Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 18/01/2026I’ve only been in Vegas for 10 minutes and I now fully understand that only American hubris could’ve created this in the middle of the god forsaken desert 0320
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 18/01/2026Clearly my pilot ticked the “maximum turbulence” button on Google maps, JetBlue said: 1221
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 18/01/2026as always if I die on my flight please ensure that recording artist Bruno Mars is bound and tossed into my grave so he is forced to serve me in the afterlife as my personal Monster Energy sommelier 0261
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 18/01/2026I’m gonna chug this entire monster right before boarding so it all hits me at once and I get scared at 30,000 feet fifteen minutes into a 5h flight 0240
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 18/01/2026wow, and to think we had come so far in equality for you to say this shameful 000
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 18/01/2026it is your god damn American right to tell the TSA agent about your foreskin 0172
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 18/01/2026dog who is having a gun battle in Chinatown in Boston right now it’s 230 in the morning give it a rest 280
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 16/01/2026lukewarm gas station lobster roll and a monster, the true CEO Breakfast® 2210
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 16/01/2026my kids are playing some pretend game and my son just said in an extremely deep voice- “I am the OWNER of this store… and you must remember the first rule as employee— if you come across a KAREN… YOU MUST NOT LET HER WIN” 1437
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 15/01/2026As I get older the more sick I think this fit becomes imagine the doorbell ringing and getting up in the middle of the night hitting them with the “whoms’t goes there??” 3221
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 12/01/2026I saw this clip and was like "ah look at that little guy! i love a little robot guy! wonder what he does..." until about 18 seconds in and then i realized i missed the text on the box behind him 4100
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 07/01/2026twitter has truly become one of the worst websites in existence, what a spectacular downfall 1280
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 07/01/2026[I’m in Stranger Things but I grew up in an abusive household] lots of normal things happening here guys what’s the big deal 0100
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 07/01/2026I can’t believe this fucking worm isn’t named Richard Scarry every single time I saw this worn I was like “ah, Richard Scarry, love that little guy” 1100
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 07/01/2026ARE YOU FUCKIJG KIDDING ME THE WORMS NAME ISN’T RICHARD SCARRY?? THEN WHO THE FUCK IS RICHARD SCARRY?? 1161
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 06/01/2026my damn kids doing the dumbass John Lennon dingus walk around the house again 0323
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 30/12/2025DID YOU KNOW? that 6-7 meme your little brother loves to say is actually based on Star(*)-6-7, the vertical service code (VSC) that when dialed blocks the recipient from seeing the number of the caller, and was used solely for pranks like asking if your refrigerator was running 0130
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 26/12/2025if you are AJ DeLuna congrats on your graduation 080
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 26/12/2025if you are Trevor or Yaya please let me know before we send your underwear off with the rest of this years donations 180
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 26/12/2025every year my family opens returned mail mystery packages, and this year turned out some real winners 2291
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 25/12/2025oh you have best friends? having a little best friendsmas with your pals? Well I’ve got a battle buddy I haven’t seen in a decade and we talk once a year and it’s like not a single day has gone by except now we also complain about our joints hurting 090
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 24/12/2025I might be allergic to lactose AND lactaid, but you bring lobster mac and cheese and I’m gonna eat that shit for sure 1220
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 24/12/2025not because I think he would taste good but because I hate him 1240
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 23/12/2025a fun prank would to get a DNA test and tell everyone how excited you are to research your genealogy and ancestors, and then instead of your own DNA you use DNA from a discarded water bottle you found in the trash and tell everyone your test results at holiday dinner 0246
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 23/12/2025you feel like a good parent until you put your 7 year old in VR and they fall straight forward flat as a board bashing into the living room floor 1150
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 19/12/2025everything ordered up to today has gone to USPS by the Christmas cutoff, it is now in their hands and may the lord be with your stickers folks 0100
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 19/12/2025is there any other bop that truly drops a suburban white Nike Air Monarch dad into a trance like "I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me)” does 260
Kendrick lobstar @klobstar.bsky.social · 18/12/2025I showed my kid YTMND and he was like “I don’t get it” 4251
