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johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest

@magicmoste.bsky.social

898 followers 114 following 1.3K posts

manic mastermind behind Sajam's youtube www.youtube.com/@SupermanSajam / I do everything (wrong) / Chronic overthinker / Music plug / Generational fumbler / 3s Akuma / Caricature of a human lives are for living and hearts are for changin', yeah

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johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

didn't realize they were from durham which is funny considering i was blasting this the whole ride back. i could go see them at 9:30 club tomorrow... 💀

lyrics from "Hot Slob" by Sylvan Esso, a song that has suddenly taken over my brain.
"and I hit like a bitch
i still don't know who i am
but i fake it 'til i make it
yeah, i'm cumming from the mems
like a good little soldier
i'm just dying where i stand
but you love to watch me bleed

can you feel, can you feel it?"
not pictured, but is perhaps even more poignant, is the first round of the chorus:
"and i drink like a fish
i still don't know how to live
but i made it
can you hear it?
yeah, i'm living in the glitch
like a bad motherfucker
i don't know where mommy is
bet she's so proud of me

can you feel, can you feel it?"

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

think im gonna just keep adding until i got a whole sleeve

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

driving down to sqxl for the weekend. once again i have not booted the game in 9 months but should be fun to hang out.

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

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johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

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johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

executive dysfunction got me thinkin about all the games i could endlessly infodump about

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

youtu.be/TY-z06RfALE

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johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

i require eyes on the inside

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

psychotic workout playlist

current playlist of releases from the past week that im listening to as i do my cardio
track 1 is "Trouble Trouble" by Aesop Rock & Blockhead
2: "Natural High" by Perfume Genius
3: "CHAOS" by Current Joys
4: "making out" by 2charm
5: "ETERNAL BOY" by Ghais Guevara & Greg Zola

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johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

goin to see that movie that the guy who made the 'gallon of pcp' sketch did, whatever its called

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

shirt is heat tho

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johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

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johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

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johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

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johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

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johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

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johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

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johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

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johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

losing my mind

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

okay this might be some of my finest work

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

holy FUCK

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

last time i went was winter storm warnings every day, but this time the power of friendship will save me

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

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johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

ideas percolating

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

say it loud, say it proud 🗣️🗣️🗣️

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

they lie as easily as they breathe

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

been out of my mind for 6 months and i still don't feel like myself but i am what i am at any given moment in time and that'll have to be good enough

Lyrics from pigeon pit's "peach" https://pigeonpit.bandcamp.com/track/peach

our trauma becomes washed out, more abstract and stomped out, and i know even though i dont have everything worked out

im gonna call all the people i miss to say i cant wait to kiss you and chain smoke on your front step
lay my head on your chest

ghosts of friends
waist deep in lake washington
i will never forget all the reasons i'm not dead yet
all the cats in my neighborhood and all the times you asked for help and i couldnt give it

we feel lost like kids on the streets inside our brains carved by abuse, love, survival and all those other things one way streets internalized as we ride our bikes, they become the neighborhood we grew up in

after all of the phone calls, all the letters i wrote you, you’d think i’d figure out the words to tell you how much i love you, and i know it’s hard for you to feel like you deserve to feel good

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

struggling to decide which set of lyrics to end this entry with

"I'm gonna call all the people
I miss to say I can't wait to kiss you and
Chain smoke on your front step
Lay my head on your chest

Ghosts of friends
Waist-deep in lake Washington
I will never forget all the reasons
I'm not dead yet
All the cats in my neighborhood and
All the times you asked for help and I couldn't give it
You might also like
Hot Knives
Pigeon Pit
Plum
Pigeon Pit
We feel lost like kids on the streets
Inside our brains carved by abuse, love, survival
And all those other things one way streets
Internalized as we ride our bikes
They become the neighborhood we grew up in

After all of the phone calls, all the letters I wrote you
You’d think I’d figure out the words to tell you how much i love you, and I know it’s hard for you to feel like you deserve to feel good"
from 'peach' by Pigeon Pit

"Said, 'I am but my body: heart and shaking skin'
How ever will you find a safe place where
You never let anyone into the space where you

Keep all your timid questions
Like, 'Can I kiss you one more time before I go?'
Though I know the world is full of awesome suggestions
It’s us who get caught in the undertow, don’t you know

We were born on a moving train
We took form in the pouring rain
We try hard but come short of explaining
That lives are for living and hearts are for changing

Forget, an instant, to stay the same
Not us nor mountains go as they came
All these things we refuse to be framed in
From what we’ve been given to what’s rearranging, yeah"
from "Nightlights II" by Nana Grizol

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

I don't think I ever intend it to be dishonest but I lie so easily when I say "I'll figure it out, I always do."
I don't figure it out, I've never figured it out; I just destroy bits of myself until new ones spring up in their place. I don't want to do that again.
Right now I'm Johnny and I'm trying so hard.
I don't want to write about music, I want to share it. I want to experience it with other people.
I want to speak and get used to talking and challenge myself to not be the most boring mf in the room.
I want to sing, I want to use more of my own words to say the things I need to say.
I want to impress people with my work, I want to impress myself.
I want to be there for the people who need it. I'm sure a lot of the people I know are silently struggling while I'm the asshole who just can't shut up about it. I'm sorry that this is just my nature, I'm compelled to bark at the moon without shame. I'm also a freak who has no qualms getting into the nitty gritty of any topic; if anybody needs an ear, I'm a better listener than I seem.
I want my friends to know how much I appreciate them. I've got a lot of love to give, I just have a hard time showing it without the express written consent of the National Friend League (NFL). I'm sorry I've been so self-centered I will be better (and occasionally worse) about it.
I want to feel like there's some space I belong in; I hope I can find it.

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

how it started vs. how it's going

I woke up and didn't see myself in my work anymore, I didn't want to play video games, I didn't want to think about fighting games. I couldn't access my usual coping mechanisms, my skills and my accomplishments didn't feel like mine. I felt like a stranger to myself and all the connections I had felt like a lie. I did what I had done once before, 15 years ago, and entirely killed another version of myself. Moste is not here anymore. I'm back to square one again.

I cobbled together the will to still make it out to CB but I felt so out of place. I think I let everyone down, I think even trying to show up was like lying to their face. Every single thing I try to do feels dishonest and it's not it just feels that way. I appreciate everyone from that event but it truly feels like I was out of my mind.

Coming home was awful, I was crying in the uber, crying in the airport. I kept spiralling and it's been very difficult not to give up. I'm unwell and I'm alone and I can't fix this by myself.

In going out to socal i found myself forced (positive) to recognize that I do have friends, and that I can still function on a more competent level than I wanted to believe. I'm just fucking stupid and can't escape my own brain unless someone else is willing to pull me out.

I feel so out of place in our group, in all groups; I'm so boring, I waste everyone's time, I'm codependent and I don't know how to communicate. Despite all that Stephen and the crew spent the whole time I was there including me in all the plans and hanging out. I may be an absolute dumbass but there's no reality where someone spends 2 full days before their wedding hanging out with someone unless they're a real friend; there's like SO many other people there that he could've chosen to spend his time with. Even my bum ass brain can't delude me out of that understanding.

I've always believed that if anybody wanted to talk to me they would, If anybody wanted to spend time on me they would and if they don't then I guess that's just where we stand. I have to acknowledge that I'm not applying that logic to myself. I want to talk to so many people and I just don't, so this foundational belief is just nonsense. It all kinda wraps back around to the fan vs. friend dichotomy. I end up being the fan, I have so much reverance for the people who have done right by me that I can't possibly risking bothering them with my presence. What if they're busy? What if I'm overstepping? What if I'm forgotten, I am the most forgettable mf in the room anyway. I still don't know how to escape this kind of cognitive dissonance, but what seems to help most is just being around people; unfortunately a pretty hard thing to make happen in current times.

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

why does my attempt at a smile look like that

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

this the fit btw if i dont remember to get any good pics

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

fml

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

thai night

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

tasty steve having an existential crisis about this shirt, let's rock

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

breakfast burritos with the fellas before da odyssey

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

*dante voice* jackpot!

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

seeing the shinkiro face live in concert

johnny 🔜 Midwest Mixfest, magfest @magicmoste.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

theo hilton my fucking goat