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John Mendelssohn (you / your)

@johnmendelssohn.bsky.social
340 followers 587 following 678 posts

I am a two-time winner of the Pulitzer Prize for Sarcasm.I reside on the southwestern tip of London, where I compose songs, take long walks along the Thames, and write six essays every week for johnmendelssohn.substack.com, to which please subscribe.

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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 13h
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/the-donald...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
The Donald G. Trump Caucus of Political and/ or Military Strongmen
ALIHOM News can now report that the week before the recent visit to Washington o Chinese president Xi Jinping American president Donald G.
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/two-tunes-... Alliteration? You've come to the right place, neighbor. Sing along!
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Two Tunes for Terrifying Times
Lord Testosterone
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/with-whom-...
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
I listened to Pretty in Pink yesterday while walking up to Norbiton, and thought to myself that it might be the greatest thing ever, though I have found the singer to be either too fond of ciggies or a little standoffish. johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/poorly-wri...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Poorly Written Songs I Love
I don’t know if I’ve got a love for melody in my DNA, but I do know that I’ve been a sucker for a tune since my first extended exposure to music, when Mommy and Daddy, the two least musical parents in...
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/so-youre-a...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
So You’re a Patriot Who Wants to Work for ICE
The first step is a physical examination .
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
You can take the rock critic out of the boy, but you can't take the, uh...Sorry, I got all gangled up in that. johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/i-see-and-...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
I See and Hear the Whore Nets in T-Town!
I witnessed a live musical performance Saturday night, at The Hogarth in Teddington, by the West London-based Hornets, to whom we’ll return after an orgy of divergence, by which I do not mean diversit...
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
I don't much cotton to Republicans, but they have enough on their minds without having to fret about 2028. Reading this will make you a better person, and a much in-demand guest at dinner parties. johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/if-little-...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
If Little Marco and Jadie Falter...
All right.
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Subscribing to my podcasts will make you a more attractive, more self-assured person within a week, or your money back! Don't ask me to believe you've received a better offer today. johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/coming-soo...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Coming Soon to Gaza: The Donald G. Trump and Our Lord and Savior Hotel
Politics, popular culture, sports, self-help, self-sabotage, and satire from the greatest writer in the English language, or at least someone whose work you're likely to enjoy.
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I don't often attempt poetry, but when I do, the outcome is rarely felicitous. johnmendelssohn.substack.com/.../some-lin....
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Very often, MY COUNTRY 'TIS OF THEE is about how radical leftists are trying to prevent the re-greatening of America. Today's episode, though, is about Cal's and Thumbelina's enduring adoration of each other, and is very heart-warming johnmendelssohn.substack.com/publish/post...
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/nice-littl...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Nice Little Performing Arts Center You Got Here...
A Legend In His Own Minefield and the two hilarious podcasts it hosts wants you to become a paid subscriber, or at least to restack like restacking’s going out of style.
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/cal-rejoin...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Cal Rejoins the Ranks of the Un-Unemployed
And this month’s job report looks just that much better for it!
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
There are those TDS sufferers who persist in calling him a racist, and others who call him a misogynist. But no one better call him jejune. NO ONE!
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Let us bear in mind that Mr. Trump is by no means the first great Republican leader to be hounded mercilessly by radical leftist press. johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/stick-it-o...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Stick It Out, Dick!
Remembering Richard Nixon, who, like President Trump, was SO not corrupt, not even a little
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Where are you going to spend your $5k Republic Victory confront in today's life-affirmingly hilarious edition of MY COUNTRY 'TIS OF THEE, eagerly awaiting you at johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/decent-whi...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Decent White Christian Couple Decides Where to Spend Their $5K Republican Victory Dividend At
It’s Thum’s understanding that grocery prices are due to decrease by 600 percent!
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Today’s JOHNNY ON THE SPOT will give you so much pleasure that you’ll probably forget all else, and your loved oneq and colleagues at work will cease to regard you as trustworthy. But will you care, even in the slightest? You will not! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/the-greate...
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
substack.com/home/post/p-... My rewrite of the National Anthem is going to give you endless hours of intense pleasure. Beware addiction, for which I will accept no responsibility whatever!
substack.com
I Have Rewritten the National Anthem, and None Can Say I Haven’t
© by John Mendelsohn [legal spelling] 2026.
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/he-will-al... You probably didn't know about the for-high-rollers-only Tribute to Dolly at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts Restored by Donald G Trump last week. Well, you know now!
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
He Will Always Love...Us: The Secret White House Tribute to Dolly Parton
All right.
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
We continue to celebrate President Trump's very heroic 9/11 heroism. We will be celebrating until our hearts cease to beat! In the words of Crowded House , we will not let them (the haters) win! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/president-...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
President Trump’s 9/11 Heroism, At Long Last Verified Beyond Doubt!
Two days late, and $40.1 trillion short, but that’s Biden’s fault, as what is not?
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/stand-up-f... Don't dare to call yourself a Murkan patriot if you neglect to read this, and then to encourage everyone you've ever met to read it too!
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Stand Up for America! Demand to See Your Olive Garden Server’s Green Card
Politics, popular culture, sports, self-help, self-sabotage, and satire from the greatest writer in the English language, or at least someone whose work you're likely to enjoy.
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
If you don't ask to see your dark-complected server's or busboy's or parking valet's or swimming pool cleaner's or asbestos remover's green card, you're impeding America's re-greatening, and ought to be ashamed of yourself! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/publish/post...
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
We’ve never before been privileged to have a Secretary of War Crimes who can do with a skateboard what Secretary Hegseth can! It took President Trump to recruit a person of Secretary Hegseth’s incomparable manliness and brilliance! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/hes-been-a...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
He’s Been a Great Secretary of War Crimes. He’ll Be an Even Greater President!
No Cabinet member has ever been able to do with a skateboard what Petey can!
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
You will be relieved to learn that I have glimpsed the future of our great (maybe even sacred!) American economy. Read this, my dear, and be heartened! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/detention-...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Detention Will Save the American Economy
The latest edition of the JOHNNY ON THE SPOT podcast!
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
If you don’t recognize “Tala-CREEP-o” as a coinage of Oscar Wilde-level wit, it can be only because you are suffering from “Trump Derangement Syndrome:” Get help! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/only-low-i...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Only Low-IQ Marxists Believe President Trump Ain’t Terrific at Defamatory Nicknames No More!
Ron DeSanctimonious was nonsensical, but no less glorious for it!
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Secretaries Bessent and Hegseth are both great, great American patriots, of course, but I believe Scotty is actually the greater! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/never-mind...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Never Mind the Glasses. Secretary Bessent Is Twice the Man Secretary Hegseth Is
Admittedly, they’re both men’s men.
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
You probably didn't know that a Major Producer is planning a biopic of Karoline Leavitt. It's a good thing you're a regular listener to JOHNNY ON THE SPOT, the podcast that saved America! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/who-will-p...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Who Will Play Karoline — Kidman or Harp?
Don’t leave him, Natalie! He needs you, as we need him!
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
There's a special place in Hell, or in one of ICE's new detention centers, for whoever wrote this very, very unfair song about President Trump! But this sort of smartalecry is nothing new! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/disrespect...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Disrespectful Songs About Great Men
None greater or more disrespected than President Donald G Trump!
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
There's a special place in Hell, or in one of ICE's new detention centers, for whoever wrote this very, very unfair song about President Trump! But this sort of smartalecry is nothing new! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/disrespect...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Disrespectful Songs About Great Men
None greater or more disrespected than President Donald G Trump!
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/how-many-p... Kristin Welker is an enemy of the people. Do NOT let her destroy our sacred American way of life, Do NOT!
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
How Many Polls Does It Take to Dishearten a President Who Always Has Democracy’s Back?
There’s nothing funny about the radical left’s treatment of Mr. Trump!
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Cal and Thumbelina ride again! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/more-expen...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
More Expensive Toilet Paper Is a Bridge Too Far!
Do the Canadians really think President Trump will tolerate this?
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Many people wrongly believe President Trump to be a misogynistic so-and-so. Well, he is no more a misogynist than a racist, for your information, haters! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/women-have...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Women Have Never Had a Better Friend Than President Donald G. Trump
Reports of his unattenuated misogyny have been greatly exaggerated!
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Is election interference really such a bad thing if it enables President Trump to continue restoring America's greatness? johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/lets-hope-...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Let’s HOPE President Trump Interferes!
If it means saving our sacred American way of life, I say, “Do it, sir!
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/publish/post... This is by far the greatest thing ever. Greater than aioli. Greater than antibiotics. Greater than all that came before, and all that will come after. And you, in. on. your high horse in your ivory tower, persist in your non-fandom. There are no words.
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Puddle Leavitt, Puddle Bondi, Puddle Noem
Murka’s decent-est, whitest couple have come up with a wonderful idea for President Trump, who’s as good as renaming things as he is at choosing flagpolesl
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
The Podcast That Saved America considers the Canadian question. johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/were-suppo...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
We’re Supposed to Let a Country That Can’t Pronounce “About” Win the Trade War?
Guess again, Canucks!
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Did you know that Hakeem Jeffries was named after the NBA star Hakeem Olajuwon. Well, he wasn't. And neither were you. johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/hakeem-and...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Hakeem and Jerry Sittin’ in a Tree...
This your not being a paid subscriber?
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Did you know that Hakeem Jeffries was named after the NBA star Hakeem Olajuwon. Well, he wasn't. And neither were you. johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/hakeem-and...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Hakeem and Jerry Sittin’ in a Tree...
This your not being a paid subscriber?
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/can-blue-m... Dance to the rhythmic stylings of the Brixton Martyrs Blues Brigade, and this new song, the lyrics of which I wrote on airplanes in July.
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/hows-this-...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
How’s This for a Deal, Universe?
Act now, while supplies last!
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
Another installment of The Podcast That Saved America. No real patriot would even dream of not reading it, and then becoming a paid subscriber! johnmendels sohn.substack.com/p/many-americans-dont-know-theres-a
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
kinkfolk.substack.com/p/the-song-o... I thought of Toni as the Dolly Parton of BDSM.
kinkfolk.substack.com
The Song of Antoinette
Here’s a song I wrote for my friend Mistress Antoinette in around 1998.
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/michael-d-... The podcast that saved America, now in its second side-splitting day!
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
The podcast that saved America! johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/the-podcas...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
The Podcast That Saved America!
Steven Cheung be ugly
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
You didn't honestly imagine Cal and Thumbelina weren't going to consider Natalie Harp, did you? johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/cal-and-th...
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
Wonderful news for podcast enthusiasts, and who isn't these days? Cal and Thumbelina Downlode of Continence, Oklahoma, provide a much-needed white Christian perspective on political and others goings-on in our great country. bit.ly/4xe8cQE
bit.ly
Todd Blanche's Sexy Scowl
My Country 'Tis of Thee · Episode
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/a-canine-v... If you're a pet-lover — and who is not these days? — you're going to want to send me a beautiful, fragrant bouquet after reading this.
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
A Canine View of Speciesism
Like anyone else’s.
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
This talented foursome from St. Louis has reawakened my appreciation for what was once called "hard rock". johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/is-the-ban...
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Is The Band Feel the New Black Oak Arkansas?
You have probably noticed that there are lots of new 1970s revival hard rock bands on Facebook.
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/music-for-... Many of thousands of pain subscribers pointed out that it might have been nice yesterday if I'd managed to include the actual audio. Cognitive decline, folks. It ain't purty.
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Music for a Difficult Time
"I'm Still Not Over You ", Featuring the Breamwater Gardens Philharmonic Orchestra
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/music-for-... Many of thousands of pain subscribers pointed out that it might have been nice yesterday if I'd managed to include the actual audio. Cognitive decline, folks. It ain't purty.
johnmendelssohn.substack.com
Music for a Difficult Time
"I'm Still Not Over You ", Featuring the Breamwater Gardens Philharmonic Orchestra
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John Mendelssohn (you / your) @johnmendelssohn.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
@bdsm.fetgen.ai
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