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So you showed up. You marched. You chanted until your voice cracked, carried a sign until your arms ached, and stood shoulder-to-shoulder with people who refused to stay silent. You were one of the thousands—no, millions—who put your body where your convictions are. Congratulations, patriot. You’ve earned

On June 19, 1865—two and a half years after the Emancipation Proclamation—Union troops arrived in Galveston, Texas, to inform the last enslaved Black Americans that they were technically free. Let th...

Welcome to the Resistance Dispatch: Sarcasm, Truth, and a Dash of Fury Hey ASSHOLES—yeah, I’m talking to YOU. The ones trying to torch Los Angeles—not literally, but politically, socially, and cultu...

Because Apparently, Head Start Was Just Socialism in Disguise Ahhh, Spring. The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, and the federal government has decided that toddlers — yes, toddlers — hav...

Dear Friends in Freedom (or what’s left of it), Let’s talk about Project 2025—because what better way to start the day than with a light dose of political dread wrapped in a bureaucratic bow? Now, f...

A1 for America: The Secret Sauce to Fix Our Failing Schools (Move Over, AI Dear Enlightened Citizens, Hungry for Knowledge and Maybe a Steak, In a bold leap forward for public education, our Secreta...

Here’s your extra gooey, sarcasm-drenched newsletter, piping hot from the oven of absurdity: Because nothing says “public service” like fresh-baked emotional support snacks. BREAKING: Secretary of t...

Zoom is the leader in modern enterprise video communications, with an easy, reliable cloud platform for video and audio conferencing, chat, and webinars across mobile, desktop, and room systems. Zoom ...

I went to the dentist recently. Nice enough guy—white, late 30s, the kind of man whose golf handicap is probably more important to him than, say, voting rights or the climate crisis. While I sat in th...

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE PENGUINS SLAP BACK: PENGUIN FINANCIAL SERVICES LAUNCHES IN RESPONSE TO HISTORICALLY UNFAIR TARIFFS ON UNINHABITED ISLAND “The most unjust tax in the history of taxation, and we...

Weekly Whiplash Good morning, citizens of the Free World™—where the only thing freer than our speech is the moral compass of our elected officials. I was planning to write a lighthearted piece today...

(A Survival Guide for the Gaslit, the Gutted, and the Grossly Underestimated) Dear Friends, Fighters, and Fellow Americans Who Still Have a Spine, Welcome to April 2025—where apparently “government ...

How to Torch the Global Economy and Call It Freedom Fries Once upon a time in the Magical Land of Free Markets, someone read half a sentence in an economics textbook, fell asleep drooling on it, and ...

A Stitch in Time Saves Your Sanity Now listen. I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but society is teetering on the edge, and we all know why: we no longer beat the stuffing out of inanimate objects when th...