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James Schlarmann

@jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social
2.6K followers 398 following 1.9K posts

Writer/Comedian/Friendly Neighborhood Satirist linktr.ee/jamboschlarmbo

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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 1m
Let’s make them very sad little Nazis.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
We’re Not Going to Let All The President’s Spineless, Sycophantic Ball Polishers Live in Peace, Right?
When Donald Trump is gone, and I will not stop reminding people that he will be gone one day, we need to make sure never to let the men and women who propped him up live down their ignominy.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
My new #substack today asks an easy question.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
Is Encouraging Your Enemies to Bomb Your Own Cities a Sign of Dementia, or Just Basic Bitch Dictator Shit?
There is no bottom.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I know I’m right about this one.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
MAGA is Just The Temu Confederacy
Racist religious conservatives smell the same throughout time, even if they change hats.
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Reposted by James Schlarmann
Nene Johnson @nenebayjohnson.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Yup
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I think Sam Altman’s broken brain is just as much a threat as AI.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Look what I learned today! #petehegseth
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
I Guess It’s Not “Woke” to Inspect Every Seaman’s Sausage?
Huh.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Their hypocrisy is a feature; not a bug.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
Pro-Life MAGA Man’s Obsession With Execution
When I lived in Escondido, one of my favorite things to do would be to drive past the smattering of MAGA Men and women protesting at the Planned Parenthood and yell, “Get a job” at them.
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Allison Gill @muellershewrote.com · 01/10/2026
My favorite news today is that Riley Gaines lost in court, and there’s no fifth place in court.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Sorry to ask questions with obvious answers today. #cornell
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
Is There a Rapist Out There MAGA Men Won’t Defend?
Pardon the interruption, you can get back to your scrolling of cat videos and soup recipes soon, but I have a question, a simple one, really.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I’m sure I can trust the results right?
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
I Asked America.gov Why MAGAs Are Such Try-Hard, Pick-Me Losers. The Answer Surprised Me.
The Trump administration has rolled its new “super intelligence” web site this week.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Why are we letting them get away with this bullshit?
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
I Don’t Think The Dumbest People Should Get to Decide Which Degrees Are Valuable
The MAGA movement is made-up, largely, college uneducated folks.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Probably a horse of a different color, no doubt.
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Reposted by James Schlarmann
Allison Gill @muellershewrote.com · 29/09/2026
The ICE agent who shot Araujo in a Houston is named GREGORY FEATHERS. Make sure everyone knows.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Today I took a look at what MAGA says is patriotism.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
MAGA Are Patriots Like Diarrhea Is a Health Drink
This might come as a shock to anyone who recently awoke from a coma, but MAGA people really aren’t good at words.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Good morning! Here’s a new series I’ve started on my Substack.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
Apostate Sunday School #1: Jesus Loves the Little Children. Especially the Trans Ones.
Good morning, class!
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Is it just me, I wonder? #substack #comedian #satirist #trump #ai #superintelligence
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
When I Think “Donald Trump,” First I Think “Chonky Grift-Rapist,” Then Way, Way Never, I Think “Intelligence.”
Artificial, Super, or Plain Flavors.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Many years ago I took my SAT’s and only missed one analogy question. Just saying.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
I get that guillotines are messy and esoteric and I guess probably murder, so that’s why I think a permanent 100% tax on billionaires would do just as well.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Today I wrote about two turds of a feather.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
Donald Trump is a Deeply Unpopular, Loser Ass Bitch. Just Like MAGA Men.
If there are any MAGA men out there wondering why they’re so lonely, and why very few people willfully interact with them socially, they have no further to look than their fascist, rapist Commander in...
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Can I get fired for practice jokes?
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
Some Practice Jokes for When It Finally Happens
A deep-dive study in the First Amendment
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
They love to groom and trans kids.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
You Know Who Really Wants to “Trans” Your Kids? MAGA Evangelicals.
You know how well the second Trump administration is going?
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Ma’am, you better vote for Dems from here on out.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
ICE is an unconstitutional mob, and fuck anyone who disagrees.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I’ll pass, thanks, Donald.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
Who Wants Their TrumpTV? Pedophiles, Mostly.
We all knew it would happen.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Who wants their TrumpTV? Pedophiles, mostly.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Here’s to hope.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
One Day, Trump’s Arch Will Make a Wonderful Gender Confirmation Surgery and Abortion Clinic
The latest news regarding Donald Trump forcing himself on Americans whether they want him to or not (bigly on-brand!) is that he plans to use his “triumphal arch” as a military installation.
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Reposted by James Schlarmann
ThatGuyJerry @thatguyjerry.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Same @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social, same.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Drag queens at libraries aren’t the ones hiding the Epstein Files, creating slush funds for their families out of our taxes, bullying broadcasters to censor them, or hunting down people in our streets in masks and shock gloves. But what do I know?
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Actual journalism doesn’t require you to be up inside someone’s asshole.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Tackling my apathy today. #mitchmcconnell
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
What They’re Doing to Mitch is Elder Abuse. So Why Don’t I Care?
…that southern drawl of his used to make my skin crawl, but the total lack of “there” there in his eyes is jarring, even for me to see.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
A Jeopardy! master liking your post is exactly the same as winning Jeopardy masters correct?
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Something I wrote for reading purposes.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
I was Shocked To Learn The Constitution Outlaws Presidential Bribery, But Not Socialism
Hey man!
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
My piece today. Looking for a better ratio is all.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
Give Me A Million “Illegal” Immigrants and Not One MAGA Moron
The title would suggest that I want to round-up and deport MAGA morons.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
My new one. #lindsayclancy #substack
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
MAGA Men Don’t Really Care About Lindsay Clancy’s Children
It shouldn’t really need to be said, but for the record: MAGA Men are full of shit.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
If I get killed because I said I don’t care about Charlie Kirk getting killed, please take care of my kids.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
May you have a blessed Kirkaversary.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
One Year Later, I Still Don’t Care
I still don’t care that Charlie Kirk was killed.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Does your boss ever make it through a day where he either doesn’t shit his pants are fall asleep and shit his pants, Judge Jeanie?
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
New #substack article is up.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
Repealing the 19th Amendment is What Men Who Can’t Make a Woman Cum Suggest
I can see how if you can’t make a woman cum, you’d want to repeal every woman’s right to vote.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Oh hi! A new one.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
Do MAGA Chuds Hate the Immigrants Who Brought Their Families Here?
God help me, I think we owe Donald Trump a small form of gratitude.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
So we really are the Empire 😂
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Don’t crucify the messenger.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
Jesus Wants Me to Forward This Email to “Christians” Weighing-In on Lindsay Clancy’s Mistrial
Jesus has my email address, and I have his.
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Reposted by James Schlarmann
¡SATIRISTAS! @satiristas.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Where’s Mitch McConnell? Only his undertaker knows for sure.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
I think having a punchable face must be a prereq for today’s Nerdy Jesus Nazis.
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Reposted by James Schlarmann
brandyblue18.bsky.social @brandyblue18.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
MAGA men, the epitome of "doth protest too much"
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
My new one today.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
MAGA Men: A Terrified Blizzard of Snowflakes
Smart women.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
I love my state. My situation would only be worse anywhere else.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
California Is Superior in Every Way That Counts
I haven’t been to all fifty states yet, but I don’t have to jump into a pool of dog shit after being in the ocean to know which one is superior.
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Being an American makes my brain hurt a lot.
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
It’s Hard Wanting Basic Human Needs Met Without Being a Commie
I’m not sure I can answer this question myself, so I’ll toss it out there for everyone who reads this:
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James Schlarmann @jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Musing today on what happens if/when their attempts to cheat fail?
jamboschlarmbo.substack.com
What Happens If They F*ck With Mail-In Ballots and Still Lose Bigly?
…what happens if they do mess with mail-in ballots, and still end up with a White House agenda as alive and vibrant as Mitch McConnell?
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