analog-digital display, quartz movement, titanium case, and it can be yours for only $7k (before tariffs) if you too want to tell time like an astronaut!

The Artemis crew in their capsule, giving thumbs up to the camera. They are all wearing the same distinctive-looking watch model.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 29/03/2026

From now on this is the only way I will travel

The Moxiemobile. It's a 1920s-era orange and black Ford convertible that has been customized with a life-sized horse on top, placed where the seats would be, with a steering wheel coming out of its neck, and kitted out with full bridle and saddle.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 25/03/2026

Currywurst achieved! Store-bought ingredients, so not quite as good and authentic as one from the Pommesbude, but it'll do.

A plate of Currywurst with French fries and a dab of mayonnaise. The Currywurst is a bratwurst that has been sliced, covered in curry sauce, and sprinkled with curry powder.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 21/02/2026

Distraction-free word processing!

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 19/02/2026

"And it was on that day that Andrew learned that he can, in fact, sweat after all."

An image of Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, a man in his 60s from Norfolk, sitting in the back of a police car with a surprised and apprehensive expression.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 29/01/2026

Bruh, $50 will barely cover downtown parking in Boston for two hours.

A post from Boston Craigslist that offers $50 per person plus free tickets to see the Melania documentary as a seat filler. "Must remain in seats for entirety of film."

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 23/01/2026

WHEEE. (Guess who lives just above the I-89 sign in the 12-18" zone.)

A snowfall forecast map courtesy of the local news channel, WMUR. The snowfall predictions are in two zones--a purple one labeled 6-12", and a pink one labeled 12-18" that covers all of central and southern NH.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 06/01/2026

We look for things. We want what we want. We are strong.

A pair of Pakleds, the dumb, violent species from Star Trek: The Next Generation. They have bushy eyebrows that are vertically aligned, and dim expressions enhanced by facial prosthetics that give them droopy eyes and a slightly melted look.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 28/12/2025

Post a perfect album from the 90s that isn't nirvana, soundgarden, pearl jam, or alice in chains.

The cover of Jeff Buckley's album "Grace", the singer looking down in a pensive manner while clutching a microphone in his right hand.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 23/12/2025

“Yes, sir. A battleship, with lots of guns and missiles. And lasers too. Will be the biggest and strongest ever, absolutely. What is it going to be called? The Trump class, sir. All the guys voted.“

A poster board with an image of a G.I. Joe-ass-looking warship firing guns and lasers while launching missiles. It looks like something a bored sixth-grader designed during math class. The design is titled “Trump Class” and “USS Defiant”.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 18/12/2025

An excellent blue jay selecting from this morning's table d'hôte breakfast.

A blue jay picking up some unshelled peanuts from a pile on a green plastic plate. The blue, white, and black feathers vividly contrast against the snowy white background of the winter setting.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 18/12/2025

Bluejays swooping in on some FREE FAT.

Two bluejays, wings spread, swooping in on a plate of fat chunks left out for them to enjoy. Their plumage is vivid shades of blue, black, and white.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 30/11/2025

AI is the tool of the incompetent hack. If you don't give a shit about the quality of your output, why should anyone else? (And there's no such thing as "AI art". Art is made by humans. "AI art" is just the sludge that comes out of the blender someone else filled with stolen ingredients.)

A fountain pen resting on a notebook. The pages are covered in longhand writing that has been crossed out in many spots.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 26/11/2025

“You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.”

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 25/11/2025

“The Wool of Gay Sheep” is going to be the title of my upcoming literary novel.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 12/11/2025

The thing to know about dogs is that they exist in a special quantum state. They have never been fed until they get fed, and as soon as the last bite is gone, they revert to the never-been-fed condition.

A dark red dachshund and two floofy yellow dachshund/poodle mixes, looking imploringly at the camera because they have never even seen a food in all their lives.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 10/11/2025

It's quite telling that the only remotely personal thing Elon has ever posted on his own volition was that picture of a nightstand cluttered with diet soda cans and a replica of an anime pistol.

A picture of Elon Musk's nightstand. There are four empty Diet Coke cans, a replica flintlock, and a replica pistol from an anime. The table surface has rings from more soda cans on it. There's intense Divorced Dad energy coming from the image.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 10/11/2025

"What kind of American are you?"

A militia character in the movie Civil War, dressed in camouflage, wearing a buzzcut and pink shooting glasses, and holding an AR-15.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 05/11/2025

For the newbie writers: this is a current scam making the rounds. The goal is to get you to pay for reviews from a book club that doesn't exist. Don't fall for it. (Extra asshole points to this bunch for pretending to be from a marginalized group.)

A scam email from a "Black lesbian book club", clearly written with AI and full of generic praise for one of my books, reaching out to me to sell me reviews.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 28/10/2025

Littlest doggo likes to howl, and I've started nicknaming her "Enid" because she's "wolfing out" like Wednesday's roomie. Well, now she gets to look like Enid too because we found the kid's old hair chalk.

A small yellow dachshund-poodle mix with her longish hair floof dyed in the signature purple and pink of the Enid character in the Wednesday show on Netflix.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 23/10/2025

Local Dogs Have Hardest Lives, Local Dogs Claim

Two cute dachshund/poodle mixes sharing a comfortable recliner in a symmetrical heart-shaped position, each resting their head on their respective armrest with languid ennui.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 23/10/2025

One of the cool things about pre-ordering hardcovers is the surprise when they arrive months later when you almost forgot that you ordered them.

The hardcover edition of Philip Pullman's THE ROSE FIELD, volume three of the Book of Dust trilogy. It's a lovely rose-red, orange, and yellow desert scene, with two distant silhouettes of people riding camels across the arid landscape.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 20/10/2025

Some campaign ads just write themselves.

The destroyed East Wing facade of the White House, ripped off with heavy equipment and looking like a war zone.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 20/10/2025

Who robbed the Louvre? Right answers only.

A scene from the movie HEAT--Robert DeNiro and Val Kilmer's characters dashing across a city street with assault weapons. Robert DeNiro's character is carrying a big money bag across his back.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 14/10/2025

As atonement for snarking on British food, here's a picture of one of the many specialties of my native land. It's called Mettigel (Mett hedgehog). Mett (from Old Saxon "meti"="food") is raw minced pork, seasoned with salt, pepper, and minced onions. It's basically pork tartare.

A picture of a "mettigel", ground raw pork shaped into a hedgehog shape with onion slivers for quills and olives for eyes and nose.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 14/10/2025

"Wellana? Wellana Squirrelme? Of the Cincinnati Squirrelmes?"

A Telegram message that's clearly a "wrong number" scam. The user's name is "Wellana Squirrelme".

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 09/10/2025

"the girlfriend of one of the founders of antifa"

An image of Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music, twirling on an alpine meadow in a long Austrian skirt, next to an image of Christopher Plummer as Georg Von Trapp in the same movie, tearing a Nazi flag in half.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 07/10/2025

Got a new welcome/goodbye mat.

A welcome mat with a stitching of a black-and-tan dachshund, and the words SO LONG.

The same welcome mat, only in this shot the words SO LONG are covered by an actual dachshund aligned in the same direction as the knitted one on the mat.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 04/10/2025

It's made in Scotland from girders!

A bottle of Irn-Bru, Scotland's most popular soft drink, orange in color. The label is a vivid orange and blue.

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 26/09/2025

Yeah, sure, it's pedantic, but you can't "center around" something. (Also, this indictment is so thin that it can split atoms, and it will never hold up in front of a jury.)

Screen shot of a CNN headline that claims "Comey charge appears centered around Clinton email probe".

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Marko Kloos @markokloos.bsky.social · 08/09/2025

They pirated 29 of my works, everything I've published until 2022, including 13 novels. As Harlan Ellison would say: Fuck you, pay me.

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