iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Forgot to say: Therapist consultation booked \o/ This Friday we're gonna call to see if we mesh well together and I can talk about the various things I need to go over, all the traumas and abuse I've buried since I was a kid and what's been going on that's caused this current spiral Wish me luck~

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I miss you all. I wish we could make up somehow.

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I think... if I didn't have my community and other friends and irls doing their best to help me get through this tough time I would have already tried to end my life a third time. The other reason I'm not though is Fable is sick and needs me, and my mam is too sick to bury a kid before herself.

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Reposted by Liari 🎴🦊

The depressionposting will continue until morale improves

1121

I hate what you all did to me. I hate that none of you have the balls to admit "we went too far." I hate that none of you had the balls to even talk to me before jumping to conclusions that were fucking wrong. I hate that you're too scared of being wrong to want to fix it.

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Also I'm fully aware that they're all seeing or being fed my depressionposts and it "isn't helping" them want to give me another chance but I'm actually quite done making myself pleasant to be around or changing to match people's preferences. Being me was never a problem when we were friends.

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There must be something truly broken inside you all to know that I tried to die because of how you added fourfold to my abandonment trauma and not think for even a second "was this really right? Did we go too far?" All I wanted was the chance to defend myself and you couldn't even give me that.

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One day I'll get over this friend group. But today is not that day and til then I'll lament that they jumped straight to "she's awful" instead of "maybe we're not understanding something."

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My kink is people communicating when I do something that makes them feel bad so I know and can adjust 🥵

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Admrrl Blue 🦖🦜 Dinosaur Pirate VTuber @admrrlblue.vtubers.social · 29/09/2026

Truly mature people would have understood that nothing was so black and white. They would have sought answers and explanations instead of assigning meanings I did not mean and then locking it in as truth without ever consulting me.

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Reposted by Liari 🎴🦊

Me a year ago: "I need to watch what I say and how I say it in-case people interpret it wrong and I hurt feelings when it isn't the intention" Me Today: "You need to ask 'What Do You Mean /gen' and give me a chance to explain or go find a new circle to cry in."

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Liari 🎴🦊 @liarittv.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

"She was trying to whittle him down, she was manipulative and made him feel like the bad guy when he was the one that was hurt!" Have you considered that I just talk like this, and if he had spoken up instead of saying he adored me I'd have fixed it? No? Nah you're right, better to ghost instead.

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I suppose it's easier to get over someone when you've either been convinced that they're a monster and was trying to manipulate you or you let bad feelings fester without ever bringing them up. Never let me fall for an avoidant ever again. I hope you stop letting people walk all over you.

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Liari 🎴🦊 @liarittv.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Finding a therapist that can cover all like 500 of my problems and traumas that won't break my bank is hard 🙃

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Reposted by Liari 🎴🦊

Liari 🎴🦊 @liarittv.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

It's so fucked up that a shit tonne of misunderstandings and a complete lack of communication is the entire reason that everything is so fucked right now. How do friends go from adoring me to hating me without ever asking "this doesn't seem like you, can you explain?"

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Liari 🎴🦊 @liarittv.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

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Liari 🎴🦊 @liarittv.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

"I stabbed you through your heart and you shot me through mine" was never about severity. It was my stupid brain trying to be poetic of all things about our feelings. Stabbed, because I'm British. Shot, because he's not. Not about "what you did was worse" but literally just speaking poetically.

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Liari 🎴🦊 @liarittv.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

I suppose what's even more incredible is that there are people in that group that would be infinitely more broken than I am, if what they did to me happened to them. It's astounding, really and raises even more questions, knowing what I know.

Liari 🎴🦊 @liarittv.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

As time goes on I'm more and more thankful that I have other friends in my life that ARE mature and can act in a way befitting an adult. The "friends" that abandoned me with no goodbye after promises that they wouldn't have their own traumas, but it doesn't excuse the abhorrent behavior. Be better.

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Liari 🎴🦊 @liarittv.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

I hope one day they realise just how much damage they've done to me, how much worse they've made my mental state. How much I trusted them when they said they wouldn't abandon me or run away and how broken I was after it all turned out to be lies.

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"She's convinced herself that we were the bad guys" What other explanation is there for an entire support circle of people I made myself wholly vulnerable to abandoning me one after the other, knowing the trauma I have, over what's (at worst) a misunderstanding without ever even talking to me?

140

Years of friendship and they all passed jugement without a second thought. I wonder if I just stopped being useful, and the years actually just meant nothing. I didn't stand a chance.

The depressionposting will continue until morale improves

1121

When me and my fiance broke up 6ish years ago I wasn't anywhere NEAR as fucked up as I am right now, and I moved country to be with him. Losing 4 friends that I adored more than anything due, to at worst, them severely misunderstanding me and a lack of communication is fucking brutal

071

What a fucked up dream oh my god I thought everything was okay, I thought they were all back Fuck it's like it broke me all over again

"Hey so at any point did you tell her she was making you feel like that?" "No" "Well at least you didn't encourage her, right?" "Well..." "... and you're somehow surprised that she continued?" "Well she should have known!" "How was she meant to if you're telling her everything's fine?"

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Liari 🎴🦊 @liarittv.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

How pathetic is it when my favourite dreams are the ones where my friends remember that there was more to our friendship than that brief moment of pain they think defined me, and they want to repair it with me.

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"See, we made the right choice cuz look at how she's acting." Yeah, years of trauma simultaneously being triggered fourfold tends to make someone act a smidge out of character.

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Liari 🎴🦊 @liarittv.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

I dreamed that he wanted to talk things out and fix things and I was so happy until I woke up heartbroken all over again.