iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

I spent an hour getting ready for bed, and i don’t know I just feel like my bed has not put in any effort at all.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Instead of sleeping, I’m just f*cking around, which I guess means tomorrow I’ll find out.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

I’m quoted in this article because an emergency petition was used on my first grader with autism. Many thanks to @thebaltimorebanner.com for highlighting this issue. www.thebanner.com/education/k-...

thebanner.com

Why was a 10-year-old sedated, handcuffed and taken to the ER?

Hundreds of times a year, Maryland students are removed from school using a legal maneuver known as an emergency petition.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 15/07/2026

I drive stick, I don’t need coffee — just the open road, a stoplight, and a car behind me on a 15% incline.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

Few people realize that Yorkie-poo’s are working dogs — throughout history, they have stopped deer from jaywalking.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 12/07/2026

It’s hard to explain why I love the Baltimore accent so much. I asked a neighbor to repeat twice her comment about the “local cancel woman” before I got that it was “council woman.” The realization felt like a little gift.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

So, I take my 9yo to the zoo. I go, “The warthog is never out.” An employee says over and over, “She’s right there.” I’m like “Where?” And in the film version, the employee will be the hero and the warthog bright pink — it’ll be fun parable about reasoning with MAGA entitled “The So-called ‘Zoo.’”

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 08/07/2026

To get back to your prom dress size without ozempic, follow these simple steps: 1) have a child and 2) nine years later contract a stomach bug from that same child

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 06/07/2026

Every time the announcers for the Mexico / England game say, “It’s not the altitude — it’s the attitude.” you have to drink.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 05/07/2026

I’m not a yard sign person, but holy sh*t

“Knew it would be bad but holy shit” sign

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 01/07/2026

A woman at the Y said she’d gained 30 pounds because her insurance stopped covering ozempic… because she wasn’t diabetic anymore… because she’d lost 30 pounds on ozempic. I’m dizzy, can we stop the healthcare system? I want to get off.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 27/06/2026

One thing I’ve learned from swimming laps is that people in changing rooms speak to their belongings in the 2nd person, like “Oh no, no, no. Where are you? Please don’t tell me I left you at home. Aha! You scared me. You were trying to make me feel crazy. Okay, now what were we doing?”

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 24/06/2026

With this many targeted ads, I’m afraid I really will purchase a floral kimono.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 23/06/2026

My third grader says that the opposite of being in someone’s company is “to uncompany” and the next time I want to leave a conversation, l can just say, “sorry, I have to uncompany now.”

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 10/06/2026

The person who came up “bottle nose dolphin” was probably behind other bangers, like “humpback whale.”

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 06/06/2026

This was at the gym last week and it’s gone now and it’s at my house, isn’t it?

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 04/06/2026

In the ymca locker room, people can easily think they’re alone, which is how I discovered just how many talk to themselves.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 03/06/2026

A student sent me a Saul Bellow qoute: “A writer is a reader moved to emulation.” And I love the simplicity / complexity — i.e. “simplexity.” (?) Is that a thing?

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 31/05/2026

I happened to be staring into my dog’s eyes when “Unforgettable” by Nat King Cole came on, like “…it’s incredible that someone so unforgettable thinks that I am unforgettable, too” And now I think we’re engaged?

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 25/05/2026

In a restaurant, I heard myself say to my child in genuine frustration, “You will drink that hot chocolate or you will not watch Godzilla today.” 👀

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 24/05/2026

The word “futon” sounds like a subatomic particle in the Marvel universe.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 24/05/2026

Few people realize that eleven years is your Costco anniversary — that’s how we spent ours, and that’s love, my friends.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

I hope no one at work sees this but it’s Friday night, so f*ck it, I’m going wild and putting salt in my low sodium soup.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 20/05/2026

The secret menopause deal that only insiders know — your hair will be 50% off!

030

Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 10/05/2026

Happy Mother’s Day to those who celebrate! May you receive (or recall) the joy of an unidentifiable and possibly disintegrating craft. 💕

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 05/05/2026

Baltimore gets the assignment.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 01/05/2026

My child gives a restaurant as many stars as extra maraschino cherries he gets with his pineapple juice.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 30/04/2026

Not me pouring the oatmeal packet into the bowl, thinking, “Okay. Time to feed the human a nice bowl of human chow.”

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 30/04/2026

I wondered for years about the sign. What sign was Ace of Base singing about? Thanks to Align, I know it’s bloating and gas.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 22/04/2026

If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s (checks notes) … wait, is this right? Cheese?

030

Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 21/04/2026

Big announcement — my platform for the presidency will be devoted exclusively to the issues animals care about. People are too confusing.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 19/04/2026

“The frenemy of my frenemy is my LinkedIn contact.”

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 18/04/2026

That drug that “visibly improves the colon lining” sounds amazing— my colon will be VISIBLE?

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 18/04/2026

Does anyone know what kind of horse this is?

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 17/04/2026

It’s as if the spring plants have nothing to do all day but grow.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 15/04/2026

My third grader gazed out the airplane window and said, “You know, Mommy, some people are liars. But some are true-ers. You just don’t know.”

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 13/04/2026

Baltimore friends, I hate to say it but Austin’s Barry Glazer might be better than our Barry Glazer.

010

Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 12/04/2026

I didn’t expect the fascinations in Austin to include driverless cars — do they help keep Austin weird??

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 29/03/2026

I’ve been swimming laps on weekend mornings for years, and I’ve unlocked the secret to discipline — you have to be able to count on seeing cute babies.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 26/03/2026

If we lived in a 1970’s soap, Donald Trump would be another man’s evil twin.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 25/03/2026

Apparently, they’re saying that to catch my spring break flight, I need to get to the airport two weeks early.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 23/03/2026

I’m getting ominous emails from LOFT saying, “IT ALL ENDS TONIGHT!!!” 👀

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 20/03/2026

I just wish I had time to pour a glass of wine, curl up on the couch, and read my entire CVS receipt.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 15/03/2026

Welp, another Ides of March and somehow Orange Julius Caesar is still here. Sigh.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 13/03/2026

I love how old timey sports teams were named like Richard Scary captions — The White Sox, The Irish, The Cornhuskers, The Mud Hens

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 11/03/2026

That thing where you forget to lock your phone, and it decides to show you a recipe for Cheesy Lasagna Beans.

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Kathy Flann @keflann.bsky.social · 08/03/2026

Guess whose car clock is accurate again, you mofo’s.

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