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Jay Heltzer

@jayheltzer.bsky.social
855 followers 793 following 980 posts

Writer of fiction, microfiction and #5amWritersClub devotee, w/ some bass trombone on the side. I love humor, good humans, and creativity. I ask of at least one from everyone, but all three is fine too. Low Notes: jayheltzer.substack.com

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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I reject insomnia as a method for creating productivity opportunities to work on your writing. I bet anything I craft on 40 minutes of sleep is probably utter dogshit (with apologies to dogs)… BUT I’M GONNA GIVE IT A SHOT ANYWAY! #230amWritersClub #5amWritersClub
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
In this month's LOW NOTES, I give my hottest take on the myriad of writing craft books in the world and which one is the best one. Read and subscribe, peoples. jayheltzer.substack.com/p/theres-mor... #5amWritersClub
jayheltzer.substack.com
There’s More Than One Way to Save The Cat
My hot take on writing craft books.
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Dear brain, while you agree we should work on the WIP, I will give you 20 mins to jot down as many ideas about the next book that is bubbling up inside you, but then its back to the current WIP, got it? #5amWritersClub, where too many ideas pop up when all is quiet.
static.klipy.com
Jim and Pam: Flush Out Bad Ideas
ALT: Jim and Pam: Flush Out Bad Ideas
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
I just wrote the stupidest sentence. It doesn't make sense, it barely serves the story, and it makes me look like a verbal knucklehead... But I have something to edit and revise later. What do you have? #5amWritersClub, where waking early to write poorly is better than not writing at all.
static.klipy.com
Eric Cartman: I'm Better Than Everyone Here
ALT: Eric Cartman: I'm Better Than Everyone Here
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
In this month’s LOW NOTES, I compare my love for used CDs with my current WIP. Read and subscribe, peoples. jayheltzer.substack.com/p/aint-no-sc... #5amWritersClub
jayheltzer.substack.com
Ain't No School Like the Old School
How my used CD collection resembles my WIP
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
Another SHIT day ahead, right? 💩 So Happy It's Thursday! (Sure, you could be one of those peppy "Pre-Friday" people, but whatever.) GM #5amWritersClub 🌅
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
I thought there was always a reader out there with a time sheet, a hand drawn map, an index of characters, astrological charts, currency exchange rates, historic maps, clothing guides, agricultural references, sports almanacs and more as they read, policing for accuracy. No? 🙃
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
Me: Holy crap. I can look up the exact time of sunset on a particular day at a particular spot on the globe back in 1939! 🌇 Also me: Holy crap, this new sunset detail completely throws off the timing of my chapter. 🕰️ Not all info is good info I guess. #5amWritersClub
static.klipy.com
Hide The Pain Harold Harold
ALT: Hide The Pain Harold Harold
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
I have been trained so well by technology that I automatically press SHIFT + ENTER to start a new line or paragraph out of fear of accidentally "sending" something before I'm done writing it, whether it's on social media or not. Thanks Steve Jobs. Ok, time for fiction... #5amWritersClub
static.klipy.com
Courage the Cowardly Dog Typing on Computer
ALT: Courage the Cowardly Dog Typing on Computer
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
Me: I need this one detail... WIP: You don't have time for this. Me: It's an important– WIP: The chapter isn't about whether there was a fence. Move on. Me: But my readers need to know. WIP: At this rate, you won't finish the book and won't have readers. Me: Fine. #5amWritersClub #HistoricFiction
static.klipy.com
Seeker: More Research Is Needed
ALT: Seeker: More Research Is Needed
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
If this doesn't define my existence in the #5amWritersClub, then nothing will.
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
Ha. As much as trumpet players think we rip them off, the trombone in its current form is older than the modern trumpet. Plus I’ve been playing one for 45 years. Thats a trombone.
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
Psst… trombone, not trumpet.
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
consistency? impact? spatula?
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
That's a little dude with a lot of attitude. Turtle side-eye game is strong with that one. 🐢
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
Sit down open laptop same chapter same problems same writer Back at it, 'cause what else am I going to do now that I'm awake? Eggzactly! #5amWritersClub
static.klipy.com
Samus Paulicelli: We Are Not Done Yet
ALT: Samus Paulicelli: We Are Not Done Yet
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
Still waking stoopid early Still here Still writing Still proud to be in the #5amWritersClub
static.klipy.com
Martin Sheen as President Bartlet: Am I Still Here?
ALT: Martin Sheen as President Bartlet: Am I Still Here?
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
The tired eyes continue throughout the day, and yet, I'm still awake at the desk each morning. Someone better explain to my eyes this practice will continue.
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
In this month's LOW NOTES, I got shoved into the AI machine and something else came out. Read and subscribe, peoples. jayheltzer.substack.com/p/i-got-aied... #5amWritersClub
jayheltzer.substack.com
I Got AI'ed and You Will Too
What happened when someone fed me to the monster?
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 01/04/2026
Hey, Morris meant well and his car was spotless.
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 01/04/2026
In this month’s LOW NOTES, I found the perfect place to less my more. It’s in Houston, Texas. Read and subscribe, peoples. jayheltzer.substack.com/p/the-rothko... #5amWritersClub
jayheltzer.substack.com
The Rothko Chapel
The ultimate place to "Less is More" your brain.
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 15/03/2026
His account is suspended at the moment. I didn’t report anything but perhaps he was a bit of a problem child to many. Oh well. As we were….
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 14/03/2026
@itsdonaldrus.bsky.social Hey there, Donald. I’ll bet a lot of money we don’t have the same pad, Lamy fountain pen, and gold-plated bass trombone mouthpiece. Please remove my picture from your header.
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 01/02/2026
In this month's LOW NOTES, I try to apply a year of "Less is More" to my writing desk, and it doesn't go well. Read and subscribe, peoples. #5amwritersclub jayheltzer.substack.com/p/all-the-co...
jayheltzer.substack.com
All the Colors Before Me
The subtle art of drawing attention to something
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 08/01/2026
First VDP of 2026 is tomorrow, building MOMENTUM for the rest of the year. Plus... first details about the annual Journey to Jupiter in-person writing retreat. You KNOW you want to be there... so be there. #5amWritersClub
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 05/01/2026
Virtual Donut Parties are back for '26, starting this Friday 1/9 at 5am ET via Zoom. How to build MOMENTUM for a successful year -Repetition -Asking little & big questions of your work -Measuring Success -Celebrating without Slowing Down #5amWritersClub DM me for the new Zoom link
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 30/12/2025
This might be my most favoritest one of all the ever. ♥️ 🐶
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 26/12/2025
🧠More. ♥️Less. ✋🏻Some? 🧠It needs more. ♥️But not with unnecessary fluff. Move on. ✋🏻Gimme something, please. 🧠We haven't fully told the story. We've barely filled the scene. ♥️The reader understands. We shouldn't be working this hard! ✋🏻Kinda like this post? #5amWritersClub
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 24/12/2025
🧠I'm so tired. Not just sleepy tired, but so... ugh. ♥️I get it. You wanna write? 🧠Yeah, but... its easier to not bother. ♥️That's no fun. Writing is fun. 🧠Yeah, but– ♥️Hey... don't ever forget: Writing is fun. Doesn't have to be anything else. 🧠 😀 ✋🏻Game on! #5amWritersClub
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 22/12/2025
Mazel tov! What a fantastic gift!
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 22/12/2025
♥️The holiday concerts are over. 🧠Halleluyah! ♥️Time to finish with the gifts. 🧠Crap! ♥️But we get to write first. 🧠Halleluyah! ♥️Time to finish that synopsis. 🧠AW CRAP! #5amWritersClub
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 21/12/2025
🧠It's synopsis time. ♥️I believe in you. ✋🏻Good luck. 🧠The heroine... no. The night was... ♥️Take your time. ✋🏻You know the story, right? 🧠On a dark desert highway... ♥️That's not– ✋🏻Oh lord.🤦🏻 🧠Who's the MC again? ♥️This may take a while. ✋🏻I'll make more tea. #5amWritersClub
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 20/12/2025
If the void screams back, has a tree fallen in the forest? 🤔
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 20/12/2025
🧠Its go-time. ♥️Hold on... a few more journal thoughts... ✋🏻We'll be with you in a sec. 🧠... Now? ♥️... 🧠Now?? ♥️... 🧠Now??? ♥️If you don't mind, I need to SCREAM INTO THE VOID AND CAN'T START THE CREATIVE PART TILL I'M DONE, OK? 🧠Damn. ✋🏻Told you. #5amWritersClub
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 20/12/2025
As a fellow parent who appreciates whimsy, it is time to stage an intervention.
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 19/12/2025
I predict there's going to be a ton of frustrated Wordle players today. Anyhoo, anyone seen my focus? It was here yesterday. #5amWritersClub
media.tenor.com
a man wearing a yellow shirt with the letter a on the front
ALT: a man wearing a yellow shirt with the letter a on the front
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 18/12/2025
♥️You really need to finish holliday shopping. 🧠What would my MC want for Christmas? ♥️Most of the good stuff is gone. 🧠Are there any gifts in Chapter 6 of my WIP? ♥️You're running out of time. 🧠Time is a plot problem. ♥️Oy, you're your own plot problem. 🤦🏻🎄 #5amWritersClub
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 17/12/2025
If I had only seen your post yesterday, I would have claimed Chroma, since The Phantom Tollbooth is my all-time, all-ages, all-favorite book of all-time favorites. ♥️
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 17/12/2025
I mean I’m 8% in. The current chapter has similarities but it’s not identical. However, like I mentioned, their execution of a cool idea we both had is far superior to mine… so far. 😉
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 17/12/2025
No choice but to move forward. This story lives!
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 17/12/2025
👀Hey! This best-selling book is like the one we're writing. 🧠Wut? 👀Sweet! It's got scenes just like the ones we wrote. 🧠Come again? 👀Wow. That cool idea we loved... they wrote it much better. 🧠<cry, panic, anger, cry> ♥️It'll be ok. ✋🏻<opens new document> #5amWritersClub
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 16/12/2025
Hence the beauty and glory of the #5amWritersClub
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 16/12/2025
the brain is more lucid, the impossible and improbable become clever and doable, and the rules haven't woken up yet to tell you "you can't."
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 16/12/2025
Amen, sister! ✒️💻
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 16/12/2025
🧠'26 will have big plans, big changes, BIG GOALS! ♥️What about today? 🧠Let's survive today, ok? ♥️Will we be a different person on 1/1? 🧠Same, but new, cool direction. ♥️So, why wait? 🧠Shut up. '26 is our year. ♥️What about today? ✋🏻Today we edit or die!!! #5amWritersClub
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 16/12/2025
agnostic diagnostic might be the most genius concept of self-assessment these days I've ever heard. 🐶
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 15/12/2025
Let's just say I can't handle the truth right now and my feelings go to 11. This also extends to Australia too.
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 15/12/2025
♥️Please don't look at the news. Let's just write, okay? 🧠It's incomprehensible. 👀We can handle it. ♥️No... yesterday was awful. Please don't. 🧠C'mon, just a few hours of creative work first. ✋🏻<click> 👀... Holy shit... 💔 #5amWritersClub
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 13/12/2025
🧠What's all this noise? 👂🏻Her name is Mariah Carey. 🧠Is she in our book about the Mississippi Blues? 👂🏻No, she sang this Christmas song called– 🧠I KNOW THE SONG! What's it doing here? 👂🏻Living rent free. 🧠Get her out! 🪗Can I help? 🧠It would be a 🎄 miracle! #5amWritersClub
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Jay Heltzer @jayheltzer.bsky.social · 12/12/2025
No more appropriate 5am response to this than, "Let's Go Crazy!"
media.tenor.com
prince is singing on stage and says let 's get nuts !
ALT: prince is singing on stage and says let 's get nuts !
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