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a girl with a bow in her hair is sitting at a table with a green drink

Licensing board just made a bunch of changes which is going to remove some of my already low hours in that category and now I have to make up even more

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ALT: a girl with a bow in her hair is sitting at a table with a green drink

I have half of a video left for school and then I have some work tasks to complete and then I’m taking the rest of the night off to mentally prepare for work tomorrow by playing pokemon and reading my book

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i hope everyone has been good while i have been gone i will try and catch up with everyone but no promises because I am always either working on something for work or school rn

for now I am focusing on - quitting weed - losing weight to be back to a "comfortable" weight - getting back to exercising daily - finishing my degree - getting my hours for my license - get my finances under control

+ swollen for about a month now so I am trying to get myself figured out and have a lot of appointments constantly - i am focusing hard on quitting weed because it is taking up too much of my life - i survived the first anniversary of my dads death and didn't blow up my life entirely

updates from when I was here last: - in my second term of grad school and it is kicking my butt but I am learning a lot - i am still working on my hours for my license and genuinely struggling to manage it while also in grad school - i am dealing with health issues such as my lymph node being +

❄️ Larrie ☁️ @larri3.bsky.social · 09/07/2025

Hi I want to try and use this account

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Maybe I can smoke just one day of the weekend and that’ll keep it under control but I literally cannot be smoking more than one day a week

❄️ Larrie ☁️ @larri3.bsky.social · 09/07/2025

Broke and smoked weed the past two days for my “weekend” and woke up with a stomach ache due to binging back to no smoking

So yeah maybe I’m not the most reliable right now at work but I’m juggling grad school, working with KIDS, my grief, and my shit health all while trying to meet everyone’s expectations and show no weakness. I’m doing my best.

Yeah I’ve missed work because sometimes I get so caught up in the fact my father shot himself in the park he basically raised me in with the same gun as his uncle did and because of that I’m going crazy. Oh and it also triggered all my health issues and I’ve had to quit all substances

I am almost positive my boss is just gonna try and pull me tomorrow to talk with me and honestly I’m just pulling the dead dad card I’m so fucking done explaining myself nicely for everyone’s comfort

This is literally what happens to me but trust me that meant it was working for me. It quieted and steadied my brain to the point I could actually sleep it was miraculous. Wish you the best of luck with the meds 🤍

Now everyone is gonna treat me weird and I am even more scared to go back there I almost just want to go back to working in home because the dynamics of working with others has been soul crushing

Called into work and feel so much shame and embarrassment even though I literally had my stomach biopsied last week because I’ve been doing so bad health wise

I drank way too much last night but we are still up and ready by 8 AM to do more work

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I wish you and her the best of luck 🤍 I did have police records when I broke my lease so that might be necessary. I would also check laws because some states will press charges for domestic regardless of the victims wishes if they see evidence of abuse.

I don’t want to be sober when I wake up tomorrow wtf

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I’m sorry that you can relate to this honestly it’s the worst feeling. I know someday I’ll end up like my dad and his uncle. It’s just the way things go

I’m going to die just like my dad someday I can’t escape this

If she ever needs out of her lease quickly certain states have laws that will let her break the lease with no consequences if there is domestic abuse within the residence. I have done it before and only had to pay the remaining rent balance — just in case this info helps 🤍

The parallel of me drinking to cope with my father and my mother drinking my whole life to cope with her father is too much I fear

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If I’m with others this isn’t a problem but when I’m alone I just can’t turn it off. The weed helped that too much and now I just feel unbalanced.

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❄️ Larrie ☁️ @larri3.bsky.social · 29/06/2025

I’ve quit smoking weed and it’s been a great thing for me but now when I’m alone and I have to stop working I have to drink otherwise I won’t stop working

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Most days it just feels like my dad put a curse on me and everything I have been building is gonna be 100x harder to keep and continue building and also I break a toe every 2-4 weeks

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❄️ Larrie ☁️ @larri3.bsky.social · 28/06/2025

I am absolutely drowning in everything

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❄️ Larrie ☁️ @larri3.bsky.social · 23/06/2025

I have a 6 hour shift at work and then I need to work on school once I am home and I’m going to kill both

❄️ Larrie ☁️ @larri3.bsky.social · 23/06/2025

Good morning everyone time for a busy Monday

I haven’t worked as much as I should have today and I hate myself for it but I know I need the rest

TLDR: I am absolutely drowning in work and any time I’m not working on things I’m freaking out about the things I should be working on

For a brief update: - in my grad program - apprenticeship at work has started as well so I can begin accruing hours towards my license - my health has been troublesome and my doctors are blaming it all on my mental health - i have broken my two twice in two weeks

❄️ Larrie ☁️ @larri3.bsky.social · 30/03/2025

Hi I’m sorry for being so inactive life has been absolutely destroying me

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I feel like I am finally getting back to a stable place with structure back in place

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❄️ Larrie ☁️ @larri3.bsky.social · 30/03/2025

I’m starting my new job tomorrow, I start my grad program May 12th, and it’s been my dads birthday month on top of me graduating so there has been a lot of change and shifting

❄️ Larrie ☁️ @larri3.bsky.social · 30/03/2025

Hi I’m sorry for my absence this month has been really hard for me with all these transitions and dead dad grief

I thought I had to fear ending up like my mom and being a drunk but turns out I just have to fear killing myself like most of my family including my own father

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Everyone has kept praising me for how I’ve been handling my dad’s death but I genuinely don’t feel like my life has been real since October. I think someday I’ll just wake up and this will all be a horrible nightmare I’ve conjured up because this is hell

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The only way I see myself staying alive through this and everything is by shutting myself down so I am just functioning and as painful as that is it’s what needs to happen because if I truly open myself up to this all I’d probably be swallowed whole by it

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I just can’t stop thinking about how isolated I am and the fact that it will probably stay this way for the foreseeable future because my dads death has shut me down to everyone and I don’t see a way out of it

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New job + getting accepted to grad school + dead dads birthday is too much

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I think I’ve overdone it on large changes/events this week and now I can’t handle life again

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I hope everyone else has had a good week and the full moon today is kind

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Everything is good I am just trying to balance everything carefully and take care of myself this week as it’s full of a bunch of high highs and low lows

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4. Cardiologist said I am making good strides and I don’t have to see her again for a year! I have to keep up everything I’m doing now and I should be able to manage my POTS with no medication

3. I applied to grad school and am in the process of getting that figured out for May. It is honestly so much easier than I thought and I can’t wait to be back in school

2. I secured a new job at a clinic that meets all my needs currently and am really excited. It’s bittersweet leaving my company as they have been good to me but I know this change will be good for me and push me to grow even more

1. This week (specifically yesterday) was my dad’s birthday and it was a lot harder than I thought.

Alright I have a lot to update everyone on