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Mantis Watch

@mantiswatch.bsky.social
133 followers 213 following 136 posts

Pop-punk from the year 2384 since 2012.

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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 29/05/2026
“Still punk as fuck,” I shout desperately as I am escorted out of the Circle Jerks show while the entire audience chants “fuck off” after being called a Nazi by Keith Morris.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 29/01/2026
You can take the Gary out of the potato salad, but you can’t take the potato salad out of Gary.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 27/01/2026
Stop putting Gary in your potato salad.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 17/10/2025
If JD Vance wants me to believe that those Nazis from the group chat are just kids, the President is gonna need to fuck at least one of them.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 13/10/2025
White people will be like “I needed this” and it’s just releasing an album full of racist dog whistles and gaslighting everyone that points it out to you.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 25/09/2025
I regret to inform you that I just got (I Wanna Fart) Where the Dinosaurs Are back from our mastering engineer. Insufferable music promotion posts are imminent.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 24/09/2025
My Boondock Saints II poster just got raptured. Did this happen to anyone else?
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 24/09/2025
I will end my boycott of Disney when ABC agrees to produce my script about quilting celebrity and modestly successfully country music recording artist Timmy Ricks ,who helps the police solve quilt-related crimes during his spare time. Disney doesn’t get another penny from me until Quilter gets made.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 23/09/2025
I heard it was Tylenol that put Trump’s name all over the Epstein Files.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 22/09/2025
If you’re getting raptured tomorrow and have a Boondock Saints II poster you aren’t gonna be using, I’ll take it.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 22/09/2025
As an autistic person, I would just like to say that I cause Tylenol, not the other way around.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 22/09/2025
All the cool kids are skipping the Rapture so they can go to this, instead. See you Saturday, San Francisco!
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 19/09/2025
Who’s a guy gotta Lloyd Dobler to get his First Amendment rights back?
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 19/09/2025
As an act of solidarity, I will be impersonating an officer of the Sizzler tonight.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 19/09/2025
Hey republicans: you know that slippery slope you are always going on about in regards to the Second Amendment? Well, we’ve hit the fast part of the slide when it comes to the First.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 19/09/2025
While we’re all angry about Jimmy Kimmel, don’t forget to stay angry about Trey Reed.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 14/09/2025
San Francisco friends, we are beyond excited to be headed your way in a couple of weeks for Leestock! There are so many good bands on this lineup, some of whom I’ve been wanting to catch live for years. Saturday, September 27th at the New Farm…be there or be somewhere else!
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 09/09/2025
Never bring a fight to a gun-knife.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 01/09/2025
Fuck… they’re gonna claim they uploaded Trump’s consciousness into a computer and declare a shitty AI Trump to be president, aren’t they?
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 01/09/2025
Breaking: Rudy Giuliani’s spine.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 01/09/2025
Today I learned that the J.D. in J.D. Vance’s name is short for JDonald Trump is in the Epstein files.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 21/08/2025
Shark migration patterns significantly changed to align with the routes of slave ships in the Atlantic because the enslaved bodies thrown overboard were such an abundant and readily available food source, but please tell me again how slavery wasn’t that bad.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 20/08/2025
Planet Unicorn surpassed 1,000 plays on Spotify this week, officially moving it up to number 4 on the Billboard “Songs About a Guy Getting Stranded on a Planet Full of Unicorns” chart. Thanks for listening, friends… maybe with your help we can reach number 1 someday!
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 20/08/2025
We like to stay up-to-date on the most recent social media trends, which is why we have chosen to forgo streaming on our next album and release it exclusively on radioactive shrimp.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 20/08/2025
I don’t get off work for another 3 hours. You fuckers better not buy up all the radioactive shrimp before then.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 19/08/2025
You either die an Andy Dwyer, or you live long enough to see yourself become a Chris Pratt.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 18/08/2025
I wish @schumer.senate.gov would get started writing a strongly worded resume.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 08/08/2025
We sound kinda like the Ramones if the Ramones were trying to sound like the Ramones, which is to say, we sound worse than the Ramones.
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Reposted by Mantis Watch
Amanda Litman @amandalitman.bsky.social · 28/06/2025
Zohran Mamdani’s win has inspired over 3400 young people to raise their hands to run for office just since Tuesday. It’s now @runforsomething.net’s biggest candidate recruitment moment since the election. A new generation of leaders is here.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 29/05/2025
I regret to inform you that we no longer identify as pop-punk, due to everyone being a horrible sex monster.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 29/05/2025
“So this movie is premised on the idea that a police officer would be held accountable for negligently getting dozens of people killed as a result of actions they took while on duty? I don’t buy it.” -my wife, 5 minutes into watching Demolition Man for the first time.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 26/05/2025
There’s a certain irony in the fact that being the world’s foremost expert on Boondock Saints II posters has not earned me enough money to buy a Boondock Saints II poster.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 26/05/2025
Stop asking me to fight your diarrhea. I’ve retired.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 25/05/2025
“Horsefoughter: Horsefighter Back in Time” is such an underrated film.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 25/05/2025
They say “tone is in the fingers” but the sound hole of my acoustic guitar has been absolutely packed full of human fingers and it still sounds awful.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 24/05/2025
I recently had an unexpected creative project fall into my lap working with someone I greatly admire! And by that I mean my mom recently asked me to photoshop her choir director’s face onto a picture of Will Ferrell from the SNL cowbell sketch.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 19/05/2025
Is THAT why?!!
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 25/04/2025
Can we make a mediocre white dude registry and see if we can get to the bottom of what’s causing that, instead?
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 24/04/2025
You’re in her DMs, I’m in a godamned autism registry tracking my private health data. We are not the same (yet).
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 23/04/2025
Man, Kanye’s audition to be pope was pretty wild.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 22/04/2025
Welp…. It looks like our upcoming single “This song is called COUSINS about my cousin that’s locked in jail for life for killing a pregnant lady a few years after I told him we wouldn’t look at dirty magazines together anymore” is gonna need to be retitled.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 20/04/2025
Dye Hard is an Easter movie.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 20/04/2025
Instead of dyeing eggs this Easter, I have decided I will be dying inside.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 09/04/2025
“I don’t know who needs to hear this…” -our music
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 09/04/2025
The gender binary hurts everyone.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 09/04/2025
Every Gary you know was, at one point, a teenage Gary.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 05/04/2025
It’s not incompetence that wiped out 6 trillion dollars of market value in 2 days, it’s maliciousness. It’s a demonstration of the amount of financial pain he can single-handedly inflict. It’s a tool to force American businesses to comply with his whims.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 05/04/2025
Not to brag or anything, but we are the 643,297th top artist in the world according to Viberate, whatever the fuck that is.
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Mantis Watch @mantiswatch.bsky.social · 25/03/2025
Pete Hegseth had to text top secret war plans to a journalist because he has a cousin in Trinidad whose friend didn’t text top secret war plans to a journalist & became impotent. His testicles became swollen. His friend was weeks away from getting married, now the girl called off the wedding.
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