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Jesse Bradley-Amore

@jbradleyamore.bsky.social
75 followers 80 following 85 posts

Cat dad. Writer and performer of the solo show How I Learned (NOT) To Drive (howilearnednottodrive.com)

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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 03/03/2026
Such a lost opportunity for drug companies advertising injectable GLP-1s not using an upbeat cover of Elliott Smith’s “Needle In The Hay”.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 13/02/2026
Why is it always abstenence-only sex education and not anal-only sex education? So many men would discover the joys of pegging early on in life instead of during your first prostste exam at 40.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 23/12/2025
My wife: [feeding our cat] here’s your surf and turf. Me: you can also call eating someone’s ass and pussy “surf and turf” My wife: 🙄
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 19/12/2025
Nevermore: a Paramore cover band where everyone is dressed as ravens.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 08/12/2025
My latest midlife crisis: a senryu I’m starting a band called Panic! at the Costco; I like savings not tragedies. #comics #costco #emo #dadjoke
A cartoon of a middle aged man singing “I chimed in with a haven’t you people ever heard of saving only a buck fifty on a hot dog and soda” to the tune of Panic! At the Disco’s
“I write sins not tragedies. The 2 audience members are bored.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 05/12/2025
I wanted the cool cyberpunk dystopia, like getting bionic arms and shit, not this current lame ass cyberpunk dystopia where we can die from measles while watching the latest porn sponsored by Polymarket.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 24/10/2025
Back in my day, we used call Fleshlights edge cases and we liked it.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 05/10/2025
My favorite thing about One Battle After Another is how it aligns the worst holiday with white supremacists.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 04/10/2025
Waiting for the inevitable Taylor Swift / Morgan Wallen duet.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 03/10/2025
I’m disappointed that The Life of a Showgirl was not a musical reimagining of the classic 1995 erotic drama Showgirls. #TaylorSwift
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 01/10/2025
Poets: let’s write poems about the moon. Hades II: let’s nuke people with the moon.
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Reposted by Jesse Bradley-Amore
Whiskey Tit Press @whiskeytit.com · 18/09/2025
@jbradleyamore.bsky.social is coming to Philly— baby's all grown up. Go see!
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 06/09/2025
Me: [Looking at my hair in the mirror] Christ, I need a haircut. My wife: He can’t help with that. Me: Who…oh. My wife: *jazz hands*
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 18/08/2025
Me: [after hearing my wife talk about how parents of intersex kids request surgery to make them the gender they want] Ambiguous Genitalia is my new slam poet name. My wife: You should go back to doing poetry slam and do really cringy poems. Me: I already did that in my 20s.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 15/08/2025
When my cat rubs his face on things, it’s adorable. When I rub my face on things at a Best Buy, they call the cops.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 11/08/2025
I stopped writing fiction because I got tired of predicting the future accurately.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 08/08/2025
I injured my hand from playing video games; better than from jerking off. #poetry #poem #poetrycomics #videogames #senryu #haiku #comics #comedy #aging #middleage #middleaged #doodle #doodling #selflove #jerking #masturbation
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 02/08/2025
It seems like I was running through a lot of your minds because I ran 10 miles today.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 01/08/2025
DeSantis declared today as “Hulk Hogan Day” in Florida. To celebrate, make sure to do some steroids and be casually racist. Don’t forget to end every sentence with “brother”.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 29/07/2025
Can’t wait for that inevitable Sydney Sweeney Isotoner ad where she says “hey, my heil’s are up here.”
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 11/07/2025
I tried getting into a threesome with a Sith couple. They refused. The Rule of Two I guess also includes what happens in the bedroom.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 09/07/2025
My wife: Could you turn on the light? Me: [Turns on the light]. I had to do it this way because the other way wouldn’t have worked. My wife: What other way? Me: [Looking at the light sexually] “You’ve been a very bad light, haven’t you?” My wife: *shakes her head*
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 08/07/2025
Pro-lifers are pro-life until a facehugger uses its proboscis to implant an embryo in them.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 07/07/2025
I get dirty looks from people when they see me wearing a KN95 mask because they think I’m ICE. I correct them by telling them what masked ICE agents really look like: a walking uncircumcised penis with an American flag foreskin tattoo.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 07/07/2025
My solo show, How I Learned (NOT) To Drive, comes to Harrisburg Fringe next week. Get your tickets at howilearnednottodrive.com.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 03/07/2025
The great thing about the Big Beautiful Bill is that we’re going to get an American version of the Diary of Anne Frank.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 03/07/2025
Ever wanted to sell your body to pay for your healthcare? Thanks to the Big Beautiful Bill, you soon can. Pay your copays by the pound and feed your fellow poors with your flesh. Mmmm Mmmm. Taste that freedom.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 02/07/2025
Listen up, queers. Pride is over. The only thing you’re allowed to be out and proud about this month is America. I better see you deep throat a glizzy without gagging while a bald eagle watches in a cuck chair made in the USA.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 30/06/2025
I thought we already had an Alligator Alcatraz in Florida. It’s called Gatorland.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 23/06/2025
If I was playing a drinking game based on the “um’s” and “utilized” said in this all hands meeting I’m in, I would be as dead as Dylan Thomas.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 14/06/2025
My 7th grade math teacher, Mrs. Stickler, pulled me aside after class one day. She pointed at my limp wrists and said “you need to work on not walking like that because people might think, y’know?” Jokes on her though because I fucked her husband 27 years later. #pride
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 14/06/2025
Why be scared of Friday the 13th when you can be scared every day. #comic #comics #cartoon #cartooning #doodle #doodling #poetry #senryu #haiku #poetrycomics #maha #rfkjr #cdc #vaccines #vaccinessavelives #covid #covid_19 #pandemic #horror #fridaythe13th
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 10/06/2025
I too would love to be offered enough money to betray my values like CM Punk.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 02/06/2025
As I’m about to put my mask on to head into a Kroger: Guy: “Smart man wearing a mask. It’s (COVID) coming back around again.” Me: “It never left.” Guy: “That’s real shit right there.”
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 15/05/2025
I’ve been banned for life from Williams Sonoma. I’m disappointed that they turned out to be so vanilla. It’s not my fault that I’m pansexual.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 04/05/2025
May the Forth be with you or something. #maythe4th #maythefourth #maythe4thbewithyou #maytheforcebewithyou #abortionishealthcare #abortions #abortionaccess #plannedparenthood #starwars #sith
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 01/05/2025
It’s Gonna Be May. #comic #comics #cartoon #cartooning #doodle #doodling #poets #poem #nationalpoetrymonth #poetry #april #may #meme
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 19/04/2025
My love, We celebrated the second day of American Jesus’s stand against his betrayers by playing paintball. I drew the bullet that blessed me to be American Jesus You’ll be proud to know all the shots I made were to the face, unlike the Jesus everyone else in the world celebrates. #tradewarletters
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 18/04/2025
Apparently it’s National Anal Sex Day. However, it feels like that every day under the Trump Administration because we’re all getting fucked.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 17/04/2025
Based on that Roman Reigns interview, I feel like we might get our first “loser gets kidnapped to a different country” match in the WWE.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 14/04/2025
White men do extreme sports because it’s the only way they experience existential fear. Everyone else experiences this the old fashioned way: merely existing.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 08/04/2025
Dearest husband, We watched people get raptured today back to where they belonged. “Why isn’t it happening to us,” our son asked. “Because America is already Heaven,” I said. We celebrated by offering American Jesus spent bullet casings. #tradewar #tradewarletters #vss #project2025
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 05/04/2025
I’m gonna start a charity called Make a Wish but instead of granting wishes, it would grant kids the chance to remake Nine Inch Nails’s “Wish”.
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 16/03/2025
Here’s me doing my best Dom Toretto impression to get you to come see my solo show, How I Learned (NOT) To Drive at @pghfringe March 27-29. Use the link in my bio to get your tickets. #PGHFringe #PGHFringe25 #PittsburghFringe #PittsburghFringe25 #FringeFestivals #Pittsburgh #PittsburghPensylvania
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 14/03/2025
I am doing my solo show tonight for FREE at Breakthrough Theatre. RSVP using this link: www.eventbrite.com/e/how-i-lear... #orlando #winterpark #theatre #soloshow #orlandofringe #fringefestival #oviedo
eventbrite.com
How I Learned (Not) To Drive - Solo Show Filming (FREE)
Can a 40-year-old man with a learner's permit save his marriage by finally conquering his fear of the open road?
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 12/03/2025
My love, Our fearless leader offered our squad the right to purchase cars made by his junkmancer. “We must each buy one to make American Jesus proud,” our squad leader said. “But my family will starve,” Private Jones said. Those were his last words. #tradewarletters2025 #vss #tesla
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 12/03/2025
My love, Today, our son came out as wanting to be a bullet. I asked him: “Why not a gun?” “The bullet is how American Jesus was purified on the cross. A gun is just a hammer.” We celebrated his new identity with ice cream and target practice. #tradewarletters2025 #vss #tradewars #canada
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 08/03/2025
Dearest husband, Our son built a diorama of his school to practice destroying ideas he disagrees with. “What will you learn from the ruins,” I asked him. “How to be a winner even when I’m the only one left.” #tradewarletters2025
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 06/03/2025
My love, We infected ourselves today with American Jesus’s latest blessing. He’s asked for a new family because He’s bored and lonely and we always do what He wants. Our throats are raw from all this coughing but we can still say Amen. #tradewarletters2025 #measles #measlesoutbreak
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Jesse Bradley-Amore @jbradleyamore.bsky.social · 05/03/2025
My love, Our son learned the value of betrayal today. He told the police about witnessing a woman stealing a pregnancy test at the dollar store. The police rewarded our son by promising him he can name the child the woman will give birth to in prison. #tradewarletters2025
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