LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 21mI was up in the attic the other day and found an 80-year-old painting. I told him to get out. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 07/10/2026I parked in a spot that was reserved for witches. When I got back there was a warning on my car saying, “You will be toad”. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 06/10/2026I wondered how many shoulders vampires have. I decided to count scapula. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 05/10/2026My local golf course is haunted by a spirit that is rubbish at the sport. The bogeyman. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 04/10/2026What sort of socks do pandas wear? None, they have bear feet. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 03/10/2026Why did the albino pig have bad breath? He has no pig mints. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 02/10/2026I accidentally got locked in the hall of mirrors. It gave me time to reflect. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 01/10/2026I bought one of those “smart” light switches, but it was too clever for me. So I replaced it with a dimmer switch. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 010
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 30/09/2026I just started my new job at a door factory. I’m still learning the ins and outs. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 001
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 29/09/2026Archaeologists recently discovered a set of glowing human bones. They believe they’ve found evidence of Neondrathal Man. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 28/09/2026What do you call a dinosaur who just totaled his car? Tyrannosaurus wrecks. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 27/09/2026A factory worker died after falling into a vat of coffee. Paramedics said he didn’t suffer – it was instant. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 26/09/2026My friend quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 010
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 25/09/2026I know an elderly vampire. He’s quite long in the tooth. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 24/09/2026My friend claims he climbed Mount Everest, but no one believes him. Personally, I think he made it up. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 010
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 23/09/2026I spotted a bird playing chess. I thought, “Toucan play that game”. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 22/09/2026When I was younger I wanted to be a chiropractor. But then I found out it was back-breaking work. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 21/09/2026I got a job working shifts as a piece in a 24-hour human chess game. I’m on knights this week. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 010
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 20/09/2026What do you call a reindeer who can write with his left and his right hoof? Bambidextorous. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 19/09/2026I need training before I start my new job at a restaurant. I can’t wait. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 18/09/2026Why did the elf turn his phone to silent? He was bored of the rings. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 17/09/2026Why did Cleopatra bathe in milk? She couldn’t find a cow tall enough to have a shower. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 16/09/2026I’ve almost perfected my mime Elvis act. Just need a little less conversation. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 14/09/2026My wife was fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 010
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 13/09/2026I’m addicted to pressing the F1 key on my computer. I’m trying to get help. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 12/09/2026I just started volunteering to clean litter off the side of the road. I didn’t get any training, but I’ll pick it up as I go along. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 11/09/2026“You’ve got mail”, said the blacksmith as he delivered the knight’s new armor. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 064
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 10/09/2026I know someone who was going to propose using a helium balloon. He popped the question. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 09/09/2026I ordered a lockable box and a speaker online. They arrived, safe and sound. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 08/09/2026My local bank is installing an ATM in a tree. If it’s successful, they might expand to other branches. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 07/09/2026Last night I dreamed I had an identical twin. This morning, when I woke up, I was beside myself! #funny #jokes #dadjokes 021
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 06/09/2026I used to be great at stopping myself from being hit by hailstones by wearing a suit of armor. Now I’m a bit rusty. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 05/09/2026Doctor: “Have you experienced any unexplained weight gain this year?” Me: “No, I can probably explain it all.” #funny #jokes #dadjokes 010
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 04/09/2026A group of guys covered in coal dust walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve miners”. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 03/09/2026It turns out I need to lose weight to get my pilot’s license. Chocs away! #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 02/09/2026The scissors were going to stand for president of the stationery cupboard … But they couldn’t find anyone to run with them. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 30/08/2026Where do beekeepers stay on vacation? At an Air Bee & Bee. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 020
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 29/08/2026I’m seeing a therapist about my kleptomania issues. I’ve taken something valuable from every session. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 28/08/2026I always found it hard to learn to play the harp. It’s not an easy instrument to pick up. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 26/08/2026I went to see a play about fly fishing. The cast was amazing. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 25/08/2026I was examining my tomato plants looking for caterpillar tracks. That’s when I got run over by a tank. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 24/08/2026My friend was hit by a drum kit the other day. The doctor says he has percussion. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 23/08/2026I have a pet tree. It’s like having a pet dog except the bark is quieter. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 22/08/2026I tripped and hit my head on a pillow. Got a concushion. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 21/08/2026Did you hear about the explosion at the bathroom showroom? Authorities are warning residents to expect scattered showers. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 20/08/2026I took a nasty tumble while boarding a flight yesterday and ended up in the hospital. Luckily, the doctor says it’s just an airline fracture. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 19/08/2026To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camo jacket… You can hide but you can’t run. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 18/08/2026I saw a fireman releasing a bunch of female sheep on the side of the roads to eat all the brush in the hills. I asked him why they were all female. He said, “Only ewe can prevent forest fires!” #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 17/08/2026If only someone could speed up the deer reproduction process… They could probably make a million bucks. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 000
LaffGaff @laffgaff.com · 16/08/2026Husband: The nerve of that doctor! Saying I’m so old that he referred me to an archaeologist. Wife: Audiologist, dear. You can’t hear. #funny #jokes #dadjokes 010
