iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 57m

I'm sure that's like something. It'll come to me.

Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 18h

My final evening at Birmingham Lit Fest, with rockstar sex-historian Dr Kate Lister, pictured here explaining that the best euphemisms for cunnilingus her research revealed are ‘sneezing in the cabbage’ and ‘impersonating Stalin’.

Kate Lister on stage pulling a shocked face jazz hands pose.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 20h

Turns out he’s the moderator’s dad, so now I’m imagining he’s dead and this is his way of haunting her.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 21h

Just had emphatic-man behind me at Lit Fest. Every point the speaker made he said, ‘Yes, that’s right’.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

Writer who tricked me into reading Moby-Dick twice has pulled out of the Lit Fest at the last minute. So I needn’t have brought my harpoon with me on the bus.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

More Birmingham Lit Fest, and how do you celebrate being shortlisted for the Booker? Luke Kennard has bought a rucksack and a shed. M John Harrison has bought a really good chair and a new kettle, but he’s jealous of Luke’s shed.

Writers M John Harrison and Luke Kennard on stage in conversation.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Drama students from the Conservatoire today in The Beau Defeated by Mary Pix. I’d never heard of it and it’s the usual Restoration stuff but done with great gusto. Campaign now to bring back addressing people as: ‘You saucebox’.”

Actors in Restoration dress dance in formation.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

This last view from a man wearing, in all seriousness, leopard print trousers. Also, early appearance of, ‘We’ve just got time for one more question if it’s quick’ [questioner tells their life story, which does not appear to include an actual question].

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

First night of Birmingham Literature Festival, featuring a thousand pieces of merch with ‘Books Bab’ written on them. Emerging theme: diversity is going backwards. Contentious opinion: comedy is objective. If people don’t laugh then either you or they aren’t funny.

Writers on stage discussing books. Behind them a projection of people wearing identical Books Bab t-shirts.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

He just needs to understand your house was conjured by elemental spirits. Measure it with an elemental spirit level.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Well, I have now seen Digger, and if you wanted a non-symmetrical Wes Anderson take on Dr Strangelove that becomes completely inert in its last 30 minutes, this is the film for you. Nowhere near as bad as its box office but they spent $150m more than they should have done.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

This is the best bit. To be honest, you get just as good a view on the Bayeux Museum website. www.bayeuxmuseum.com/en/the-bayeu...

Panel from the Bayeux Tapestry of Harold and attendants wading through the sea to board their ships. They've taken their tights off and tucked their tunics into their knickers. Harold has a falcon and they carry cheerful dogs under their arms.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

I've seen the Bayeux Tapestry queue at the British Museum.

Picture in the style of the Bayeux Tapestry of a queue of people waiting to have their bags checked before being let into a museum. A Latin heading translates as: we all wait here for a long time.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

I did intend to watch Digger but seem to have accidentally watched Gold Diggers of 1933 instead. Best line for everyday use: Oh no, I just couldn't leave the room without a corsage.

Ginger Rodgers wearing a sheer dress and blonde wig sits on a piano.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

I have found the greatest villain in Victorian literature.

‘Bread-and-cheese! Does Mr Gibson eat cheese?’
‘Yes; he’s very fond of it,’ said Molly, innocently. ‘I’ve known him eat toasted cheese when he has been too tired to fancy anything else.’
‘Oh! but, my dear, we must change all that. I shouldn’t like to think of your father eating cheese; it’s such a strong-smelling, coarse kind of thing. We must get him a cook who can toss him up an omelette, or something elegant. Cheese is only fit for the kitchen.’
‘Papa is very fond of it,’ persevered Molly.
‘Oh! but we will cure him of that. I couldn’t bear the smell of cheese; and I’m sure he would be sorry to annoy me.’

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

The marquees are presumably for the giant vegetables.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

So today in Birmingham we’ve built a high-security detention centre for Conservatives in the middle of town.

Tall security fences around a series of temporary structures. Signs on the fence say CPC26: Conservatives.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

What’s the Japanese word for being really pleased with the good job you’ve done of cleaning the windows, until the next morning when the sun strikes from a different angle and you can see every smear.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Also recommend for asthmatics like me who are being turned away by the NHS now. £90 is alarming but less alarming than asthma + covid.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

It’s #Victober which is the month for reading Victoriana, so I’m giving it a go from the unread on my bookshelves. Please feel free to throw buns at whoever invented the word Victober.

A pile of books: Dombey & Son, Esther Waters, Wives and Daughters, Barry Lyndon, Victorian Verse, and Inventing the Victorians.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I haven’t just spent the day reading about sex, I’ve also made the last of my green tomatoes into chutney. So I’ve run the full gamut of female experience.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

She also describes testicles as ‘two small buildings placed next to a tower, [to] defend it’, which is sweet.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Hildegard of Bingen with the first description of the female orgasm. And if you think we’ve come a long way from this ladies, note that predictive text doesn’t recognise ‘orgasm’ but does suggest we might mean ‘organising’.

When a woman is joined to a man, the heat of her brain, which has delectation in it, first announces the perception of delight in that joining, and the pouring forth of seed. After the seed has fallen into its place, that heat attracts and holds it. Soon the women’s kidneys contract; all the organs, prepared for opening at the menstrual period, are now closed; like a strong man enclosing something in his hand.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Also pleased with the idea of ‘the Victorians being shocked at the word trousers’.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Reading Flick: The Story of Female Pleasure by Dr Kate Lister, and I’ve reached Natalie Clifford Barney’s lesbian salon in Paris. I may adopt the phrase ‘you can’t have an elephant in my garden’ as a multi-purpose euphemism.

The legendary courtesan Mata Hari is said to have once danced through the salon completely naked. She had wanted to arrive on an elephant, but Barney refused, saying, ‘there are cookies and tea, but you can’t have an elephant in my garden.’

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Reading homework for Birmingham Lit Fest in October and the gender reversed Moby-Dick is an easier read than actual Moby-Dick but doesn’t really veer off course into new waters and…basically I’ve been tricked into reading Moby-Dick twice in two months, haven’t I.

Cover of Call Me Ishmaelle by Xiaolu Guo.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Briefly considered a tribute to both men in one by picking out Hey Joe on Handel's harpsichord and then setting it on fire, but my sister-in-law was ready for a cup of tea, and so great moments in music history slip through our fingers.

Eighteenth century-style panelled music room with a harpsichord and paintings on the walls of musicians.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

I've been to the Handel Hendrix House, as I was passing. They were both out but the Hendrix flat does a reasonable job of making it look like he's just left, down to copious fag ends in ashtrays, though I don't really believe he ate that much fruit.

1960s-style bedroom with a pink psychedelic bedspread and a guitar on the bed. There are turquoise curtains and the walls and ceiling are hung with carpets and shawls.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

And if you're thinking that's not a very good 'man dressed as an egg' don't worry. Someone from Manchester will be along in a minute to say they have much better 'men dressed as eggs' than Birmingham, actually.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Birmingham having a normal one today. As I understand it, Mr Egg and the Lord Mayor are raising their standard over the Council Chamber. I had to leave for an appointment, so I'm not sure what happens next, but I imagine Prince Harry raises an army and marches from the north.

A man dressed as an egg dances to a brass band outside Birmingham Council Chamber.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

However early I start to book Christmas travel is still too late to find out there will be no direct trains to Oxford and New Street will be closed. A gazillion sweaty, angry people trying to change at Banbury on Christmas Eve sounds festive though, don't you think?

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

My brother saw this Beatles show at the Town Hall and thought it was terrible: ‘Like listening from the bottom of a swimming pool’.

Exhibition display of a ticket to see The Beatles and Roy Orbison at Birmingham Town Hall in 1963.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Increasingly Orwellian Heritage Week. (We are now in year three of Heritage Week. It has always been Heritage Week). Pipe organ in Birmingham Town Hall, much of it hidden by its case. It’s the height of two double-decker buses, has 6,000 pipes and is visible from space.

Huge Victorian pipe organ with highly decorated pipes.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

I was never on a Midland Red. They represented an enchanted world of people who lived in mysterious places like Cannock and Rugby.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

More cars inexpertly identified. I love the Rover’s Viking hood ornament.

1930s Rover with a helmeted Viking hood ornament.

1920s racing cars shaped like torpedoes.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

More veteran cars on the way home. This turns out to be an Austin A30. I was hoping it would be an A40 like the one my aunt Mame drove. She called it Lucy and in cold weather put a blanket under the bonnet to stop the engine icing up, occasionally forgetting to take it off in the morning.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Daimlers and Wolseys, a fact I only know because they have flags.

Veteran Daimler and Wolsey cars parked outside the Town Hall.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Slightly resentful of things I recall from childhood being called veteran, but aren’t they lovely? Birmingham buses were repainted royal blue and silver in 1977 for the Jubilee, which I believe marks the beginning of the end of civilisation.

Three old busses, one red, two navy and cream, in a city square.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Not a film, though. Don’t make me start a sub-section.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

[My brain] Go to sleep before midnight, you've got an early start tomorrow. [Also my brain] Begins mental list of all the things Joan Collins has been attacked by in films: radioactive ants, a psychotic Father Christmas, that time James Robertson Justice buried her in a pyramid...

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

He once re-wrote the Rite of Spring to remove all the chopping and changing time signatures. The rumour was that it was so he could extend the copyright and earn more money from it. In fact he just found his original version too difficult to conduct.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Proper back-to-school feeling today as the CBSO lunchtime concerts started up again with a Stravinsky String Quartet & Schumann String Quintet. Stravinsky, described by the first violin as: a difficult man to have a cup of tea with, he would always be changing the order of everything.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

We also watched The Black Chancellor, a Danish silent movie that played there in 1912. Princess Irene causes a diplomatic incident by wanting to marry for love. This causes many men in boots and epaulettes to burst into rooms, furiously clutching letters. Spoiler: love triumphs.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

His slogan was ‘When in Doubt, Call for Trout’, his biggest client was the Imperial Fruit Exhibition and he used to drive around Birmingham in a red and yellow car covered in question marks.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Lovely evening at *nook* gallery, formerly (1911) the Kings Heath Picture House, later the Cosy Cinema, for a talk on its history. Best character to emerge from this was Lawson Trout, 18-year-old cinema manager and legendary publicist.

Edwardian double-fronted brick house with leaded bay windows and a picket fence. Behind it, the rectangular block of the picture house.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Willy is gender-fluid. He started life as a girl until mum knitted his natty green suit. But his female alter ego, Wilhelmina, persisted in stories.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Barry is adopted. He belonged to Barry Harding who lived across the road and who *did not want him* when Mrs Harding was clearing her house, so my mum rescued him.

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Knitted Clanger @knittedclanger.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

The bears have had a wash and they’re just chilling on the draining board now. On the left is Willy, who is 58 and deaf in one ear. On the right is Barry, who is in his 70s.

Grey knitted bear in a green knitted suit. Orange fur bear in red trousers and a brown jacket.

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