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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 1h

"Cumming in your pants doesn’t count as a sexual adventure!" "I beg to differ." (Eric) -GoldenEye

Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

"You are trying to get me to believe that James Bond, 007, is drinking piss-water Heineken? I do not think so." -GoldenEye

Daniel Craig as James Bond drinking Heineken

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

"BDE on Ted Bundy." (Steve) "Is that confirmed? Did we find that out in the autopsy?" (Eric) "I don’t know if autopsies are necessarily measuring penises. Unless it’s crucial to the case, I guess." -Scream 4

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

"Remember when everyone shit their pants with that casting? Pants were shit!" -On Daniel Craig being cast as Bond; GoldenEye

Daniel Craig as James Bond in Casino Royale

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

"Man, a missed opportunity for Bob Hoskins - he could have returned as Dr. Mario!" -GoldenEye

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

"Every time you got a new system, you always had the ‘regret game.’ Like when I got my XBox, it came with Forza Racing - I’m like, ‘What am I going to do with this? Nothing? Okay, I can put a fucking coffee cup on it.’" -Gods of Egypt

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

"Geoffrey Rush in this movie looks like a cross between a character in Jupiter Ascending and an extra in Nothing But Trouble - this thing is DISGUSTING." -Gods of Egypt

Geoffrey Rush as some CGI nightmare in Gods of Egypt

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

"You know what you can do with some gifts? Throw ‘em in the garbage." -Gods of Egypt

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

"Tell me he doesn’t kill the Fat Boys!" (Eric) "No, I think they just run out of the house scared. ‘Twas diabetes that got the Fat Boys." -Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare

The cover for the Fat Boys' single, "Are You Ready for Freddy"

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

"Ed Burns does these movies so he can finance his uninteresting romantic, stunted growth male adult movies." "Because there needs to be more movies about white Irish people being kind of timid." (Chris) -Alex Cross

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

"Oh man, this script was so bad, I’ve seen better scripts at a doctor’s office." (Eric) "Oh my God, where did you get that golf club and shitty jacket from?!" -Mile 22

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

"There’s one shot of Jim Belushi being a fat idiot in this store." "Well, there’s a lot of shots of that." (Eric) -Retroactive

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

"Apparently, if IMDB is to be believed, Eric Roberts not only provided his own Hawaiian shirts for this role, but was also coming to set with pre-made cocktails ready to go. God-tier shit right there." -Once in a Lifetime - Stalked By My Doctor: Patient's Revenge

Eric Roberts in one of the Stalked By My Doctor movies, wearing a Hawaiian vacation outfit and drinking a tropical drink from a straw

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

"It’s like if the two mice in The Rescuers start talking about the miscarriage they had." (Chris) "Hey, the ‘micecarriage’! Eric jokes!" -The Karate Kid (live)

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

"I ate at that Uncle Moe’s - they know me by name." (Steve) "‘Hey, it’s that fat guy again!’" "‘It’s beloved vagrant Steve Sajdak!’" (Justin) -The Happening

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

"I would rather have a mutant freak lady chase me through a basement than deal with a herd of rats, dude. And look, at least I’m getting to see some titties while that’s happening!" -Barbarian

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

"If we play that same theater in Detroit, I hope that Boomer audio engineer has since shuffled off his mortal coil." "Can you believe it, folks at home, that someone would not like us?" (Eric) -Barbarian

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

"This is the drunkest Stan Lee ever was creating something - ‘Yeah, she’s…invisible, and she’s got, uh, a big force field to throw at people?’" -Fantastic Four (2005)

Jessica Alba as Sue Storm in Fantastic Four

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

"90% of this movie is them just doing experiments and figuring out their powers, and then they fight Dr. Doom in an intersection for 5 minutes. Credits." -Fantastic Four (2005)

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

"Can you guys tell me: What is the actual definition of ‘edgelord’?" "It’s a dude who is trying to be edgy to impress people." (Steve) "That’s what I figured, but I didn’t know if edging was also involved." -Life Itself

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

"Oh, it’s actually pronounced ‘Holian.’" (Eric) "Why are you making fun of the Welsh?! It’s not his fault!" "I’m not. I just hate names." (Eric) "‘Szyszka’ with TWO silent Zs dancing around in there!" -On Ioan Gruffudd; Fantastic Four (2005)

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

"People are racist against cartoons there." (Steve) "Oh yeah - we’re fucking cartoons, and we’re racist against cartoons." -On life in Toontown; Loverboy

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

"I think he’s played Mater more times than he’s played a character named ‘Larry.’" "Well, no, every day he wakes up and plays a character named ‘Larry.’" (Steve) -Loverboy

Larry the Cable Guy pointing at the camera

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

"My A/S/L now is just ‘Yes/Yes/Yes.’" (Eric) "You are an internet predator." -The Net

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

"If you’re Karate’s Bad Boy, Mike Barnes, and you’re busting balls through this tournament to get to the final, and Daniel’s just sitting there eating fucking burritos on the bench?" -On Daniel receiving an automatic bye to the finals in The Karate Kid Part III

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

"Steve’s gonna be shot down in the street?" <simultaneous> "Hey, Sajdak!" (Eric and Chris) "Oh my God! Totally unrehearsed! It’s nice to know we have similar visions of what would transpire if Steve was assassinated in the street." -Buried Alive

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

"'Eat shit' is an underrated insult to throw at somebody, because the comeback to ‘eat shit’ is VERY difficult. When I was growing up, my mom would tell people to eat shit all the time." -Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

"So Stan Lee saw a blind guy and was like, ‘That’s what I want my comic book to be about!’" (Steve) "He saw a blind guy almost get hit by a bus and he’s like, ‘I don’t know how those guys walk down the street. What a daredevil! SAYYYY!’" -Daredevil

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

"I get it, Ralph Macchio, and I don’t need her to blow you at a Pizza Hut, but I just need this to not be neutered garbage." "You’re not doing Nymphomaniac, you’re doing Karate Kid III!" (Steve) -The Karate Kid Part III

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

"It’s a powertail. It’s an ‘80s powertail." (Eric) "It’s not that Terry Silver is great at business, it’s this powertail. One ring to rule them all? One tail to rule all of the Valley." -The Karate Kid Part III

Thomas Ian Griffith in The Karate Kid Part III, with an awesome greasy ponytail

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

"He’s a known pervert." (Eric) "Dude, he’s an old man at the mall! Of course he is - why do you think old people are at the mall?!" -Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Donald Sutherland and Kristy Swanson in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

"101 Dalmatians, by the way? Those are some fucking Catholic dogs!" -Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

"James Bond probably has the STD version of Three Stooges Syndrome." -Never Say Never Again

The "Three Stooges Syndrome" model with a bunch of diseases trying to go through a small door in The Simpsons

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 24/08/2026

"Put the clock on Ian Holm the second you see him in this movie. Little Hobbity son of a bitch." -The Day After Tomorrow

Ian Holm in The Day After Tomorrow wearing a hat and glasses

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 21/08/2026

"He flunks math because he refuses to show his work, and that bothered me a lot." (Steve) "Because you were one of those people who were desperately trying to cling to any kind of passing math grade?" -The Day After Tomorrow

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

"In 1991, there were six polo magazines." (Chris) "Wait, are we talking about the shirt or the sport?" (Eric) "Who needs six magazines about a shirt?!" -Aspen Extreme

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

"They had so many endings in Mortal Kombat - wasn’t one of them Bestiality?" (Eric) "That was Animality. Scorpion wasn’t sucking off a goat." "Wait, did he win or did he lose?" (Eric) "With that move, everyone’s a loser." -Superman IV (Redux)

static.klipy.com

Mortal Kombat 1: Kenshi's Wolf Animality

ALT: Mortal Kombat 1: Kenshi's Wolf Animality

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 18/08/2026

"Keep that in mind, folks: whenever you’re doing anything, a ghost is checking you out." (Eric) "Your grandmother knows what your dick looks like." -Ghosts Can't Do It

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

"If I could build a castle for myself, I’d call it Castle Wolfenstein." (Steve) "Oh man, you can’t do that, because everybody who passes by would be like, ‘Old man Sajdak up there, that fucking racist.’" -Citizen Kane

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 14/08/2026

"Yes, I know that this Whopper is just lunch cake - thank you very much. I will have it my way!" -Speed (live)

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 13/08/2026

"Just dump the whole fucking box in the garbage." (Steve) "You can get the FUCK out of here. I’ll get like nine of them in my mouth at the movie theater, just a big ol’ ball of Mike and Ike’s. Chewing that shit like a camel, spitting all over the floor." -S1m0ne

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

"I couldn’t remember the last time I actually heard Fred Durst musically, so that made me go, ‘Oh, yeah, I remember this guy!’ And then it immediately devolved into, ‘Oh, right, this is terrible.’" -KornKast

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 11/08/2026

"By the end of this whole long story, the Weasleys actually are down a kid, so God kind of balances the universe out a bit." -Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stonementary

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 10/08/2026

"My theory about Tosche Station is that when you say you’re going there to check out ‘power converters,’ it’s really just space prostitutes." "I thought it was code for whippets in the parking lot." (Eric) -The Amazing Spider-Man

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 10/08/2026

"I feel like the ads were like, ‘Film Vancouver: We’ll Even Suck Ya Off While You’re Here!’" "See, this is a problem, because American towns can’t compete - they can’t suck fast enough." (Eric) -A History of Violence

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 07/08/2026

"The Pee Pee Police got my brother one time on a public urination charge. Now he’s a cop, so do the math." -Turner and Hooch

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 06/08/2026

"Marion refers to this monkey as ‘the child’ she has with Indiana Jones. And I was like, I would prefer this Nazi monkey to Shia LaBeouf." -Raiders of the Lost Ark

Karen Allen holding a monkey on her shoulder in Raiders of the Lost Ark

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

"I’m almost as much of an archeologist as Indiana Jones is." (Chris) "You know what, Cabin? I’ve seen how you live. I know what schooling you have." -Raiders of the Lost Ark

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 04/08/2026

"You cannot smoke in a Quizno’s - believe me, I’ve tried." -The Rock (live)

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Jupin's Gems @jupinsgems.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

"We start with a war commercial, a commercial for war." (Steve) "‘NFL Monday Night Football is brought to you by...war.’ Actually, that’s kinda what it is now." -The Rock (live)

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