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Ivor Cutler

@ivorcutler.bsky.social
19 followers 5 following 8 posts

Not the real Ivor. Not ivory cutlery either.

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Ivor Cutler @ivorcutler.bsky.social · 18/11/2024
Jungle tip: On being attacked by an owl intent on pecking your eyes, slip on a pair of dark glasses. He will imagine that another owl has been there just before him and will sail off, with a disappointed hoot, ears alert for a short-tailed fieldmouse or other small rodent.
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Ivor Cutler @ivorcutler.bsky.social · 18/11/2024
A blind man sat on the top of a tree and he sang in a voice like milk... "I'm looking for a beautiful girl" sang he "with brown hair and red cheeks. A lady who can climb trees and squeeze bees for their honey."
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Ivor Cutler @ivorcutler.bsky.social · 18/11/2024
Today, absent-mindedly, I laid a Granny Smith. It was sold as "A extra large egg, two-and-thruppence for six." The lady took it back. "This is a Granny Smith!" "It is a extra large egg" he said. "Look at the marks." She boiled it. Then she took it back again.
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Ivor Cutler @ivorcutler.bsky.social · 18/11/2024
My Father once had intercourse with a Polar bear in Canada. If you ask him this he will deny this. Not completely astonished. "Canada!" he will shout, in a restrained manner, playing for time.
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Ivor Cutler @ivorcutler.bsky.social · 18/11/2024
"Where are we going Father?" I muttered, gazing at my sandals. "It's hypocrisy day" he replied "stop looking at you sandals and come on." We ran to the great square. Father melted into the background and I joined a queue of little hypocrites.
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Ivor Cutler @ivorcutler.bsky.social · 20/11/2023
A man with a hand like a hammer was hanging a portrait of his wife.
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Ivor Cutler @ivorcutler.bsky.social · 20/11/2023
Baby sits in the rusty bathtub, Waiting. Waiting for her mother's head to turn away. It turned away yesterday. Then she pushed her dummy up the tap.
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Ivor Cutler @ivorcutler.bsky.social · 20/11/2023
Gooseberries and bilberries eaten in very large quantities will give you a pain in the stomach.
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