iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Currently on a miserable day 14 of my very first Covid infection, after accidentally letting my boosters lapse. Antivirals didn’t finish it off so I got to have a rebound infection just when it was clearing up and go through it all again. 0/10, do not recommend, would like to speak to a manager 😅

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 15m

The audiobook is AMAZING. I normally can’t sit through audiobooks but this one had my attention locked through the whole thing.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 22/09/2026

This does lose some of the catalyst of the first time WITH the boyfriend leading to the breakup, which is much more emotionally compelling and sympathetic than just it being her first boyfriend. I also liked the clarity of girl best friend at the end, for agents specifically looking for sapphic.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 22/09/2026

Wow, this packs a lot of emotional punches! Do you have your hashtags decided? I think you at least need an age market tag (#A or #YA), and a lot of agents will be looking by genre as well.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 22/09/2026

Love this premise! I would suggest some light tweaks: cut the title out of the pitch (let your 2nd comp do that work) and name your protagonist instead of “She.” Break the sentence after “Stockholm Syndrome” to give it emphasis and start a new sentence with When. Also, all caps for comps.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 22/09/2026

Have you considered phrasing it as “going on the run with” instead of “running away”? It gives the spirit more agency and the situation more tension, implying they’re defying rules and being hunted. Again, the premise is really strong, and I think this would be perfect if you can nail the finish!

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 22/09/2026

One option is to use the best friend’s name here, even though I’d normally discourage multiple names in a pitch. In this case, the tradeoff may be worth it. Another option is to use “the spirit,” but it does take a little bit of personalization away.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 22/09/2026

I really love your setup, but I feel like your last line could be a banger hook. I think what’s throwing me is the subject-pronoun confusion, where grammatically, “his” spirit attaches to the last named character (Miles), and takes just enough clarity away to sap the impact of the landing.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

So whatever detail you use to introduce the second POV character and his motivations, it should lead directly to that last domino of stakes. Is he convinced your MC has more powers he could use to defend himself if MC believes? 👽🛸 Sorry, I’m not sure I’m making sense at this point, I’m fried 😅

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

I really like the first and last lines from your other one about him fleeing the cult, and the cult wanting a chosen one and closing in. That gets the stakes/threat across really well and creates a good bookend structure. What you need is cause-and-effect between those lines like tipping dominos.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

I would step back from trying to capture the whole complexity of it, because you’re right that can’t be done in such a short space! The pitch is really selling a version of the story that makes sense in that short space, with just enough detail to stand out. Think movie trailer.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

You don’t need the word count though, and I think there’s a typo in your title? (“The family *that* steals together”)

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

This is really good. Normally I’d suggest cutting the title from the pitch, but in your case I think it’s really hooky and doing good work for you! I would cut the period break between criminal and anymore. It lands pretty awkwardly and you’d still get the same “what do you mean anymore!?” effect.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

This is really strong! Voicey, dramatic, and tense. I think it’s ready for pitch day!

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

Also, is there any way to be more specific about what it means to claim his identity? How would healing powers keep him safe?The Carrie comp suggests his identity includes destructive powers of some kind, not just healing, and if that’s the case I think you could make that option more evocative.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

Love your comps, and the premise. But I’m not sure the whole “caught a meteorite” is working for the pitch. I can tell it’s a cool element of the book, but it doesn’t really tell us anything about him in this short form, and doesn’t create cause and effect or falling dominos for motivation/stakes.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

This is my favorite of your pitches so far! Really well organized and I can picture the movie trailer.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

One way would be to roll the middle pieces together: “…conflict with a charming alien leader on an unclaimed planet. Paperwork leads to feelings…” combines two pieces of information and cuts some redundancy, giving you some more characters to work with!

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

This is well-positioned for sci-fi romance to have a moment! I wonder if you could free up enough word count to give us either her problems on earth or a secret that gets in the way? Especially the secrets, as the peak-end rule makes that detail more impactful.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

It would! Maybe a masked figure or stranger? Especially if their identity isn’t known right away in the book.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

This is really solid and voicey! I think you’re in good shape for DVpit with this one.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

Those comps are PERFECTION. I love this so much I’m reluctant to suggest anything, but it really is all premise and no plot. I would keep it for one of your pitches, but you might need another that’s more character/goals/stakes after she arrives at the farm, to balance it out.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

I think this one’s your strongest! I agree with others that stakes would help, but your premise here is clear and punchy.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

10/10 no notes, would read this immediately. (If you haven’t already, check out the wishlists for Leah Pierre (my agent) or Daniela González Landero at Ladderbird Literary. This might be a good fit!)

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

Oh that is tricky! Yeah, I might do one focused pitch for each POV and then a combined, where a short sentence for each of them and a combination goal, but that’s going to be the hard one 😅

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

So both the Minas say, “forget this jerk” and work together to escape?!This sounds amazing!!

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

If Soraya’s memory is driving motivation throughout the story, though, it may need to be moved further up in the pitch as part of the premise/stakes, and that may be tricky within the character limit. I do think it’s strong as-is, though, if you’d rather leave it!

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

This is really strong and I’m not sure it needs much (except I’d take out the comma after drumming). If I were to get really picky with it, I’d leave out Soraya’s name to keep a tight focus on your MC, and identify her by her role, like “help a traumatized (injured?) friend piece together…”

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

I love sidekick/lower decks stories! So many more interesting ways to go with them. I’m a little confused though because some of your pitches say there’s a villain hunting supers, some saying a super hunting ex villains, and some saying a villain hunting sidekicks as the threat/stakes.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

NP! I just wanted to be sure 😅 I don’t think the quote is doing enough work for you to justify the space it takes up. And we don’t really need the title, word count, or genre (that’s what the hashtags are for). IMO that space would be better spent giving us more unique character and stakes details.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

That’s a much scarier threat/stakes!

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

No worries! #dvparty is later this week and is a chance to talk about your project to other participants, and then the actual pitch party #dvpit is Sept 30 if you want to pitch the story to agents and editors. dvpit.carrd.co

dvpit.carrd.co

DVpit

pitch event for creators from marginalized communities.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

That makes sense, it would have been super rude of me to critique your pitch during an actual pitch event! This is the preliminary event to workshop pitches and get feedback from agented authors.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

This sounds like a really fresh and unique idea, and I hope it gets picked up! I’d recommend cutting “with family friend Vivek” as unnecessary to the pitch (even if it’s important to the story). I’d also like to see a little more about “the cursed day,” as I think that would be compelling detail!

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

Not every book pitches well in this format. But if you’re honestly asking, I’d be happy to run an example for you, if you’d like to suggest a book that isn’t HP. If you’re just being defensive, though, I’d ask why you’re participating in an event to get feedback on your pitch, if you don’t want it?

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

Love this premise but is this a short story or is the 9k a typo?

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

This is my favorite of yours so far! But is there any way to fit in the secret? Maybe a restructure of the last sentence, like “Beatriz can prove she’s innocent, but revealing her secret ability to see magic would put her own life in peril”? The first half is perfect! I’d move hashtags to the end.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

This is another really solid pitch. You’re in good shape going into DV pit!

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

They’re too vague to really paint us a picture. The missing grandfather works if that’s the primary motivator for Eva to uncover her family secrets. “Before a new threat emerges” is also too vague to have any emotional impact. Is there a definite threat emerging you could use, with vivid detail?

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

I would skip the video! DVpit is discouraging graphics and videos for non-illustrators as agents have given feedback that it makes the pitch feel spammy. This is a fun premise to work with, especially in kidlit! But I don’t think the secret org or the mythical student are doing anything for you.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

The first line of the pitch itself reads a little awkward, especially “now ghost.” I think you could get the same information in less characters with something like “the ghost of her deceased academic rival.” After that, though. It’s really strong, and that last line is perfect.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

I can tell this one is going to break hearts. Gorgeous premise! Is Until the Sun Fades the title or a comp to the song? If it’s the title, I’d cut it. If a comp, might need one more, like The Dead Romantics, to make it clearly a comp.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

I think Pickles is 100% guilty 😂😂😂 Honestly, this pitch left no crumbs. Clear and engaging, and you structured it really well to end on the hook. If I had a note, it might be to swap “find out what happened” to something like “solve the mystery” but that comes down to your own stylistic choices.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

This is a good logline! But I would take advantage of the available wordcount to add specific vivid details that flesh out your world as unique and give us a sense of voice.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

Remember pitch event comps are Wild West compared to query comps, so you could pull from TV, movies, songs that hit your vibe, cultural touchstones, etc. They’re also not required at all! If you can make a better pitch using those characters elsewhere, you can skip.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

I think the Odyssey comp works well, provided you name Penelope so we know the comp isn’t the long sea voyage. I’m less sure about This Immortal Heart as it suggests a romance and I don’t see one anywhere in the pitch. I’m also not sure the genderbent Telemachus hashtag justifies the space it uses.

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

I love “the prince who never saved her” as it packs an entire personal relationship and conflict into a very short space! Very nicely crafted. I’m less clear about “long sacrificed” and whether it means this is a longstanding tradition of multiple sacrifices? I would name her instead of “a girl.”

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Jo Conklin Author @joconklin.com · 21/09/2026

Interesting! I think it would be more clear if you broke this up into short, punchy sentences. The subject-verb agreement gets a little muddy. I can’t tell who’s vowing to rid the djinn in her heart, for example, because she was the subject of the last clause, but this suggests we’ve changed to him?

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