iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 23h

shopping for big plushies and getting wet. pathetic puppy alert

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horns @yagihorns.bsky.social · 23/07/2026

grab

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horns @yagihorns.bsky.social · 28/02/2026

fits well enough!

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

i'm going to bite you until you start squealing and then keep going

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puppyfox @fox.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

hiii

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

i just. i just wish i could feel it. i want to feel safe. i want to feel love, not just understand it, not just trusting that it’s there. i just want to feel it.

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

i just don’t see how it could be okay. wouldn’t it have been shown by now if it was okay? wouldn’t i feel safe?

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

freyja… you’re rationalizing your pain. it is okay. you don’t have to feel bad about feeling bad

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

but i wish it was okay. i wish i could have that. ive proven myself, beyond a reasonable doubt, that im capable, resilient, that i can push through, all on my own. but its not okay. i think. maybe i can just learn to be okay with that.

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

you don’t sign up to be around someone just to end up… “taking care” of them. people shouldn’t have to take care of me. it was never okay to be taken care of before. it has to be a trap now, right? certainly all this pain wasn’t for nothing

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

i want to be loved for my whole. not just the part that comes out over the web, not just the mask i put on in person, but all of me. unfortunately, that whole includes a very lonely, broken, sad, confused child. and i don’t blame anyone for not wanting to see that

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

the pain of wanting something you’re practically physiologically incapable of understanding, let alone practicing

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

and maybe i still do want to be owned. but will i ever feel safe enough to let myself be owned, controlled, etc? i dont know. i’ve never met anyone, who does not eventually hurt me, who ive ever felt safe enough to be truly vulnerable with, in that way

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

so the puppy keeps coming out. because she never got to live. i don’t really remember a time before that innocence was lost. ever since i could form memories it always felt like a puzzle, trying to understand why i was so different, how im supposed to fit in, hoping i could find a way to be loved

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

but it feels like i’m not able to, because there’s so much inside me that still hasn’t really moved on. and how are you really supposed to move on from the complex trauma of emotional neglect and not really having any close friends for years

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

people think i have my shit together. im not even all together inside. and i wish i did. i wish i was all there. i wish i could be this… lightning rod of agency, someone that can just set out to do things.

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

the puppy keeps coming out more and more. the coordinator is having a hard time keeping her quiet. the abyss of what’s left keeps fighting me.

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

i feel split in a few modalities. the tiny puppy, that desperately wishes for safety, a coordinator, that tries to keep everything going, and a distant fellow, who tries to keep people away by inaction

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

then i think… is it really about wanting to fix myself? or is this me trying to distance myself from others? is it wanting to help myself, or more refusing help? maybe i just resent how i never feel safe with others

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

all it reminds me of is what i didnt get to have

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

it is… certainly appealing, the fantasy of someone swooping in and magically fixing me. it would make everything so easy. but it’s just not like that

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

it’s not… shameful, bad, nothing like that. but all it reminds me of, right now, is that i feel inadequate, burnt out, under resourced. i don’t want to be fixed by someone. i want to fix myself

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 04/10/2026

i think a lot of the concept of being owned, handled, controlled. i really wish i didn’t.

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Coral 🪸🐶 @coral.dog · 02/10/2026

Mouse researches possum anatomy

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 27/09/2026

it is certainly really nice to know some others understand i just wish it was better for us hugs

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

i have been posting for 42 minutes straight. i have a date. what is wrong with me

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

i’m so exhausted, fundamentally, emotionally, physically, in every dimension which can experience exhaustion

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

and sometimes for brief moments i can ignore the static. my puppy can attest. but i can’t wield it deterministically and haven’t been able to for… god like a year maybe?

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

there’s plenty of sexy mfs out there who don’t in fact need to be carefully emotionally managed just to get to the finish line. why would anyone want me.

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

maybe if i knew ASL, might help, but most people don’t know it. you can’t really type or write thoughts out during sex. so if i lock up verbally it’s just over until it passes or whoever i’m with realizes they have to make choices, and i hate inflicting myself on people for that reason

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

i’ve had totally normal sexual experiences get derailed entirely by being asked an innocuous question. do i want something. do i want x or y. i lock up verbally, stutter, and cry

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

and i truly hate “you’re overthinking it”, it’s a default response, its not even wrong necessarily, but if i don’t think i have nothing. if there’s no words up there it’s just a static void and it’s more disabling than the thinking.

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

there’s a part of me that wishes i was asexual, because then it just wouldn’t matter to me if sex was uncomfortable and hard. but im not, and the dissonance between what i want and what i can have hurts

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

id like to be desirable while also being actually useful for that desire, maybe. not sure if theres a word for “desire carried through to the end”.

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

the dissonance between “i love the attention i get for my objectively sexy form” and “presenting it feels like a fraud because sex is a sisyphean endeavor” hurts

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

there is no reason. i rolled this set of numbers and so im just like this. maybe it’s fixable, maybe it’s not.

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

it feels like i run into that a lot in my life. things that are mountains to me but to others never comes up. it’s a bad mentality, but truly, why me? why all this?

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

and yet so many people just don’t ever think about it. they just do it, regularly, and they never have to feel this

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

i’m really hoping physical therapy helps but i dont know how long that will take and i dont know if it’ll help beyond treating the acute symptom i still have to be able to feel the pleasure, even if the pain goes away

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

that’s part of the reason why i’m scared of bottom surgery too. if i went through all that trouble, expense, time, just to have a permanent maintenance item and i still don’t get to feel present and enjoy it, it’ll just be a persistent reminder of that

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

and for all that time “i’m fundamentally inadequate” keeps poking at my head, over and over, consciously and subconsciously

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fluffy tufty puppylynx @lynx.t4tkiss.ing · 26/09/2026

whats rather acute too is that even if i know i can’t cum im still hard for 10-30 minutes after, there’s all those aching sensations, like just deciding “i’m done” doesn’t mean your body is done, and you have to sit with it, sometimes for days if i get sore in the pelvic floor because of it

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