Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 04/04/2025Life hack if you’re having trouble finding Dubai chocolate. Get a Dairy Milk for under a quid and get the f**k over yourself. 3261
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 02/04/2025Some prefer ‘World Autism Awareness Day.’ Some prefer ‘World Autism Acceptance Day.’ Personally, I like, ‘Hey Boomer Please Stop Assuming That Kid Having A Meltdown In Tesco Just Needs A Bloody Good Hiding Day.’ 2303
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 29/03/2025Led By Donkeys’ Facebook post about projecting giant message onto Reform rally venue - 17.7k reactions. Reform UK Facebook post about rally itself - 13.4k reactions. 0281
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 28/03/2025Tesco cashier: ‘Right that’ll be £32.75 please.’ Me: Scans Clubcard. Tesco cashier: ‘Right we now owe you £300. Will tenners and twenties be OK? Here’s the keys to one of our lorries as well and the logbook, and this piece of paper confirms that you’re now a majority shareholder in Tesco PLC.’ 090
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 07/03/2025BREAKING: ASDA, Tesco, Sainsbury’s, Morrisons, Lidl and Aldi announce emergency popcorn rationing of one bag per customer after sales soar due to people getting ready to watch Farage and Lowe publicly tear strips off each other over the weekend. 0201
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 06/03/2025A quick question. If ‘nobody cares about women’s football,’ why have Panini made a significant investment in launching the first-ever official WSL trading card game? 0120
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 05/03/2025The USA is threatening to withdraw ‘intelligence,’ and from what I have seen over the last couple of weeks it wouldn’t be any great loss. 4152
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 05/03/2025Windsor Castle isn’t a church you absolute ringpiece … 5210
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 02/12/2024You can be on Universal Credit AND have a job. You can be on Universal Credit AND have a job. You can be on Universal Credit AND have a job. You can be on Universal Credit AND have a job. You can be on Universal Credit AND have a job. Now repeat that back. I want to make sure you’ve understood. 5569
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 01/12/2024Just to let you all know. Instead of sending Christmas cards this year, I’m just not because I can’t be f****** bothered. 2231
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 30/11/2024The TV Licence will be going up by £5 in 2025, but at the same time there’s a very good chance that the announcement of the next host of Match Of The Day will make every Daily Mail reader in Britain spontaneously combust so I’m happy to let it slide. 2312
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 29/11/2024“It’s not about shortening life. It’s about shortening death.” Bang on. 3330
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 29/11/2024If you’re ‘tubby’ or ‘bald-headed,’ please don’t take Sir Rod Stewart’s words to heart. He was aiming them solely at Gregg Wallace. That’s how it works. 0171
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 27/11/2024… and shortly afterwards, Parliament will then laugh at it and make farty noises. 2130
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 27/11/2024I saw these USB-powered oversized heated hoodies in Lidl earlier for £19.99. I know this is an extreme example, but in theory you could charge up a cheap and cheerful power bank during the day at work or elsewhere, and then use it at home to run this hoodie in the evening. Just saying. 1180
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 27/11/2024It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and it’s around 9.45am in the UK, and so around 3.45am in Wichita, Kansas, USA. We are just a few hours away from the exact 37th anniversary of Neal and Del realising that those aren’t pillows. 1150
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 26/11/2024I’m not sure which is weaker, the UK government petition website’s location check or that pop-up on the iPlayer that asks if you have a TV Licence. 1140
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 26/11/2024All these petition people calling for a general election are going to be so mad when their wish comes true, and then as a result the UK is also compelled to revoke Article 50 and rejoin the EU because that petition on the same platform had 6.1m signatures and there would be a solid legal argument. 0263
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 25/11/2024The BBC have announced the presenters for Sports Personality Of The Year. Experienced presenter. Degree in broadcasting, football playing career. Experienced presenter. Represented Wales / Great Britain in gymnastics. Experienced presenter / journalist. Former president, Rugby Football League. 1361
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 25/11/2024SCHOOLS: Dear Parent. All of our children were weighed recently, and your child's BMI would indicate that they are overweight. For more information about healthier lifestyle choices, please read the attached leaflet. ALSO SCHOOLS: 0172
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 24/11/2024Just got home to a devastating scene in Essex. 0210
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 23/11/2024OFFERED FOR SWAP. I bought a hot chocolate at a local Christmas market tonight. Looking to swap for a six-bed detached house in North London with two garages and a pool. 2350
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 23/11/2024Absolute top-level romantic getaway in Faringdon, Oxfordshire. Spend a few hours browsing the aisles, getting so excited about the latest ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ canvases that you can’t keep your hands off each other and it develops into an all-night shagathon upstairs. 2120
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 23/11/2024HAPPY 33RD BIRTHDAY to a show that was the pinnacle of Saturday night TV. Nothing since has come even close. 1140
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 23/11/2024Free parenting advice. Never, ever, EVER press one of these buttons before your toddler gets to them. Just don’t. 2280
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 21/11/2024How about, and apologies if I sound a bit crazy but hear me out anyway … Black Friday offers but on things like groceries because you can’t eat a 43-inch 4K Panasonic with Dolby Atmos. 1271
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 21/11/2024Am I missing something here? Why would Tesco sell gingerbread-scented de-icer? Unless you spray it on the inside of your windscreen, you won’t be able to smell it. Please tell me if I am being dense. 280
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 20/11/2024PARENTS BEWARE! Please do not buy this advent calendar for your kids. Last year, my son opened a window of his so-called CHILD-FRIENDLY Paw Patrol calendar and the chocolate was in the shape of a GUN! I looked at another and it was a HAND GRENADE. I was FURIOUS - Nickelodeon you’re a disgrace. 1250
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 19/11/2024I learned something fascinating today. I needed a single first class stamp, which normally retails for £1.65, but as I was passing a local convenience store I decided to pop in there and buy one instead - £1.75. 🧵 260
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 19/11/2024Devastated to hear yellow Metanium has been discontinued due to ‘supply chain issues.’ This stuff was legendary for all four of our kids when they had ‘baboon arse.’ I can already see some of these on eBay for silly money. Apparently this half-crumpled tube could be worth up to £30 now. Madness. 090
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 19/11/2024Me: *saves document on computer* Computer: ‘Document saved!’ Me: ‘Where is it?’ Computer: ‘Ha ha where's what?’ 1524
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 18/11/2024Essex & Suffolk Water. They are here for you this winter … but don’t you dare reply to their email. 0120
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 17/11/2024Yet another grammar nightmare from Sainsbury’s on this scented candle. However, if it is meant to be a tribute to William Shatner, I offer my sincerest apologies. 2201
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 16/11/2024Someone told me today that the vast majority of ‘Door Close’ buttons in lifts aren’t actually connected to anything and they’re just there so that impatient people have something to press. My mind is blown. 4280
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 16/11/2024Ah I see. Alex Scott is capable of presenting live football matches where the broadcast goes on for more than two hours, but she’s not capable of presenting a sequence of pre-recorded, edited clips of football that go on for about an hour. Gotcha. 1271
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 16/11/2024Just noticed that when fully laden, my Lidl bag stares at me with a hint of derangement. 0180
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 15/11/2024I saw someone complaining that parking restrictions on a new build estate were going to have a negative effect on the prices of houses there. Mate, house prices wouldn’t go down if the estate was infested with child-eating monsters, bubonic plague, and the opening of a uranium enrichment workshop. 2171
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 15/11/2024This may be a good time to share my only interaction with Mr Joey Barton a while ago. Me: Presents a reasonable argument for Alex Scott to host a TV show. Joey: ‘YOU HAVE NO TESTICLES.’ 2201
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 15/11/2024I regret to inform you all that that Reform UK Facebook page have now deleted my fake nativity letter that they clearly thought was genuine 😂 1281
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 15/11/2024Erm … someone has made a crafty edit to the England Women’s Football Team Wikipedia entry 😂😂😂 0110
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 15/11/2024… and as a final ‘f*** you’ he refuses to call it ‘X’ 😂😂😂 0393
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 15/11/2024M&S have these dinosaur advent calendars for £3 a pop. If you’re looking at this and thinking ‘no child will ever ask for an advent calendar just about dinosaurs of the Cretaceous period,’ you’ve obviously never met child. 1150
Simon Harris @manbehavingdadly.bsky.social · 14/11/2024To kick-off my Bluesky, here’s my humble suggestion for our local council’s annual ‘name the gritter’ contest. 3281