iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

After all, I have lived my entire life filled with trauma, from parents to partners, beaten to the brink of death from narcissistic abuse, but it didn't kill me. Why go down the path I am not sure will when I can stay in the wasteland of my own internal absolution of sins I did not commit?

010

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

It's very humbling to know that I am the reason I am miserable now. I live in survival mode constantly, so love and desire are all muted, because those things don't help me survive over the incertain stability that having control does.

120

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

I'm so empty inside that I live a life desperate for the attention and praise of others to fill it. I give every single thing I can in my heart to muster an iota of pride in another, only to deny myself any pleasure I could derive from it, starving myself from joy so I always remain hungry for it.

020

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

It's kinda bullshit I have to exist and be perceived in order to function within relationships. Things would be so much better if I was just a nameless concept of a person without a face. Maybe not even a body. I want to be the ghost hands that just exist in someone's depraved life.

020

Reposted by Lady Ludorum

Sfmcompile.club @sfmcompile.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Aerith & Tifa

185398

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

It's kinda just bullshit that I have to do things that make me good for myself, and I just can't exist because the bar having been in hell for so long doesn't magically make the absence of it seem like ambrosia in comparison.

220

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I spent my whole life working get myself in a position where someone isn't in a position to abuse me, and I finally managed it, and now I am just lost. I don't know what to do other than survive and I am just constantly miserable, so I fall back on my old coping tactics to numb myself.

120

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

It's kinda bullshit that I got out of some severely abusive dynamics after being exposed to it for 30+ years, and I am free for the first time and, somehow I am not just automatically happy and I have no idea how to make myself happy.

120

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Look into echoism and see if any of the symptoms resonate with you.

010

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Such a good stinky baby. You really filled them up. Good job!

020

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

If it means anything, this is my first time seeing your art and this is what got me to follow.

120

Reposted by Lady Ludorum

Forbidden Fruit Bat @forbiddenfruitbat.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

2026 August Color commission for RubberFairy [ #nsfw | #nsfwcommission | 🍒 #SPICYffbsketch | 💋🥭🦇 #forbiddenfruitbat ]

211125

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Abuser: "You have such a good heart. You would make such a good pet for me. You're not appreciated enough, even by yourself. You should let me do all the thinking for you." Me: Aww, you're so sweet! Genuine Friend: "Hey, are you doing okay?" Me: Ummm... Hello? Human Resources?!

030

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Me: "Why do I keep falling for abusers?" Also me: An obsessive people pleaser who constantly makes herself as a kink and comfort dispenser because she is absolutely desperate for scrap of affection in return regardless of any red flags. Me: "I don't understand why it keeps happening to me."

140

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

Yeah, 600mg is really good, isn't it? For me, it makes me so happy and pro social and everything becomes so much easier to not think about, like trying to grasp water, the thoughts just slip right through.

010

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Please let her know she looks really pretty like that.

010

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

That and I am also plural. I might start using this as also a space for my alter to just post what she wants, since she wants to be a bit more unhinged and I won't let her on my main.

000

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

I don't really want to make an alt alt account considering I barely engage in this one. That and this is kinda my sewer anyway since I stopped doing SW. And ultimately I haven't changed, I am just more myself. So I will probably just lean into it a bit more.

100

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

I might do another rebrand here to account for recent life changes. I have someone in my life that has really helped me indulge heavily in my harder, more masochistic side and has allowed me to be completely unhinged, and I kinda wanna lean into that a lot more.

110

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

Had a dream where I was being kissed on by not one, not even two, but three separate women were cuddling and kissing on me and none of them I recognize. If you were the girl in my dreams, please let me know, okay?

010

Reposted by Lady Ludorum

xuuikie @xuuikie.bsky.social · 24/08/2026

Goth Samus

152744576

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

Life has been nothing but a never ending journey of self-discovery for me; in some ways healing, in some ways damaging, in some ways dooming, in some ways freeing. And in almost every way, it's been a struggle to learn what to even do with this information lately.

010

Reposted by Lady Ludorum

Osaka, we 🐇 @osaka.zone · 20/08/2026

Assuming its like a waffle-iron, this would go hard with icing. Making puppygirls biscuit treats like this would be very sweet, especially using CBC&THC oils. Have you been a good girl?

615333

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

Oh yeah, it's been a few days and I am just insanely cooked.

000

Reposted by Lady Ludorum

🔞null🔞 @null-bis.bsky.social · 14/08/2026

Self consciousness

9619119

Reposted by Lady Ludorum

Inbal Breda @greyannis.bsky.social · 09/08/2026

Might as well post it here! A magical girl animation I've been slowly chipping at over the weekends for ages.

8012939410103

Reposted by Lady Ludorum

Devilina @xodevilina.bsky.social · 10/08/2026

Yes, I’m an angel of sorts. You can say that there’s a kind of heaven found beneath me. Shall I show you a glimpse of it? Photo: @SubJ_rem Edits: Me

0154

Reposted by Lady Ludorum

Calamari Cakes @calamaricakes.bsky.social · 23/07/2026

Seven days a week 🙌😔

3367491024

Reposted by Lady Ludorum

✨Pʀɪɴᴄᴇss Kɪᴛᴛɪ🇮🇪✨ @princesskitti3.com · 21/07/2026

71/250 Traction slowed unfortunatley, once we get this cleared we're back on our feet 🥹🥹 any support welcomed please reshare 🥰 #mutualaid #MAboost #helpfolkslive #helpfolkslive2026 #support #helpsky #aidsky #crowdfunding PayPal.me/shwkitti

15336

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 20/07/2026

I felt like I wasn't having to just fully monitor everything I said. I didn't have to hide. I couldn't hide. All of myself was being laid bare, exposed, being seen. And I need that. I need it more than anything. More than half my life was lived for other people. I need to start living for myself.

120

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 20/07/2026

3. It really made me realize how much I needed it. Like, I really, really can't keep choking down my own needs all the time for the sake of just pushing myself to meet others needs. Yesterday was the first time in a very long time I felt like I was a complete person.

120

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 20/07/2026

In the past, everything felt forced, muted, distant. It was like someone was going through the tropes and I just assumed that was it. Last night, it was so fluid, so natural, so constant, so intense that it felt *real*. It wasn't a performance, it wasn't roleplay. It was absolutely real.

120

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 20/07/2026

2. It made me realize that the last 'sadist' I had been with was just, more or less, entirely faking it until she made it. The two experiences were a night and day contrast and I mainly misjudged because my own expectations were so low.

120

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 20/07/2026

She got into my head and just run laps around me and the moment I had any sense of composure it was pushed out of me by her, to the point where I felt like I had *no* control or resistance. I was running on instinct.

120

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 20/07/2026

1. I have never actually felt so weak before. In the face of past abuses, I have learned to take intense amounts of pain and have to fight my own fight-or-flight response to keep my composure. I have a super-human amount of tolerance to it that I never 'lost control'. Yesterday my head went blank.

120

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 20/07/2026

I got to spend some time with a sadist with controls to my pishock yesterday and holy SHIT it changed my brain chemistry.

120

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

I would if I could. Distance foils me once again, but hopefully I got your mind going and made you at least a little less bored.

110

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

I teased them, said I knew how to turn on the sound equipment and I could broadcast their moans throughout the entire park so everyone within the city block would hear it. God, I miss those days.

110

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

I was once was a security guard myself at a garden, was so skeleton crew I closed 5 days of the week, no one came in until morning, no cameras, barely any alarms. I've fucked at least three people in the middle of an open air stage.

110

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

I would if I could and it was consensual and I wouldn't get you fired (unless you were going to quit, then I'd consider it still).

110

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 10/07/2026

Good news: In the past year I have been on a journey of self-discovery and I have learned a lot about myself. Bad news: I hate everything I have learned, I am a worse person for it, I fear it will lead to my destruction or stagnation, and overall nothing useful has been gleaned from this knowledge.

000

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 10/07/2026

I am just an internet rando mutual of a mutual, so I can't speak to what is going on in your personal life. As someone who has struggled with these thoughts myself a lot, I would say look up the term "echoism" or "echoist" and see if any of that applies to yourself.

010

Lady Ludorum @ladyludorum.bsky.social · 10/07/2026

Good news: I am on a journey of self-discovery and I am learning a lot about myself. Bad news: I hate every single thing I have learned thus far, it's complicating my life beyond measure, there isn't anything useful, and overall I yearn for my days of ignorance.

000

Reposted by Lady Ludorum

Devilina @xodevilina.bsky.social · 07/07/2026

Sounding is such an erotic and intimate thing. I love taking a person’s first time. The way I live on in their memory is its own immortality. My doll delighted in knowing that all her holes could be fucked, especially her little clitty.

0164