The Nazis are the most despicable scum to ever walk the face of the earth. Thankfully they were defeated in World War... Get the full story

EAST HANOVER, NJ—As part of the health secretary’s highly publicized pledge to determine the cause of the disorder in the next five months, a wild-eyed Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reportedly shouted “Show me where autism is made!” Thursday while storming the Sour Patch Kid factory. “Attention Sour Patch Factory people: Give me the autism and no […]

NEW YORK—Stressing that the memory seemed so fresh and vivid in their minds, the confused nation announced Monday that they could have sworn British entertainer Russell Brand was already a convicted s...

WASHINGTON—According to a new report published Wednesday by the Pew Research Center, you live in a deeply embarrassing and barely functional country. “Our latest research and statistical analysis show...

WASHINGTON—Lambasting the current program as wasteful, bloated, and entirely unnecessary, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth called for steep cuts Monday to the number of steps in the Alcoholics Anonymous...

WASHINGTON—Grumbling to himself as he repeatedly dropped the device, U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was reportedly blowing into a Breathalyzer Thursday in an attempt to unlock his phone. “Stup...

WASHINGTON—Warning that the charge carried a five-year mandatory minimum sentence, the U.S. Department of Justice declared Friday that the distribution of images featuring a balding Elon Musk constitu...

WASHINGTON—Flailing their arms and crying out in anguish, Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. were reportedly panicking Thursday after getting their tongues stuck to a frozen column near the West Wing of ...

WASHINGTON—In an effort to assuage any fears over the constitutionality of the Trump administration’s flurry of executive actions, a D.C.-area think tank called The Himmler Institute reportedly assure...

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