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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎

@jlgecko1.bsky.social
9.3K followers 13K following 848 posts

Just an irregular guy with a fondness for sugar. You can kill the man but an idea is immortal. I’ll get most* Simpsons reference. It’s the closest thing I have to a religion. My profile is where fake accounts come to die. Don’t DM me, you’ve been warned

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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Tonight starts my move to night shift work. I am a morning person so this is gonna hurt. My neighbor has a very vocal rooster, too. All the coffee and energy drinks in the world couldn’t save me now.
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
What are the benefits of creating fake accounts? What do the scumbag scammers gain out of it?
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
So basically, people are more educated….
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Got bad news that my car won’t be out of the shop until October 16th. 32 days since I brought it in. That’s rough for a 15mph curb strike that apparently destroyed the front suspension. Thankfully I have my old car to fall back on.
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Today was an okay day. Woke up to two mosquitos in my room but got them both! Made an appointment to see a doctor about my knee injury. Car is still in the shop….at least I got to play some Skyrim and am watching The Simpsons now. Looking forward to the weekend. It’s Oktoberfest time!
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
@minakimes.bsky.social Was this some kind of kind of dare with his buddies? 🤣 I’m dying
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Today was a better day. Went to the gym. Started budget. Got good news about my car curb strike. Still preparing for higher premiums ($7k in damage from a 15mph curb hit [my fault]) but thanks to accident forgiveness (totaled car back in January) I think I’ll be alright. Just gotta be more careful.
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
The majority of emails, calls and DMs I get are advertisements or scams. It’s pretty crazy how relentless they are. Tens of thousands of messages and not once have I been hacked or scammed. Keep trying, I guess? 😘
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
The Waze navigation app….js ❤️
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Hello Austin 🤠
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
Rosè on my brain; cocaine in my dick vein
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
This made me laugh a little. Pretty funny stuff 😅
youtu.be
Trump in Skyrim (A.I. Video)
YouTube video by GORM THE OLD
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Reposted by Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎
✨🌟 ⭐️ LoveKat ⭐️🌟✨🟦♿️🧬🏳️‍🌈🇺🇸🇺🇦🇨🇦🇲🇽🌎☮️🕊️🟪 @lovekat41.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Missouri Repugs just cut $4 Million in funding for Dolly Parton's Imagination Library Literacy Program, which sends monthly free books to kids 5 and under. No more children will be able to sign up to receive free books in Missouri. Tell me again, how MAGA loves Dolly. 🤬🤬🤬
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
The upside to not being able to afford groceries is that I miss out on all these crazy contaminations and recalls. You cannot kill what you cannot see and power has blinded them long ago.
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Impeachment is dandy but prison is sweeter. Unfortunately, that orange son of a bitch deserves neither. A punishment much more permanent would suit him just fine. Perhapsan intervention from the Devine.
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Reposted by Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎
Marc Elias @marcelias.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
NEW: Missouri’s Supreme Court is already eyeing legal challenges to the state’s citizen-led redistricting referendum case – even before the first judge has had a chance to rule – warning lower courts not to dawdle. www.democracydocket.com/news-alerts/...
democracydocket.com
Missouri Supreme Court Chief Justice warns GOP against running out the clock on redistricting referendum
Powell urged the court to handle the matter “expeditiously” to leave sufficient time for the appeals process.
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
I’d rather be a dumocrat than a rapepublican
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
Feeling pretty sleek. Hope everyone is having a good Sunday. Try to make someone smile today.
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
I’m going on a date tonight! 😊🤞💕 Gonna try to make this one work. Gonna try to learn from my mistakes. 1. Don’t bring up euthanizing animals 2. Don’t reference serial killers 3. Don’t tell them I put Viagra in their drink just to “make sure” 4. Smile and make eye contact 5. Open the car door 👍
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Reposted by Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎
The Tennessee Holler @thetnholler.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
CNN: “Zohran Mamdani is the most popular Democrat among Democrats. By a lot.” (H/T @acyn.bsky.social )
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
How can anyone with a shred of decency support ICE? Watching these videos is sickening. It is clear that something is fundamentally and morally wrong. These are human beings, not insects. This goes beyond immigration policy, it is outright, Gestapo-style fascism.
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
I wonder if he’s related to Getty Images 🤔
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 26/07/2026
Eating popcorn is cool until you get that one kernel that didn’t pop and then it’s like why am I even doing this?
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
I live on deed red Missouri, ya hear?’an I say this twice…..fuck Donald’s Trump and fuck his regime. They done screwed us big time and “we the people” don take kindly to dat. We gon eat him on a spigot roast. Who got da sauce?
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
Seems appropriate
open.spotify.com
Killing In the Name
Rage Against The Machine · Rage Against The Machine · Song · 1992
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
Backstreet boys….he says “am I sexual” and all his bros are like “yeeeaaahhh” 😅😅😦
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
I was gonna watch Trump’s speech tonight but I have stare at the wall during that time. Darn it.
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
I spoke to my old friend Mitch McConnell today over the phone for around 20 minutes and he told me that Bruce Willis is dead at the end of Sixth Sense.
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
Being able to tell time is an incredibly rare skill
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
1. Democratic Socialism: The Community Dairy 🐄 You have two cows.The government does not take them away from you.You and your neighbors vote to pass a law that creates a town dairy. You give some of your milk to the town dairy as a tax. In return, the town uses that milk to give free veterinary -
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
Excuse me, sir, are you a bit peckish? No, I’m Turkish.
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
Fox News is the Jerry Springer of news networks. Anyone who watches and takes it as fact is a complete and utter fool.
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
My boss full heartedly believes New York is under Socialist rule.
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
Coyote ugly in Austin Texas. Nothing like a quiet Wednesday to sooth my jangled nerves.
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 15/05/2026
Ever since working in the airline industry, my insult to people has been, “I hope you get the middle seat”
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
I would entertain the thought of purchasing a beer fridge, but the beer I buy never gets the opportunity to reach room temperature 🍻
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 02/05/2026
Police have far too much power in the US. Nothing but Gestapo bullies. Very easy to see how Germany fell to nazism back in the day. I have no doubt in my mind the police would round up people and execute them if they were told to do so. Power belongs to the people, not the state.
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 24/04/2026
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
The real reason the artimis crew was up there
open.spotify.com
Another Planet
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
I could literally get a better deal from the mob
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 11/04/2026
Touch the light and it burns.
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
Kicking off this Friday will a little Faith
open.spotify.com
The Way You Love Me
Faith Hill · Breathe · Song · 1999
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 04/04/2026
3:00am wake up time definitely sucks but they forgot I’m literally Lucifer and I’ll just alter my consciences about it. Fuck the system. Be free. You are your own god. Logic > faith
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 24/03/2026
I went thought HOU airport security today around 9:00am. It took me all of 3 minutes. Please don’t believe the hype. Also didn’t see an ICE agents but that’s probably because they were wearing camo 😆
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
A reply I got from Josh Hawley. What an absolutely lying coward. Hell isn’t hot enough for these people.
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Jake Langland 🇺🇸🦎 @jlgecko1.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
🙁
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