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Jones Bahadur Black

@jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social
2.1K followers 1.4K following 657 posts

Author of the literary thriller, "Her Hundred Hands." 💙 I publish more nonfiction under my non-Resistance name: Several books, and articles for The Atlantic, The New Yorker, and similar outlets. If that's your vibe, you may have read some of them.

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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 1h
Suggested press question: 🔷"Sir, your buttocks have been noticeably larger and more box-like in recent months. Can you please explain these changes to the presidential keister?"
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 2h
He's not fooling anyone but himself. And all that pent-up frustration and self-hate is just getting channeled into wars, vendettas, and absurd vanity projects. Think of how much better off we'd all be if he just went for it.
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Jonah Blank @jonahblank.bsky.social · 5h
There are only two interpretations of what JD is saying: A) 1st or 2nd generation immigrants (AES was born in Michigan) are still on probation: You're not a "real" American until (unspecified number of) generations. B) Brown-skinned Americans are ALWAYS on probation, and never "real" citizens.
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Jonah Blank @jonahblank.bsky.social · 3h
New units of measurement: ♦️10 days = 1 Scaramucci. ♦️5 days = 1 Zacharia = 1 Semiscaramucci. ♦️2.5 days = 1 Semizacharia = 1 Demisemiscaramucci. ♦️1 day, 6 hours = 1 Demisemizacharia = 1 Hemidemisemiscaramucci. For larger units of measurement: ♦️1 Truss = 4.9 Scaramuccis = 78.4 Hemidemisemizacharias...
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 4h
If you're looking at "bestiality videos all day"... ...You probably ALREADY think animals are way too attractive.
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ebisback.bsky.social @ebisback.bsky.social · 10h
The New Barbie's are out! 🙄🤮
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 22h
As I tell my Labrador, whenever she barks at the mailman: 🔷It's not your job to be a guard-dog. It's just your job to be cute.
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 22h
News You Can Use.™
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 22h
I only indulge when my kids aren't in the house. Today, an expected sleepover got cancelled. 🔷If I get Alzheimers, I know who to blame.
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 23h
Gaetz being Gaetz: 🔷Surprised they're graduates.
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 15/10/2026
Five thousand years of just holding it all in.
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 15/10/2026
Depends what legal "services" he's providing...
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 15/10/2026
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Jonah Blank @jonahblank.bsky.social · 15/10/2026
I realize that nobody who reads my posts needs to be told this, but: ♦️This is not actually happening.
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Jonah Blank @jonahblank.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
I can clear that up for you, Sir: ♦️The Mar-a-Lago raid was intended to find Top Secret documents which you'd stolen. And found them. ♦️Your raid on Ilhan Omar's house allegedly looked for fictional evidence of a fictional offense committed by someone else when she was 12. And found nothing.
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
Don't forget the hard-bitten blackjack dealers, the hookers with hearts of gold, and the toughs who drag no-good card-sharps out into the back alley and give them beating they'll never forget. With Trump, everybody in the world is just an extra from a 1980s movie.
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
What's she going to reveal? 🔷That Don Jr repeatedly had sex with a lunatic? ...And that Trump then made that lunatic an ambassador?
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Jonah Blank @jonahblank.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
But please, Centrist Pundits: ♦️Do continue berating us for seeing these guys as morons.
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Jonah Blank @jonahblank.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
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The Bulwark @thebulwark.com · 14/10/2026
Sen. Ossoff: "Congress is full of congressmen's sons who are only in Congress because their daddies were congressmen, just like Mike Collins, who are perfectly happy to send other people's children to die in a war. How is this war a success, Mike?"
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Kravenspice @kravenspice.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
🎈 Somebody had to say it. 🎈
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
If only she had the power to do something about it... (She could have imposed sanctions. She decided not to).
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Xela Hart @xelahart.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
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Jonah Blank @jonahblank.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
"Trump is the most family-friendly president we've ever had." Well, maybe not "friendly" in the sense of "Often appears in the same room with his wife, and forgoes golf to attend his kids' weddings." But definitely in the sense of "Has enabled his family to score billions in super-shady profits."
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LindaFly @lindafly.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
Counterpoint: 🔷If this judge weren't f*cking around, she'd have issued contempt sanctions the first time the Administration treated her rulings with contempt. She's Charlie Brown, hoping that THIS time Lucy holds the football still.
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
Dude, just go for it already. Your horned-up frustration comes out in so many awful ways: -Hateful attacks on women, trans folks, anyone you feel you can dominate. -Dumb dick-measuring against Biden, Obama, every dude on earth. -Weird come-ons, like this ⬇️ one. Just go for it. You'll feel better.
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Digital Brain @yourdigitalbrain.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
A double maze copper lock from China's Qin and Han dynasties, over 2,000 years old, guarded dowry chests and temple doors with a branching path only one key could solve.
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🌊🏄BlueWaveSurfer🏄🌊 @bluewavesurfer.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
Too on-the-nose: -Accused gang-rapist wants everybody gagged.
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Troy Jackson @troyjackson207.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
On Indigenous Peoples’ Day, I want to say something plainly...
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
The last thing you see, before waking up manacled in a basement dungeon.
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Raider @iwillnotbesilenced.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
Fear is a tactic of the weak. Our strength is in our empathy, conscience, and shared humanity. The institution took those officers' souls; we’re here to take back our power.
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Jonah Blank @jonahblank.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
This is just sad: ♦️She couldn't score access to...Eric.
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Digital Brain @yourdigitalbrain.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
The tail starts wagging before the bus even stops. For dogs, the school bus arrival is the highlight of the day, pure joy at seeing their favorite human again.
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
Not likely: 🔷He can't stop talking long enough.
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Digital Brain @yourdigitalbrain.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
This horse genuinely syncs its moves to the music, no training involved
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
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Jonah Blank @jonahblank.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
By ignoring the advice of David Brooks, Ossoff jeopardizes the support of nearly a dozen potential voters.
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
My self-esteem did not benefit from the math here. But math doesn't lie:
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
Point: -There are too many aw-bait posts about cute animals. Counterpoint:
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Chris Alexander @chrisa327.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
His redline for the acceptable number of Palestinians killed is hypothetical. But we know it's greater than 74,000.
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
A two-person conversation, in which far-right wackadoodle Jack Posobiec looks like the more reasonable guy.
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Dude, you don't need a ring to make sure NO woman goes near you...
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Jonah Blank @jonahblank.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
How can he drift to sleep with a living Spirit Halloween display looming behind him? (Don't feel bad for her: She and her hubby have $260 BILLION. Which could certainly have paid for somebody to advise her against all that cosmetic surgery).
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darren32359.bsky.social @darren32359.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Damn! Can't find my vibrator.
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Jones Bahadur Black @jonesbahadurblack.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Ten service-members (presumably enlisted) ALL display greater courage than their uniformed or civilian leaders: 🔷Not one of them intentionally slows his pace to avoid embarrassing the Secretary of Defense.
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Jonah Blank @jonahblank.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
MAGA supporters often get angry at people in the US speaking a language other than English. This one didn't get the memo. Perhaps the message he emblazoned on his car (Tesla-- natch) is written in 'Murcan? (photo cite: Oct 5 rally in Nebraska) www.theatlantic.com/politics/202...)
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