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Michael E. Cohen

@lymond.bsky.social
77 followers 45 following 295 posts

Writer (TidBITS, Take Control Books), programmer, teacher, multimediator, bad cartoonist. Faith: Justified Misanthropist. Occasional blog posts at www.pixel-stained-wretch.com

PostsRepliesMedia
Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
Adam Engst covers this quarter’s Apple earnings carnival: tidbits.com/2026/07/31/a...
tidbits.com
Apple’s Q3 2026 Earnings—Record Revenue and Marketing to the Street - TidBITS
In Tim Cook’s final earnings call as CEO, Apple posted a record $109.4 billion quarter, but behind Apple’s AI hype and “phenomenal” reviews lie supply constraints driven by poor predictions, skyrocket...
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
Many politicians today are emulating the Senate’s greatest hypocrite by publicly mourning his passing. What an honor!
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
You would think that after all these years, Captain America would’ve gotten promoted to major. But no…
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
With the refurbishment of the reflecting pond, the President has officially made green the new blue!
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
Yesterday was the anniversary of a very big day in the history of ebooks: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Expande...
en.wikipedia.org
Expanded Books - Wikipedia
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 12/06/2026
Elon Musk is the world’s first trillionaire. Now it’s reported he’s purchasing a stately mansion built above some bat infested caverns and seeking a teenage ward with athletic and gymnastic abilities.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 23/05/2026
I’ll be missing the season finales of several TV series on CBS that I enjoy because I’m protesting the ill-advised cancellation of Stephen Colbert’s show. Worth it…and it gives me more time for reading.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 11/05/2026
The downside to owning a lot of Apple gear is that when Apple releases OS updates you can spend hours downloading and installing them. Today I had to update 9 devices. My router is exhausted!
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
Adam Engst and I listened to Apple’s quarterly earnings call yesterday and we wrote this: tidbits.com/2026/05/01/i...
tidbits.com
iPhone and Services Drive Apple to Record Q2 2026 Despite Supply Constraints - TidBITS
Apple reported record financial results for what it described as its “best March quarter ever,” with over $29 billion in profits and double-digit growth across every geographic segment as the Tim Cook...
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
How many of you are, like me, planning to spend all of this Earth Day on Earth? Show of hands…
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 21/04/2026
Once again, I haven’t been chosen as Apple’s CEO. Siri refuses to explain why.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 20/04/2026
True when I drew it 28 years ago, and true today.
Two children in front of a toy box, with one holding a doll and saying, “I swear too much…it’s a goddamn *shame*!”
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Reposted by Michael E. Cohen
Colette Delawalla, PhD @cdelawalla.bsky.social · 14/04/2026
If any more awful men wish to file their resignation from Congress, for heaven’s sake, send them in. I’m quite at my leisure.
media.tenor.com
a man with long white hair and a beard wears a brown vest
Alt: a man with long white hair and a beard wears a brown vest
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 26/03/2026
If every book came with a gun, no book would be banned.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 25/03/2026
Bwahahahaha!!!
Headline: “Democrat flips seat in special election for Florida district that includes Trump‘s Mar-a-Lago resort”
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 05/03/2026
The President reaffirmed his commitment to the environment today by recycling Kristi Noem: he removed her as the Secretary heading Homeland Security but installed her as a “special envoy of a Western Hemisphere security initiative called the ‘Shield of the Americas.’”
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 01/03/2026
Today the President’s vaunted Board of Peace is riddled with termites, carpenter ants, and knotholes.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 28/02/2026
Sexually assaulting underage girls wasn’t enough. Now he’s dropped bombs on a girls’ elementary school. What a vile, sick, disgusting excuse for a man…
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 20/02/2026
“West L.A. Story” by T.S. Eliot We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time…but then spend another half an hour looking for parking.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 09/02/2026
Autocorrect on my iPad insists that the 1971 quake in southern California took place in “Silmarillion” instead of “Sylmar.”
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 09/02/2026
It’s always sad when you look at the calendar and see that it’s the birthday of a friend or relative who is now deceased.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 02/02/2026
On this Groundhog’s Day, Punxsutawney Phil saw not only his shadow, but 10 masked and armed ICE agents, who immediately surrounded him, doused him with pepper spray, handcuffed him, and shipped him off to a detention center in Louisiana.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 02/02/2026
Punxsutawney Phil predicts 6 more weeks of winter and 3 more years of Trump, and, cold as it is across most of the country, I’m hoping Phil has swapped the durations.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 30/01/2026
My career as a very occasional tech industry financial reporter continues, as Adam Engst and I summarize Apple’s recent quarterly report: tidbits.com/2026/01/30/a...
tidbits.com
Apple Propelled to Record Q1 2026 Financials by iPhone and Services - TidBITS
With its devices and services bringing in over $140 billion in revenue, its earnings per share rising nearly 20% year over year, and the announced return of Ted Lasso to Apple TV, Apple has a lot to c...
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 28/01/2026
You know when you’ve been smoking too much pot when you seriously consider buying a ticket to see “Melania.”
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Reposted by Michael E. Cohen
Scott MacFarlane @macfarlanenews.bsky.social · 28/01/2026
We are now 40 days beyond the statutory deadline for the full release of the Epstein files
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 28/01/2026
Apple News asks the important questions of the day:
Headline reading “What Does a Healthy Vagina Smell Like?”
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 27/01/2026
I am worried about how ICE plans to commemorate Holocaust Remembrance Day today.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 27/01/2026
Let us not forget the Epstein files. We are still waiting.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 10/01/2026
From NBC News: “The U.S. has carried out what it called ‘large-scale strikes’ against ISIS in Syria, U.S. Central Command announced Saturday afternoon. The strikes […] were part of Operation Hawkeye Strike, which […] was ordered by President Donald Trump on Dec. 19” The Peace Prize President!
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 07/01/2026
So ICE is now murdering US citizens who are obeying their orders. I feel much safer now.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
42=the number of years by which Orwell was off.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 02/01/2026
Santa Monica’s attempts to increase tourism numbers seems to be succeeding…
A flying saucer hovering over Santa Monica Pier.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 01/01/2026
Is 2026 over yet?! (Asking for a friend…well, me, actually.)
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 31/12/2025
I live between two butt cheeks. AITAH?
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 31/12/2025
An old one, yet still relevant.
Santa speaking to an elf before the North Pole KringleCorp HQ (in a surprisingly jungle-like setting!).

Santa: 
Are we doing anything about global warming?

Elf: 
R&D reports they’ve finished work on the low-emission Hanukkah candles!
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 30/12/2025
It’s the time of year when people start abandoning de-ornamented and desiccated fir trees on street corners and in alleyways, where they mutely testify about former joys and hungover futures. Happy New Year!!!
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 29/12/2025
So, I started to read a play by some guy named O’Neill. It was called, I think, “The ICEman Cometh,” but was disappointed to learn that it had nothing to do with the rounding up of undocumented aliens. No ⭐️s…
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 23/12/2025
Note: The upcoming holiday is now to be known officially as “Donald J. Trump Presents Christmas®™.” Thank you for your attention to this matter.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 16/12/2025
“War of the Worlds” (1953) is on TCM, and just about up to the final scene where we learn that God on His Heaven put microbes on Earth to give us head colds and protect us from Martians.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 14/12/2025
Every time I try to light a Christmas tree, people complain that matches and kerosene are not the way to do it. AITAH?
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 12/12/2025
This just in: The U.S. to return the Statue of Liberty to France, saying, “Keep your poor huddled masses; the lamp is extinguished and the golden door closed. Thank you for your attention to this matter.”
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 09/12/2025
I’ve been a contributor to TidBITS for years, and while it provides only a very small fraction of my income, it provides a large and unbiased portion of my knowledge of the tech industry and its direction. Well worth checking out and supporting. tidbits.com/2025/12/08/t...
tidbits.com
TidBITS Needs Your Support in 2026 - TidBITS
We don’t peddle your personal information to advertisers or rely on deep-pocketed corporate backers, so would you contribute to keep TidBITS vibrant in the next year?
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 09/12/2025
Keep in mind that the tradition of a magical being giving away shiny trinkets originated not with Santa but Sauron.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 07/12/2025
For a mere $20, I earned a Grubhub Peace Prize and it included dinner delivered to my door!!
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 06/12/2025
If I ever needed a reason to avoid watching any part of the 2026 FIFA World Cup, FIFA offered it up in the form of a blatantly sycophantic gold medal.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 05/12/2025
When you come right down to it, it’s not whether you believe in Santa Claus, but whether Santa Claus believes in you.
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 05/12/2025
I don’t have a problem with Trump falling asleep during Cabinet meetings. That he wakes up again is the real problem.
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Reposted by Michael E. Cohen
Dan Moren @dmoren.com · 05/12/2025
Every single pro-life senator who voted to confirm RFK Jr should find out what it’s like to be called a baby-killer. www.nytimes.com/2025/12/05/h...
nytimes.com
An End to Hepatitis B Shots for All Newborns
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Michael E. Cohen @lymond.bsky.social · 04/12/2025
Apple News showcases its exemplary headline proofreading skills with this link to an article actually titled, “Can man live by iPad alone? Let’s find out…”
Headline that reads “Can man leave by iPad alone? Let’s find out…”
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