Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 01/01/2026New Year’s resolution - die on the smoking patio of some bar I’m lukewarm on 041
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 11/12/2025I see short to medium term growth in the torch and pitchfork sector 010
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 09/12/2025Wikipedia aka chicken soup for the autistic soul 010
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 23/11/2025Shaming this dead hiker I found for violating leave no trace principles 150
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 22/08/2025If Mark Wahlberg was at Kent State, it wouldn’t have went down like it did 041
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 22/07/2025“Peace lily? More like piece of shit lily.” *dropkicks plant across funeral parlor* 051
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 27/06/2025“My bulb is so wet right now” - a doomer talking dirty 030
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 30/05/2025Trying to find the best ufologist because I don’t want a botched vasectomy 020
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 21/05/2025I like my women like I like my Sig Sauer’s - liable to go off unexpectedly 020
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 11/05/2025I like my women like I like my Keurig K cups - aggressively toxic 010
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 04/05/2025They call it the land of the free yet no one has developed a neck fan that doesn’t interfere with the cheek weld on my AR 030
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 03/05/2025Avoid the libertarian zoo. It’s just one emaciated lion and a bunch of sunbleached skeletons 000
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 01/05/2025New product idea - gray mayonnaise aka Grayonnaise 000
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 29/04/2025This album is like twisted fantasy if Kanye realized that other people have feelings too 020
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 21/04/2025The grocery store can’t play Evanescence and expect me not to feel and express Big Emotions 010
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 21/04/2025How is it that the kids eat free promo at Hooters is never on my custody weekend? 010
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 20/04/2025The version of Clue where every room is a goon cave and every weapon a cuck chair 031
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 18/04/2025Touch grass? Nay. Touch receipts until you have BPA coming out the wazoo 010
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 18/04/2025Did you all know that the 5 second rule is a myth (except for liquids)? 010
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 18/04/2025Switching everyone to Windows 11 during Autism Acceptance Month is definitely a mixed message. 010
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 16/04/2025The best way to reduce microplastic intake is to eat animals lower in the food chain. This is why you should stop eating bear. 100
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 15/04/2025Why carry a shotgun in a scabbard while bicycling through town? Because it’d get rusty if it was touching my sweaty, sexy, muscly back, your honor. 020
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 13/04/2025ACAB doesn’t include cops with teeny, tiny badges 010
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 12/04/20255.11 Tactical should make a molle leash for hyperactive libertarians who keep wandering off 010
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 12/04/2025TIL that, on the set of Ghandi, they called Ben Kingsley, Buns Kingsley, because his buns was poppin 030
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 12/04/2025My character references all called me the “Ted Lasso of Masturbation.” They’ve never met. 000
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 09/04/2025They should call them Grape Nutz to appeal to the youth 051
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 07/04/2025What’s the point of having cum gutters if your friends aren’t snorting rails of PB2 off them? 010
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 07/04/2025Favorite pod? Popular Rump hosted by Cake Hanrahan 010
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 31/03/2025Got kicked out of med school for calling double pneumonia ‘p-dubs’ 030
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 29/03/2025Remember the episode of Home Improvement where he turbocharged his bidet then had to have surgery? 031
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 16/03/2025If you think airbnb is bad, wait til you hear about anoxiabnb. Somehow even worse. 000
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 14/03/2025I don’t think sex is allowed at Kentucky Fried Chicken, yet here I am, eating Mike’s Hot Honey Box. 010
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 14/03/2025I like my women like I like my coffee, as far away from my beautiful Mormon body as possible. 020
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 13/03/2025@michelenorris.bsky.social the absolute aggression with which you grilled that homeland security fucker made my day 🫶 010
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 10/03/2025For a richer flavor, substitute water with whole milk while preparing heroin injection 000
Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social · 10/03/2025Today I learned the founder of Adidas was named Al Didas. Absolutely wild. 020
