Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 29/03/2024"But he still lays chocolate eggs, right?" "What?" "Chocolate eggs... he lays them, wraps them in foil, and hides them from ravenous human children roaming the forest?" "Abdiel, we need to talk." 050
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 28/03/2024Oh yeah, now that I squint it's... yeah... I guess I imagined... something else. I'll get my coat. 110
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 28/03/2024Wait wait wait. Bottom left. What exactly is for sale here? 130
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 28/03/2024And my owner bowed and prayed To the kitty God they spayed And they heeded well my warning To give food to me each morning While their hand bled I purred on the sofa and threw up a few hairballs Now nature calls And you must now enjoy... my cat box stench. 030
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 28/03/2024"Fools" say I, "You do not know That my blood sugar is low Hear my yowls that I might teach you How to give wet food and treats too!" But my cries, fall again upon deaf ears And so I fear... this calls for violence. 030
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 28/03/2024And in the fridge's light I saw Ten turkey slices, maybe more Whole fresh salmon with the skin on Sour cream and filet mignon It would be so wrong if these were never shared With your short-haired And furry friend... please see sense. 020
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 28/03/2024In restless dreams I stalked alone Tasty mice with crunchy bones 'Neath the corner of your bookshelf I got my collar off for extra stealth Then my prize was snatched with a flash of my claws and bite Mouse tastes alright But deli meat... makes more sense. 040
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 28/03/2024The remaining tenth is the Tithe to Hell. *snorty nerd chuckle* 010
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 28/03/2024I salute the rooster's innovation, but how does it hold the instrument? 010
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 28/03/2024I throw acorns at them all the time, and they don't flinch. 000
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 28/03/2024"Your ware is soft, like your bones. I am the Vendor Ender." 021
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 28/03/2024Oh yeah, they all kinda blur together. Rest in piss, I guess. 000
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 27/03/2024Dinner-ninner near-nih-ner! Dinner-ninner near-nih-ner! Dinner-ninner near-nih-ner... DIHNEH! 010
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 27/03/2024Wouldn't it be "Read Ye, Read Ye"? Which would then be shortened to "Ready, Ready"? Or "Ragey, Ragey"? Or just "Errrrrr"? 000
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 26/03/2024"Aaagh! Oh there it is! Aaagh! Oh there it is! Aaagh! Oh there it is!" 020
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 26/03/2024My dad, standing behind me as I watch TV, about to say the most Boomer shit iimaginable. 060
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 26/03/2024SOMEONE didn't pray to our lord and savior while opening a receptacle. 010
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 26/03/2024Great. Now I'll have to ask the cashier if I can "lick the Next Customer Please" 000
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 26/03/2024The next time someone complains about me chewing on them, I'm gonna school their ass. 000
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 26/03/2024Tyger tyger, swole and tight. On the highway, in the night. 030
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 26/03/2024That bird on the bear's shoulder is about to get a free ride. 010
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 25/03/2024I still remember that 3 turn game where the orks won by shooting one Ultramarine. 110
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 25/03/2024We all prefer the strawberry ones. Fuck the blackberry ones. 010
Lamord @lamord.bsky.social · 25/03/2024I'm curious what the answer is. Like, do you have to get to space yourself? 010
