iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

since things are so up in the air, but my agency is trying to switch me anyway (lol) so at this point the mixed signals are getting to be a bit much.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

Currently waiting on a contract renewal confirmation, but if anyone is interested in working with me in-house or on a contract with visa support in the Tokyo area, feel free to reach out as I may be available from November 1st. I've been hesitant to start searching for something else

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

I've been feeling this lately. You put it into words well!

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Reposted by Loppi☆

Alyssa Weldon @alyssaweldon.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

Nearly the entire goal (of 15k) has been met in just one day! The outpouring of support has been incredible to see. Raising it to 25k as there is a lot of need the original goal doesn’t cover. Please continue to share 🙏 gofund.me/0635d94fc

gofund.me

Donate to Help Andria and Nik Recover from House Fire, organized by Alyssa Weldon

Andria McKnight, a veteran translator, is facing a heartbreaking loss afte… Alyssa Weldon needs your support for Help Andria and Nik Recover from House Fire

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it 🫂

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 12/07/2026

at the prospect of meeting new people or participating in things. I just know that most of the time, it isn't going to be a positive experience for me and I'll come out of it feeling worse about myself in some way. It's a lot easier to only communicate through emails and work independently.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 12/07/2026

I know it's not good to make my world even smaller but every time I try to get better, I just realize once again how useless and worthless I am as a person and I lose hope about what there really is to even gain by getting better. Other people have become terrifying to me. I don't feel joy

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 12/07/2026

on me mentally to be in public and constantly have people looking at me. I also have some health issues that just make corporate work very hard. I love working and I want to do it, but I just don't fit into society at all anymore.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 12/07/2026

and the staff, and I would like to continue. But I think I should probably try to become 個人事業主 again. I don't really fit in anywhere, so it's difficult to be a part of an office anymore. Ever since my OCD worsened a few years ago, my hands are very visibly messed up from it, so it takes a toll

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 12/07/2026

Sorry for kind of exploding on here and the other site recently. I was holding a lot of things back for the past few months because so many bad things have happened one after another and now it's like the floodgates have been unleashed. 😅 What sucks is that I really like the writers I work with

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

To be honest I just never expected such a thing to happen because of the age difference and also that we do not work at the same company so that makes it highly risky for them to do that for the company partnership as well. What if I were to have complained? It makes no sense...

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

I also just kind of feel betrayed because a much, much older man at a partner company who treated me like a daughter for 2 and a half years suddenly switched up and started making advances towards me. They must be at least 30 years older than me. It is also obviously unprofessional.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

because my sacrificial nature is easy to make use of and manipulate, even when I try to fill myself with knowledge about how to avoid exactly that.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

I honestly think I'm going to end up alone, unemployable, and childless at 40 and the only thing I'll experience the next 10 years is being worked to the bone by believing empty promises and compliments so I can be conveniently used by everyone around me to better their lives,

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

This is probably the moment when I'm supposed to just try harder and go after what I really want. But I'm so beaten down, I can't even feel any hope that it will ever get better.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

How am I supposed to feel like I actually have any control over my own life? No matter what I do, it just never works out. I always end up a punching bag to everyone else.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

I've talked about my recent employment situation more on the other site, but it really does feel like even when I try to have control over my life, such as my career, or my personal life, nothing ever goes the way I want it to.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

I feel like the best way to get people reading again is to lower the price of books, especially digital ebooks. Books now cost as much as video games, and it's no longer a cheap hobby to have.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

Thank you!!! 💕💕😭 I do think things are looking up at least...!!

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

I do have to shout out my boss for stepping in and helping us a lot these past two weeks. I think without that help, we would have been in such a nightmarish situation for probably months. Now July will still be hard, but not impossible, and August might be somewhat back to normal.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

I also had a dream last night about receiving more work in my email. And while I was happy about it in the dream, the idea of more work right now is actually a nightmare. That's when you know it's bad, because usually I get excited about more work no matter what...

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

Basically June in particular was the worst month of this year so far work-wise. Which is incredible considering how bad March, April, and May were... 🙃

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

I've talked about this more on the other site, but basically my coworker is going through some pretty serious medical stuff and we're slowly catching up, but not quite back on schedule yet. We're also understaffed for the time being. It's been rough...

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

Felt pretty bad all day at work yesterday but pretty much brute-forced myself to stay since they really needed me there this week. But now I couldn't go to karaoke today... Suffering... 🫠

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

Thank you so much!!! I will try to find those!! I wasn't taking Lexapro this time, but I have tried it in the past with the same issue...!

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 28/06/2026

But yeah it sucks that people in my life don't really understand how bad I can get, even if they've witnessed it before. I'm not really in the driver's seat sometimes, even if it appears like I am. Then when I try to be logical and mitigate, they wonder why I can't push through.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 28/06/2026

But I was basing my decision on how I felt in early May, and it truly felt impossible for me to go to the US alone and not have severe panic the whole time. I know from experience when I can't possibly handle something. I've made my family's life hell when I'm in that state. It's a favor not to go.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 28/06/2026

It sucks but she knows that I was basically housebound for a full year due to anxiety, panic, and depression. I get very anxious in cars especially, so I didn't want to ruin her wedding by freaking out and making it about myself. Unfortunately that has backfired I guess...

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 28/06/2026

The sad thing is I had to cancel going to my friend's wedding because I knew I was just in pure freak-out mode and could not travel by myself (no one could come with me, not even family.) My friend is clearly very upset by this and not talking to me anymore but I did explain the reasons why.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 28/06/2026

Right now I'm thinking to just wait until I start to feel bad again and then find a new clinic (there is one in my neighborhood thankfully that I can try next time). I also still have the Luvox on hand to take which is helping me feel a bit reassured that I don't need to act immediately.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 28/06/2026

I am also way more logical in my normal state, whereas if I feel depressed, everything can put me in this irrational mindset and I emotionally overreact to everything. It's really night and day. The bad part is sometimes those episodes last years... Yes, years.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 28/06/2026

Like I don't feel overwhelmed by existential anxieties, I'm even thinking "man having a kid right now would be really dumb..." and I'm way more invested in my hobbies and career again. It just goes to show that this is 100% a mood disorder because normally, I can easily talk myself out of worrying.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 28/06/2026

My boyfriend basically thinks SSRIs just aren't for me, and I have to agree at this point. I think I just have to deal with the mood and anxiety problems on my own as they come up. What's strange is that this month none of what was bothering me in April/May is bothering me anymore.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 28/06/2026

Well I decided for the time being to just not try any psychiatric medication as my mood has been pretty stable the last 3 weeks now. I think I'll try again eventually but even just trying them for a few days has given me acid reflux for a month now and a way more sensitive stomach.

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Reposted by Loppi☆

Qewie🥝 @qqqewie.bsky.social · 27/06/2026

That GTA girl outfit #oc

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 17/06/2026

Thank you!! 🙇‍♀️ I am feeling a lot better today so I'm hoping I'm fighting it off...!

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Reposted by Loppi☆

Jan Mitsuko Cash @jmitsu.bsky.social · 16/06/2026

The first mention of Okinawa in popular media I encountered, the battle was used as a joke in That '70s Show, accompanied by a laugh track and my mom's reminder 1/3 of the island died Translating this book was an emotional process because I wish it had existed while I was growing up

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 16/06/2026

Maybe therapy that targets diminishing fear of humiliation or abandonment could help/teaching about cognitive distortions and why they want to hold on to black-and-white beliefs as a protective mechanism against peer or social rejection...?

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 16/06/2026

At the same time, it's perplexing to me that often there's no openness to changing their views even later in life, nor any desire to become more lenient and accepting of themselves and others. I'm not really sure about that part yet but I assume it's because of fear of losing peer group acceptance?

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 16/06/2026

makeup/etc. are fed to young girls to make them more insecure and adopt certain purchasing and lifestyle behaviors to cope.

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 16/06/2026

as a way to cope, instead of healthier outlets or ways of thinking. It's easy to demonize men if you didn't grow up a tomboy and see exactly what propaganda and advertising was being fed to young guys their entire lives that pushed them in certain directions, similar to how diet culture and

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 16/06/2026

I'm not sure if my assessment is even accurate, but I do think depression in men manifests differently and online spaces that provide a blueprint of "how society works (according to their bleak view)" only make it worse and fuel it more. Doesn't help that companies always advertise "vices" to men

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 16/06/2026

I never personally felt like any of them were being judged as harshly as they were judging themselves or each other within their peer group. But I'm also probably on the opposite spectrum of being really accepting and easygoing and not really following social norms at all...

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Loppi☆ @loppimonblanc.bsky.social · 16/06/2026

that they were never able to escape those thoughts. I think some of them have by now probably, but ultimately I think depression in men can lead to fear of embarrassment or humiliation and a desire to differentiate themselves from other people and not feel weak or useless.

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