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John Pontoon, dissident revenant

@johnpontoon.bsky.social
2.8K followers 153 following 23K posts

I once sang, “From where I stand you look like ants / and there’s an aardvark in my pants.” It wasn’t literally true at the time. I don't have anything to sell you... except hope! Ha ha jk. Now undead! I used to be talented: soundcloud.com/johnpontoon

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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 2h
The next POTUS should clear Mar-a-Lago at gunpoint in the dead of night and raze it.
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 2h
static.klipy.com
Yankees Lose Da Yankees Lose
Alt: Yankees Lose Da Yankees Lose
020
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 2h
Clemens’s statutory rape is absolutely and unironically the thing that qualified him in Trump’s mind. Trump values being a piece of shit in others.
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 3h
I’m Greek-American and this shitstain should keep my ancestors out of his lying fucking lips. Trump’s little eromenos, minus the warrior part.
000
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 3h
He thought it was SO cool when Kevin Costner did it in Silverado that he just had to try it.
000
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 3h
alt theory: they all gargle with piss and in their veins instead of blood is piss and when they piss what comes out is the concept of cowardice. it makes a squeaking noise.
000
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 3h
also, re Willie Nelson
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 3h
I like it okay, but…
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 3h
ha ha you didn’t know that the plural of protest had an s at the end, wotta rube!
000
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 3h
Are you thinking what I’m thinking? (dildo cross-sections)
000
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 3h
In EVERY MLB clubhouse, there’s a sign saying that off you gamble on baseball games, you will be banned for life.
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Reposted by John Pontoon, dissident revenant
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Is this anything?
Amerous writes: When the dick went from her ass to her mouth, my clit shrink 3 sizes.

Anyholeworks replies: What are you, the fucking Grinch?
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 4h
Bro, it’s not nice to make fun of people’s crazy fucked-up faces that look like they got squeezed in a vise. Try to be more kind to those wet-concrete-sculpted freaks.
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Reposted by John Pontoon, dissident revenant
Cameron 🇺🇸🗽🦅 @cameroncorduroy.bsky.social · 5h
the Vice President of the United States has gone on record citing this man as one of his biggest intellectual influences if you didn't know this, it's probably because for some reason literally no mainstream political media outlets think it's worth mentioning
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 5h
grimaas
010
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 5h
Holy hell, I can use this every time I pawn one of my balls to my local Aldi.
010
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 6h
trick question, it’s the same guy, isn’t it?
000
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 6h
there’s a name for that, it’s called a glorylactic
010
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 8h
I have to give GrubHub props, the little confetti-throw graphic when you pass the “no fees” order amount really is motivating.
000
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 8h
people are the frigging best, they find a way!
000
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 8h
(looks up) doggie dope is a thing now!
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 10h
pick a fucking struggle, pal!
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Reposted by John Pontoon, dissident revenant
Sam “The Great Pumpkin” Thielman @samthielman.com · 11h
sorry to report that this man is like half a dozen kinds of hero apparently entirely by accident
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 10h
Hahaha this asshole had to scribble an S over the A on all of his business cards!
000
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 10h
just because bombing Iran didn’t work the first eight times we did this, doesn’t mean it won’t work if we try REALLY HARD to target the Iranian wizards who are making oil prices be high by some impossible to understand means.
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 10h
you’re only saying that because you’ve seen him
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 11h
jerking off motion emoji
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 11h
Yeah, my favorite for this was David Simon. He literally would never talk about Palestine without invoking “the history of the Levant.”
020
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 11h
Surely you’ve been called Canadian before?
020
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 11h
fence with hole
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 11h
If I were a physically inferior public figure, I would simply not do any public relations where I’m constantly showing off my inabilities. But Pete is just built different (badly.)
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 11h
okay, well, now I’m gonna ghost him
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 11h
I told you I wasn’t buying it. Clearly I am representative of everyone.
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 11h
big chance to find out if it’s pronounced “boof” or “boyf.”
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 11h
“post-urban”?
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 11h
for a split second I thought they were really white tattoos
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 11h
The Shrext was educational in content! This is always the case, is how I know.
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 11h
his name is a portmanteau of devoid and nads
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 12h
That’s a splendid cover.
000
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 12h
Legally speaking, chickens come first.
000
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 12h
“The President of Europe talked to me and said if Kamala Biden was President, unleaded would be $26 a gallon, then the President of Oil said they’re afraid of Trump’s strength and they’re very sorry.”
000
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 13h
Aw you go to hell! It’s been my lifelong dream to shoot at an empty corridor, but putting that corridor in SPACE? Oh baby.
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 13h
That’s the title of the new book by Umberto Eco
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 13h
Bruh, your household just misses the toilet too damn much.
000
John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 14h
Woof, knocking it outta of the park with his delivery and charisma here. And the ideas! Start polishing up his POTUS name plate now.
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 14h
Democrats ought to outvote Republicans 40-to-1 too!
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 14h
Look at those assholes over there. Ordinary fucking people, I hate ‘em.
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 14h
Appreciated! Seemed like too multi-purpose to just look up.
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 14h
Thanks!
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John Pontoon, dissident revenant @johnpontoon.bsky.social · 14h
what does IE mean in this context?
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