Hail to the king, baby!

“You broke his nose, Angus!”

In honor of spooky season, we’re going to be dedicating this column to horror franchises for the next month.

Chapter 19: Gary is Alive and Kind of a Dick

Chapter 18: Gallows Humor is Dead Funny

Chapter 17: What a Long, Strange Trip

Chapter 16: Hot Water

Chapter 15: Meet the New Gods, Same as the Old Gods

“Shall we shag now, or shag later?”

Chapter 14: Gary is Definitely Dead

Chapter 13: Gary: The Life and Times

“Aren’t you gonna frisk me?”

Chapter 12: The Most Stressful Meet and Greet Ever

“I could eat a peach for hours.”

“I work in a little glass jar and lead a very uneventful life.

Chapter 11: Maybe Gary's Not Dead After All

“Welcome to Earth!”

“You’re gonna need a bigger boat.”

Chapter 10: A Less Than Elite Fighting Squad

“Get off!

Chapter 9: Fireside Chats

Chapter 8: Mike: Like Gary, But Better

Chapter 7: The Secrets of Southern Kitsch

Chapter 6: Capitalism and Chaos for the Common Good

Chapter %: Who Needs Gary? Not Us.

“If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 MPH, you’re going to see some serious shit.”

Chapter 4: Bogey and Bacall

Chapter 3: The Jack of All Toilets

Chapter 2: The Jack of All Trades

“Never drum on a white lady's boobies at a big redneck dance.”

“There's ALWAYS time for lubricant!”

“You know what the difference is between you and me?

“I get things are bad, but what are we doing to fix it?”

“I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.”

“Your mission, should you choose to accept it,…”

Author, parent, activist, person of interest, interesting person. Click to read Lee Pierce: The Culture of Pop, a Substack publication. Launched 14 days ago.

“Welcome… to Jurassic Park!”

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…