A 🧵in verse about Dennis Hastert
I wrote "The Ballad of Dennis Hastert" when his abuse scandal broke. I offer it one last time as a fitting epitaph:
Dennis Hastert, known as Denny,
Rose from humble coach to Speaker.
Few but Denny knew that when he
Was a coach his flesh was weaker.
(1/4)
![“The Trump Iran Press Conference Rag”
By Joe Keenan (with apologies To Kander & Ebb)
[PART ONE]
PRESS:
Where’d the war start?
TRUMP:
Mar-a-Lago.
PRESS:
Who began it?
TRUMP:
Netanyahu.
PRESS:
Why’d you join him?
TRUMP:
Blame Maduro.
I assumed that war was hell
Till Venezuela went so well.
PRESS:
How’s it going?
TRUMP:
Very smoothly!
PRESS:
And the girls school?
TRUMP:
Whoops-a-daisy!
PRESS:
And our own dead?
TRUMP:
Kinda sad, but
When the bugle’s playing “Taps”
I always wear my nicest caps.
LINDSEY GRAHAM (in drag):
Coffins to salute—even on golf days! Oh, you poor, poor dear.
PRESS:
What’s the goal here?
TRUMP:
Peace and safety.
PRESS:
And regime change?
TRUMP:
That was Tuesday.
PRESS:
But the main one?
TRUMP:
Jeffrey Epstein!
He’s what I was hiding from
The day Iran reached for a bomb.
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, oh yes,
Oh, yes Iran was planning to reach for
A bomb, a bomb, a bomb, a bomb,
Oh, yes, a big ballistical bing-bang bomb!
PRESS:
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, oh yes,
Oh, yes Iran was planning to reach for
A bomb, a bomb, a bomb, a bomb,
Oh, yes, a big ballistical bing-bang bomb!
MARCO RUBIO:
This war’s sensible
And defensible,
If less end-able
Than commence-able
PETE HEGSETH
We’re so glorious.
Facts don’t worry us
TRUMP:
When your logic’s laborious
Failure’s victorious.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:lcnmnqxg6us7l5dtad56s4wl/bafkreiatn6pmupjv22wle5toktjlc7pqbttzg7o4qrhsd46ruwseidujvu)
