Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 08/04/2026I do 100 pushups every day. If I miss a day, I add 50. It's been a real game changer. Tomorrow I'm due to do 3,000,000. 192
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 06/04/2026The crew of the Artemis are currently further away from Trump than any other human being. The lucky bastards. 170
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 05/04/2026This morning to surprise my Wife I hid some eggs around the garden, she was livid and said they were supposed to be for the children So that's the IVF treatment ruined. 130
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 04/04/2026My Uncle told me during the filming of Star Wars he capsized a boat that Harrison Ford was onboard,I'm disgusted with him I don't know how he could sink Solo. 120
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 01/04/2026This morning I convinced my mate I was making lace collars for gorillas It was an Ape Frill Fool joke 040
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 01/04/2026A Reform UK mayor has awarded £5,000 to a club by coincidence where his three son's attend. Looks like corruption to me. 032
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 01/04/2026My girlfriend has left me because she says I'm so old fashioned. I'll wager a shilling she's courting a chap who's a scoundrel. 140
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 01/04/2026There was cake in the fridge with a note: "Don't eat me." Now there's an empty plate and a note: "I don't take orders from cake." 030
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 31/03/20265 ways to avoid being tricked tomorrow on April Fools Day Method 1: …see more 130
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 29/03/2026At a sealife sanctuary, a female dolphin was introduced to a male dolphin, with some trepidation. But the keepers needn't have worried - the pair clicked straight away. 030
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 29/03/2026Just booked a 14 day holiday in Spain, £500 half bored, hope its going to be exciting. 020
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 14/03/2026Not sure if my Uncle has been diagnosed with a heart condition, or premature ejaculation The Doctor says three strokes is all it'll take to finish him off. 061
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 14/03/2026When I was little, we were so poor, that on my 6th birthday, my mum put 3 candles on half a cake and stuck it in front of a mirror. 060
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 10/03/2026I’ve got a 1998 Ford Fiesta with a full tank of petrol... Looking to swap for a 4 bed detached house. 🏡🚗✌️😗🛢️⛽️ 040
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 08/03/2026For an effective piles treatment, suppositories are up there. 050
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 07/03/2026My wife asked me to get a tena out of the cashpoint machine. Got to say, that's the first I knew about her weak bladder 050
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 07/03/2026I was driving a hearse on the motorway yesterday.The police pulled me over for undertaking. 161
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 06/03/2026Thieves broke into my neighbours garden last night and stole all his astro-turf.I saw him outside this morning,looking forlorn. 0101
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 06/03/2026Knock Knock. Who's there? Déjàv. Déjàv who? Knock Knock. 250
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 06/03/2026I think it’s really cruel that posh hotels make towels from swans 150
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 06/03/2026An old lady fell into a freezer in the vegetable aisle of her local Iceland store. No one noticed until the following morning. They opened the freezer and there she was, frozen to the marrow. 030
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 06/03/2026A wagon has crashed on the M62 this morning, shedding its load of Watchtower magazines. Police are appealing for witnesses. 030
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 06/03/2026It is a little known fact that king Richard III was obsessed with Nordic women, as exemplified by the often misquoted line in Shakespeare’s play of the same name “A Norse, a Norse, my kingdom for a Norse” 140
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 06/03/2026I’m considering killing off a few of the characters in the book I am writing. That certainly should spice up my autobiography. 2193
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 05/03/2026Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it fit. It was a pair of socks. But still, let's be positive here. 160
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 05/03/2026I'd love to earn a full-time wage just by taking part in sleep studies. It would be my dream job. 160
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 05/03/2026My mate says I’ve got a hairstyle like Bobby Charlton. I thought that was a bit over the top. 050
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 05/03/2026Vegetable patches are pointless. I can give up vegetables easily without them. 080
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 05/03/2026I read that people had great difficulty communicating with Vincent Van Gogh - it was in 1 ear & it stayed there 060
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 05/03/2026Does anyone know how to cook those boil in the bag fish you get at fairs? 150
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 21/02/2026My son took his first steps this morning. The window cleaner was furious… 160
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 21/02/2026The British Hairdressers Society sponsors Team GB at the Olympics and tonight we will see the appearance of the men's curlers 040
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 21/02/2026I don't want to worry anyone, but our neighbour has a son called Noah...and he's just started building a big wooden boat in his backyard!!? 040
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 20/02/2026Not using the doorbell, has a significant knock on effect. 060
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 20/02/2026Jonathon Push Is attempting to buy the quaint village of Shuv and turn it into a giant supermarket. He’s going to pay a visit but the villagers are ready for when Push comes to Shuv 050
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 20/02/2026So I said to the Librarian: "Do you have Great Expectations?" She said: "I did, but ended up working in a library". 180
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 30/01/2026I just wanna be rich enough to throw leftovers away after dinner instead of putting them in Tupperware and throwing them away a week later! 150
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 29/01/2026Why is it that if you donate one kidney, people love you, but if you donate five kidneys, they call the police? 140
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 21/01/2026I've just bought a moblie phone from a Vicar.... It's pray as you go. 271
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 21/01/2026I bought one of these 'smart' light switches, but it was too clever for me… so I replaced it with a dimmer switch. 151
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 21/01/2026I’ve been thinking long and hard for a pun about coal mines; I had to dig deep for this one. 150
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 21/01/2026We should just cancel April Fools this year. Ain't no prank topping reality. 171
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 20/01/2026I got arrested at the local pool for wearing inappropriate swimwear I now have to do a Speedo awareness course 050
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 20/01/2026I've got two boxes full of "How To Avoid Confrontation." Books. Do you want some? 061
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 20/01/2026Someone stole my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about that. 041
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 19/01/2026Lost my job as an airline pilot, apparently I had a bad altitude 071
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 15/01/2026Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor. 150
Just call me Les. @lesmartin.bsky.social · 14/01/2026I woke this morning to an awful smell. My alarm clock had gone off... 020
