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Jeremy Hammett

@jeremyhammett.bsky.social
2.1K followers 437 following 44K posts

Wannabe novelist, foul mouthed story teller, dad and recovering dirtbag. “Took every bad fork in the road but look who’s standing here.” I sometimes write something interesting at: in-the-pines.ghost.io

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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 2h
Not only is the new and expensive dishwasher fucked up the new and expensive car we just bought has a flat. Oh the same tire that went flat with under 100miles on the odometer. The only thing you can buy in the U.S. that works like it’s supposed to and will last forever is a gun.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 3h
Leaf blower hate was another thing I didn’t quite understand until I moved to the Boston suburbs. Even when I worked nights it wasn’t that big of a deal but then I moved to the land of constant lawn service and now I am sick and tired of hearing them.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 3h
Local MAGA guy whose house is between mine and the gym has a skeleton in a blond wig dangling from a stripper pole while surrounded by presumably male skeletons showering her with dollar bills as his Halloween decorations.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 3h
Welp… Doesn’t look like I’m getting to the gym today because something’s busted in the new and expensive dishwasher
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 18h
Why does the secretary of defense dress like I did when I was a rookie detective assigned to assist with a SWAT search warrant?
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 18h
Blocked so many sociopaths in the reposts my block button started giving me an error message.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 21h
Once again it’s a half day at the kids school. On a Wednesday. Two days before they have a three day weekend. I do not know why our school board is actively hostile towards working parents and I don’t understand how a family working shift work makes this schedule work for them.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Okay. I’ve got a story telling story. The beats are there. Two ghost stories about working night shift as a Sherrif’s Deputy. Now I gotta read it out loud and punch it up until it flows.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Aright. Who’s in? It’s cheaper than an F250
Facebook Marketplace ads for an English Spartan APC.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Cool. Potential hurricane in the Gulf. I’m sure everyone on this app will be super cool and chill and not at all an asshole as I wait to see if my mom and mother in law and best friends get wiped off the face of the earth.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Do academics know how to chill the fuck out and talk about anything normal? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . No.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Kids in the living room FaceTiming with a school friend and I’m in the kitchen singing along to “El Cerrito Place” as loudly as possible because what are dads for?
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
I struggle with interruptions. If I’m writing and it’s going good just getting up to go to the restroom can shut everything down. I couldn’t imagine trying to write with the threat of someone walking in or calling on the phone hanging over my head.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
This is a trap. The only truly good tacos in Massachusetts are mine and not all of yall are invited.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
I have now stayed outside long enough it’s time to go outside and wait for the school bus. I should’ve been working on my story telling piece but this is okay. Equally valid use of my time.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
It is two thirty on a glorious fall afternoon. Kids are getting off the school bus. Folks are out walking. So of course some Harley riding dipshit is tear assing around with pipes so loud I can hear them from a mile away.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Should’ve gone to the library. This is book weather and I don’t have a new book.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Look at this regal dummy sniffing the breeze like he smell the secret of life.
Stupid fucking black dog sitting in a suburban yard sniffing the breeze.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
If nothing else it is a glorious fall day today and the kid at the grocery store checkout had a personality
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
It’s impressive that with journalism crashing a glossy magazine has the time and money to print rage bait targeted specifically at me.
Cover of Boston Magazine in a grocery store check out line.  It shows a Massachusetts license plate that reads “Numbah 1” and the headline says “61 reasons why we’re better than everyone”
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
It’s impressive that with journalism crashing a glossy magazine has the time and money to print rage bait targeted specifically at me.
Cover of Boston Magazine in a grocery store check out line.  It shows a Massachusetts license plate that reads “Numbah 1” and the headline says “61 reasons why we’re better than everyone”
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Was in line at Kohls behind two Masshole Memaw’s. Lady in front of them turns around and says “self checkout is open” Masshole Memaws angrily mutter “I don’t want to use that machine” then go back to their conversation. Never once look behind them. Never see me standing there.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
So New Hampshire’s population is 2% African American yet their only death row inmate is a black man?
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Well that’s overlong shit but it’s a start for my October story telling piece.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
The absolute worst part about this bullshit is I can’t find the words to write about it in a compelling way. That and it’s my real world everyday so it doesn’t go away when I log off.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
“Lower class white hick culture” huh? That’s a thing we say out loud and in public to cheers now?
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Sean Ryan whining that MAGA people have his number and “can reach me” and saying he’ll never vote again is a good thing. Also real tough guy shit their hooyah. Fucking Navy SEALs man. Worthless for anything but war crimes and Instagram posts.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Two. The answer is two. One usual suspect and a new luxury SUV I haven’t seen before. And even if it were legal to park there they’re too far from the curb. Guess the politics of the usual suspect.
BMW X5 illegally parked despite empty parking spaces nearby.Same BMW X5 and another crossover SUV with Florida plates illegally parked.America 250 stickers on the window of the darker illegally parked SUV crossover with Florida plates.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Sean Ryan, allegedly a Navy SEAL, is confused and disgusted that Erica Kirk went to work a few days after Charlie’s funeral and bro…for fucking real!? Do they give SEAL teams compassion leave when they lose someone? because my Sheriff’s Department didn’t. There’s shifts to cover.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Listening to a podcast covering Candace Owens conspiracy theories about Charlie Kirk and one thing that’s obvious is that crew never thought they’d take casualties. All their talk about violent antifascists but they clearly didn’t believe it would happen to them.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Y’all wanna place bets on whether there’s a car illegally parked outside the gym?
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
It’s also weird how these little old ladies diligently wipe down the machine handles but not the pads where they’ve left a pool of sweat.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
We almost made it before hitting a gym machine traffic jam but I’ve run out of alternate exercises and these boomers are working slower than a turtle fucks.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I have never used a dating app. I will never use a dating app. But if I did I think “Knows all the words to the Georgia Sayellites ‘Keep Your Hands to Yourself’ by memory” would go in my bio just to see if it works.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Man Treaty Oak Revival would’ve hit like a fucking nuclear bomb when I was 22. I’d have thrown shit during “Boomtown”
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Gary Allan’s cover of “Runaway” also hits. Smoke Rings in the Dark was the first album I ever ordered online. Had to borrow a credit card and an Internet connection because it was the only way to get the album in Hawaii.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I think I like Incel music. “Oklahoma Smokeshow” is the only Zach Bryan song I truly like. “Mainstreet” is a top five Bob Seger track. “Jessie’s Girl” is an 80s banger.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
So far Graham Parson, Merle Haggard, and The Flying Burrito Brothers are the vibe. Guess I’m feeling very California today.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I didn’t appreciate Merle Haggard when I was younger. I liked a few songs but otherwise I was kinda meh…but “Misery and Gin” hits hard in middle age.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I used to think Jewel’s “Foolish Game” was deep but now? Eh…. Taking your coat off and running the rain just seems dumb. Damn sure not a personality.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I’m not saying Cajun music makes everything better but Horace Trahan came on and the sun came out.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Gonna go ahead and start with the leg machines because there are A LOT of blue hairs in the gym this morning and a machines gonna be hard to come by once the old crones really get going.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
No I’m not writing anything tonight. Why do you ask?
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Motherfuckers on this website be like “carrying a pocket knife is fascist” and LOL I am not built for this world. I need to take my ass back down to Louisiana and buy some overalls and sit on a porch chewing tobacco and complaining about the weather I can’t take this shit anymore.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
If you can geo-locate the picture in the background I have it on good authority that the speckled sea trout are in shallow and biting.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
World War 2 has been done to death we need movies about Korea.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Took me half a day of that NY Times article floating around before I stumbled on “Towns like this [Springfield Ohio] need to die” because the people there “will smile in your face and stab you in the back.”
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Sometimes I have the urge to really fuck with my spouse on social media but I can’t because all these nerds think they’re social media is “professional” or some shit.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Listening to a podcast about Candace Owens conspiracy theories a round the Charlie Kirk assassination that relies heavily on an interview she did for the Shawn Ryan show and Jesus Fucking Christ Shawn Ryan is a piece of shit.
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Jeremy Hammett @jeremyhammett.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Half my family and most of my friends are/were MAGA. I’ve had these conversations since 2015 and they’ve only gotten worse and I’m fucking exhausted. So now I’m estranged. If I couldn’t get anywhere with my loved ones at Christmas dinner what the fuck do you expect out of my plumber over lunch?
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