iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 25/12/2025

The body was found dead in an apartment the FBI is claiming belonged to the *real* Santa Claus. More after these messages.

1114

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 07/05/2025

... and that sucker is Mort Crim's Chump of the Week.

051

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 23/02/2025

and that's one murder that had a happy ending.

0153

Reposted by Mort Crim

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 27/04/2024

You know who pissed me off? Dale Stern, the principal of Diana Lewis Elementary, who *permanently* cancelled pizza Fridays. Now, if pizza's not healthy, how come I've never seen a fat Italian? You, sir, are a pepperoni. And you are my CHUMP OF THE WEEK

Dale Stern, principal of Diana Lewis Elementary is pictured wearing suit, tie and glasses above the words: CHUMP OF THE WEEK

1496

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 19/01/2025

It's annual friendship day here in Detroit. That's why I brought my best friend Dave to hang out. He's a slob, but I love him. Good night, Detroit.

041

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 02/01/2025

Is what we experience real? Or is reality a computer simulation constructed by an advanced alien race? For more: our sports reporter, Jim Caputo.

030

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 01/01/2025

Good night, Detroit. For now until the sun comes up.

050

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 01/01/2025

Good night, Detroit. I'm Mort Crim, and that's all the news from the entire world.

030

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 31/12/2024

I'm Mort Crim. Which in French means death and crime.

051

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 27/12/2024

Up next: watersports and weather.

000

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 25/12/2024

The body was found dead in an apartment the FBI is claiming belonged to the *real* Santa Claus.

0143

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 24/12/2024

This week's chump is my son's best friend, Tucker. If you're coming to someone's house for a sleepover you *don't* get a nosebleed. That's all my stuff you bled on, Tucker.

050

Reposted by Mort Crim

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 06/04/2024

The honey-boy in question, Sam "the man" Duvet was confirmed to be a prostitute thanks to the following unreleased ad:

A screen capture of Sam's honey boy ad with the words TOUCHING in punk turquoise and gold above his phone # and two images of sam posing in white blazer with chain and no shirt.

042

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 17/12/2024

Between you and me, it seems like that commercial was telling old men how to sneak into a teen club.

060

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 15/12/2024

When asked what they were doing, the men said, "Mr. Groove sent us."

031

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 15/12/2024

That was the commercial that led to the shutdown of "Boom Teen Nightclub earlier today, where a swarm of middle-age men were arrested for posing as teens attempting to gain entry.

020

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 14/12/2024

A local man is in dire need of a kidney tonight and he's not telling anyone why.

081

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 14/12/2024

Folks, I won't sugarcoat it. ISIS won't stop until every last one of us is pink mist in the wind.

060

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 14/12/2024

We here at Garner Weich understand the importance of comfort in an uncomfortable world. The economy in shambles. Unemployment at and all-time high. And the chilling reality that we're living every moment in the bloodthirsty crosshairs of ISIS.

050

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 10/12/2024

Two more criminals were brutally apprehended by a masked vigilante police are calling "Nerd Batman," due to his glasses.

031

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 08/12/2024

...and so the proof turned out not to be in the pudding –but rather in the murderer's blood, and semen. We'll be back after these words.

020

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 07/12/2024

... police say there were many, many survivors.

041

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 30/11/2024

Next up... Red Wings fans have something to cheer about, as they recover two frozen bodies from the ice.

040

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 24/11/2024

Earlier today, the ghost of a pedophile was spotted haunting the old Boblo Amusement Park. Here's the interesting thing. the ghost was—get this: a woman. More after these messages.

050

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 22/11/2024

Wow! Hah, normally I don't comment on the commercials, but that was very bad.

060

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 22/11/2024

And that's one murder that had a happy ending. We'll be right back with Sports and Weather, after this...

082

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 27/04/2024

1496

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 25/04/2024

And now, moving onto the lighter side of the news: What's actually in your dog's food? The surprising answer might make you rethink eating dog food.

070

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 25/04/2024

Whoa! Was that Blade!? Blade is so freaking cool.

000

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 25/04/2024

I don't normally comment on the commercials, but that grocery store commercial makes me just a little horny.

061

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 20/04/2024

Up next, watersports and weather.

000

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 20/04/2024

This week's chump is my son's best friend Tucker. If you're coming to someone's house for a sleepover, you don't get a nosebleed. That's all my stuff you bled on, Tucker.

020

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 18/04/2024

Between you and me, it seems like that commercial was telling old men how to sneak into a teen club.

000

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 18/04/2024

When asked what they were doing, the men said, "Mr. Groove sent us."

000

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 18/04/2024

That was the commercial that led to the shutdown of Boom Teen Nightclub earlier today, where a swarm of middle-age men were arrested for posing as teens attempting to gain entry.

000

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 17/04/2024

But first, a different story.

000

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 17/04/2024

A local man is in dire need of a kidney tonight... and he's not telling anyone why.

041

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 17/04/2024

...and so the proof turned out not to be in the pudding, but rather in the murderer's blood, and semen. We'll be back after these words.

030

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 13/04/2024

... and that sucker is Mort Crim's Chump of the Week. Good night, Detroit.

010

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 13/04/2024

Tonight, dangerous lunatics are scattered around the city of Detroit... hah! but what else is new, right?

100

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 13/04/2024

And while the cats were away, the mice escaped, as shown in this security footage:

Image of Big Hank Cramblin on the hospital monitor, footage being broadcast on the TV at the Temple Bar

000

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 13/04/2024

Guards at the Wayne County Insane Asylum went on strike this morning after their paychecks bounced.

100

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 12/04/2024

The body was found dead in an apartment the FBI is claiming belonged to the real Santa Claus.

010

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 11/04/2024

Dead people hair. So great. Very, very funny.

020

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 11/04/2024

Tanya, I have to ask you, are you wearing a wig?

010

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 10/04/2024

We go live to consumer watchdog Tanya Stark, who went down to the morgue today to check the heads and found many to be missing their hair. Tanya?

010

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 10/04/2024

In business news, local store Devereux Wigs was shut down after it was discovered they were using dead people hair in their wigs.

000

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 10/04/2024

... police say there were many, many survivors.

021

Mort Crim @justforcrims.bsky.social · 06/04/2024

Next up, Red Wings fans have something to cheer about, as they recover two frozen bodies from the ice.

020