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Lauren Simmons

@laurendorphin.bsky.social
600 followers 114 following 330 posts

Dressy jogger. Listens to too many podcasts. Baseball feelings. Strident on the internet.

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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
After experiencing the Phoebe phone-free show I have to say, I’d pay good money for a marathon with a Yondr pouch policy.
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Tonight I will do important research: Will Phoebe make me put my Garmin in a Yondr bag?
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
OTHER MOMMY trailers during the MLB playoffs when kids will clearly be watching, diabolical
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Myles walking up to “Closing Time” for game 162. I love you, my Millenial anthem king.
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
(I’m sure someone has made this joke before but:) The only Claud(e) I acknowledge is Kishi.
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Have the Blue Jays declined since Lukes stopped using “Vertigo” as his walk up
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Having a nice time
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Stilettos* *reeboks and broken* *water bottles
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
I feel very fortunate to live in a time where we get to read and listen to Hanif Aburraqib.
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Halloween costume idea: an 8-leg parlay, an octopus if you will
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Do not ask how the cold open to today’s 60 Songs Sade episode is about “let’s remember some guys,” just embrace it (cc @mrisold.bsky.social)
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
This picture I took of my kid running looks like it belongs in a pro runner’s post about switching to the roads.
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Did some Ontario travel this past week and I’m thrilled to report that Sudbury has some great running/cycling infrastructure and the Laurentian U track is just open to the public to run on? Also good murals!
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
I’m gonna say that the Tempo mascot Dot is like, short and detached.
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
No one tell Doug Ford you can just maintain a Moriyama science centre instead of closing it
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
It’s Youth Baseball Day at the SkyDome and I’m sharing my row with an entire U10 team and I have never done this much sitting/standing/up-and-downing with the kids coming and going. It’s a tie game in the 6th. They’re starting the wave.
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
Not ready to say goodbye to Daryl Watts and Kevin Gausman in the same year
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
Toronto Tempo third jersey blue is so perfect
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
I watched Angine de Poitrine while the Blue Jays won their third in a row nobody can tell me anything
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
If they add Angine de Poitrine to the bill on the day I’m taking my kid to Osheaga for Tate McRae, I will truly be God’s favourite
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
This and not thinking about the 2026 Toronto Blue Jays
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
My kid just spent a month at summer camp with an Irish counsellor, and now she asks all questions with a perfect lilt
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
Incredibly glad to have watched The Invite instead of the Blue Jays tonight.
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
No more AI flyers! Bin Boys forever!
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
My friends and I decided to cheer for Little like he was closing out game 7 and it worked, dropped that ERA below 23 baybeeeee
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
Saw Muse and Bloc Party in summer 2006, saw Muse and Bloc Party in summer 2026.
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
Tonight I lived the dream (showed up to trivia with co-workers for the first time and COOKED in the music and movie questions).
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
More like MoreJonatan
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
This Padres pitcher’s warm-up music appears to be “Baba O’Reilly” and unfortunately I like that a lot.
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
Sorry but 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
Sneaky Dee’s saved. Kyle Lowry retiring a Raptor. Kawhi coming back. Portugal loves Toronto. Cease shoved in Seattle. What the hell, let’s win a soccer game.
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
Toronto blue jays winning in Seattle could heal me
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
We sang “Right Back To It” at karaoke for Kawhi
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
Jays continue to suck but I got a new tattoo so
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
Okamato walking up to “Iris” is important to me
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 24/06/2026
My first time lining up for a Jays giveaway and I secured the bag (it was meant to be)
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
Kazuma Okamoto saved my life
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
Sceptres getting a player nicknamed Simsy, I’m all the way up
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
Death, taxes, and Davis Schneider at Fenway.
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 15/06/2026
I let my 10 year-old daughter stay up to watch the defeat of Carter Hart and instead she had to hear Ron McLean make a roofie joke.
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 13/06/2026
I saw this sky on the morning the new Olivia came out and my daughter got her first jewelry box and then the Jays went up by 5, June in Toronto forever.
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
I need people to understand the very basic fact that any faults Toronto shows during the World Cup are not Olivia Chow’s fault - she inherited the low tax legacy of Ford/Tory.
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 03/06/2026
Global Running Day is fake but this is nice
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 24/05/2026
ISTG my kid would be a goated Jr Jays future announcer, what do I have to do?
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 22/05/2026
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 21/05/2026
Gotta say that’s one of the best skies I’ve seen in years
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
60 Songs giving 14 year-old me what I want
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 12/05/2026
The 2026 Blue Jays are the answer to the hypothetical about risking it all for one shot at greatness
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 05/05/2026
Live by the Trop, die by the Trop
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Lauren Simmons @laurendorphin.bsky.social · 30/04/2026
If Books coming for Angela Duckworth, I used to pray for times like this
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