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Jess Swanson

@inspectorswanson.bsky.social
1.2K followers 676 following 258 posts

34 she/her Nothing safe is worth the drive. ♥️

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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 08/12/2025
I’ve heard people comment on the “we can leave the Christmas lights up til January” line in Lover and say everyone leaves their Christmas lights up that long! Why would she write that? My mother literally told me if my fiancé and I are not at her place before the 31st all decorations will be down.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 07/12/2025
I’ve been sick yesterday (my birthday 🫠) and today. But I’ve had the best little cuddle buddy to help cheer me up and make me feel better.
Orange tabby cat with his eyes closed. His head is resting on his two front paws. And he’s laying on a dark green and black plaid blanket.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 05/12/2025
Came back from vacation to work one day and then immediately am taking a half day. Counting down the hours until I can nap.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 25/11/2025
My shift officially started 14 minutes ago and I have zero unread emails. I love holiday weeks.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 21/11/2025
Somehow managed to buy the Red Cardigan in the middle of the PAX expo hall on my fiancées phone 40 minutes after they dropped. The service is so bad in there I assumed I was screwed! Spending so much money today. 😅
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 20/11/2025
I knew I was going to spend money this weekend at PAX buying new board games. But I usually don’t care about the convention merch. This year it’s so damn cute! I’m gonna spend too much money.
media.tenor.com
a cartoon character sitting on a bus with the words i 'm in danger above him
Alt: GIF from the Simpsons of Ralph Wiggum sitting on the back seat of a school bus. He chuckles and says “I’m in danger”.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 20/11/2025
I have tomorrow off and very little unread emails. I have one big task left to do today and I just keep pushing it off. I want to go home and have my long weekend start now!
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 19/11/2025
Marked safe again! The only thing I could consider is the make up bag, but I have a perfectly good one I use all the time and I don’t need to spend money right now with everything I got going on in the next two weeks. November got me like 💸
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 18/11/2025
Marked safe again from the merch drop! I’m holding out for cardigans or snow globes.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 10/11/2025
My day from hell arrived as promised. But the best thing keeping me going is that when things are hard I take a second to look at pictures of me in my wedding dress. Bought it on Saturday and have never felt more beautiful. I can’t wait for my actual dress to arrive in 9 months….
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 05/11/2025
I have so many good a fun things to look forward in my personal life this month. But the next 4 business days are going to suck so badly. Just one big countdown to the worst of it on Monday. Hopefully my clients get their shit together in time that this won’t be too bad. 🤞🏻
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 01/11/2025
@3tonsoffun.bsky.social and I are doing a deep dive into the folks who are running for Board of Education before early voting today. We don’t even have kids but we need to make sure our schools are supported and we don’t vote for bigots who support book banning!
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 30/10/2025
Really hate that it’s raining all day and I have to go outside to be able to access a bathroom. (They’ve been renovating our building for months)
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 28/10/2025
I am halfway through a book and I still cant decide if I’m going to DNF it. So far it’s not good. But I see the potential.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 18/10/2025
We are now officially under the year mark until I get to marry my favorite person in the whole world. We got our engagement photos taken yesterday and I can’t wait to see them!
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 04/10/2025
Am I crazy or is that a B at the foot of the jukebox? I’m clowning for something for Elizabeth Taylor.
Screenshot of a mysterious Taylor Swift video. Shows a jukebox that says “Classic Hits” and a mini Ferris wheel. Maybe a B on the rug?
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 02/10/2025
My friend and I are going to a Showgirl release party showing tomorrow night. And I just keep on going back and forth on if I should listen to it beforehand. With working I just don’t think I could give it a first listen with as much attention it deserves before the showing.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 28/09/2025
Fiancée and I are at MSP waiting for our flight to go back home. So many Vikings fans huddled around the bar tvs near our gate. And then you have my fiancée, a secret Steelers fan having a great time watching this first half. Hopefully Vikings pull out a win while we’re in the air. #SkolVikings
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 24/09/2025
Me when I’m working from home: This cat just won’t stop biting me for attention and stepping on my keyboard. Go lay down and take a nap. Also me: Where did my little guy go? He’s not in the room pestering me and I miss him.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 23/09/2025
My mother, doesn’t boycott companies lightly but when she does, goes scorched earth, is still so pissed about Kimmel. A lifelong Disney fan, is not resuming her Disney+ or Hulu subscription. Now she’s researching who advertises on Sinclair news stations so she can boycott them and tell them why. ♥️
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 20/09/2025
My fiancée and I are having a board game themed wedding. So we’ve been buying old board games from estate sales. Everyone at estate sales is thrilled that two nerds want to buy up their board game stock. We’re so popular there. 😂😂
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 19/09/2025
I have a Swiftie friend irl for the first time ever. She just drove to an AMC to get us tickets for the release party! I’m so excited!!!! ❤️‍🔥
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 06/09/2025
I have watched Big Brother since season one. I have always watched until the end. Even when the seasons were terrible I watched until finale night. This twist has me strongly considering giving up on this season. This honestly feels like a huge betrayal of trust from production to the fans. #bb27
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 29/08/2025
Not me ending two meetings already today with “Stream Man’s Best Friend by Sabrina Carpenter”.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 26/08/2025
TAYLOR SWIFT AND I ARE ENGAGED AT THE SAME TIME!!!! I’m so happy for her! 😭😭😭😭 What a beautiful proposal! Travis did so well! She finally is getting what she has deserved for so long!
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 24/08/2025
I never shared the wedding countdown we have. And today seems like the perfect day to do so. 🤭
A light pink wedding count down. It says “420 days until you + me become we”
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 20/08/2025
Counting down the hours until I can go home. It’s update day in Dreamlight Valley and 90 minute Big Brother tonight. Wednesdays shave become my favorite week day. Other than Friday of course.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 15/08/2025
Taylor Swift is with me today. No matter how many emails I respond to, I perpetually have 13 unread emails in my inbox.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 14/08/2025
THE COVER IS BEAUTIFUL. TAYLOR IS SO GORGEOUS!!!
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 12/08/2025
TS12!!!!! But I’m not waiting 40 minutes to buy the vinyl. I’m going to sleep. 😴
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 12/08/2025
I just wanted to see what it was and then go to sleep. Of course we broke the damn website. But I can’t go to bed now!
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 11/08/2025
How long are episodes of New Heights usually? Because I got Big Brother at 8pm on Wednesday.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 25/07/2025
My fiancée have been on a good track for wedding planning, but I’m having a hard time fully believing that I am going to be a bride! So I got myself a bridal subscription box. I’m pretty excited for all the bridal and engagement stuff that I never can justify buying when we’re out.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 11/07/2025
Me yelling at our cats at bedtime: I ask for ONE THING in this house, and that is a butthole free pillow!
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 11/07/2025
A new season of Big Brother always feels like the start of summer for me. Which made a lot more sense when it started in June. Lol. #BigBrother27 #bbsky
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 10/07/2025
Me at home over a thousand miles away: Damn. I can’t believe Tower of Terror only has a 25 minute wait. #disney #wdw
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 10/07/2025
Working from home today to help with my mental health and get away from all the distractions at work. I forgot I live with the biggest distraction of all, a silly orange cat. He just loves to cause havoc in the attempt to get any attention from me.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 30/06/2025
Me this morning: Well luckily today should be the only rough day at work this week. Me now: It’s so much worse than I thought. 😭
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 29/06/2025
I got so many works calls today (today is my day off) and the job site calling him will be there again tomorrow. I am so scared someone will wake me up with a phone call tomorrow. I am so tired. I just need sleep. 😭😭
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 15/06/2025
I’ve also had birthday parties where the attendance was less than anticipated. But imagine being so much of a loser that everyone goes to a party about how much they hate you instead.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 08/06/2025
I had a dream that I got to see Muppet 4D one last time. Now I am awake and sad. Wearing the Muppets shirt I bought on my last visit to WDW to help curb my sadness.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 30/05/2025
Taylor pours so much of her heart and soul into her music. I am so happy that those pieces of her are now back home where they belong. Between this and Travis, TS12 (whenever it’s ready) is gonna be filled with so much love and joy. And I am so excited for her!
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 25/05/2025
Asking a very important question today!
A dark wood box that contains a bottle of Tito’s vodka. A bronze card reads “Will you officiate our wedding?” in a cursive font and the outline of the states of Minnesota and Delaware below it.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 14/05/2025
Toured the venue I’ve been in love with for years yesterday and now today WE HAVE A WEDDING DATE!!!
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 11/05/2025
This restaurant has 3 tvs over the bar. One has tennis (that I don’t think is live), one has NHL playoff hockey, and the last one? Iron Chef. Like there isn’t NBA semi-finals or any baseball games on right now.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 10/05/2025
Me: Okay, when’s it’s 8:15 you’ll get off your phone, get out of bed, and start getting dressed. Quick glances at time and it’s already 8:15. Me: oh….one more minute?
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 23/04/2025
When I joined Bluesky and I was asked about what topics I liked. I said I liked sports. And I do! I like hearing about almost all sports. But there is one I do not care for and it just takes over my skyline. I have 9 tags muted for it and it still pops up daily for me. I don’t get it!
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 22/04/2025
Just screaming into the void today at work. Love having to repeat myself in back to back emails to clients. I can’t help you if you WONT READ.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 16/04/2025
Wednesday is becoming my favorite week day because I get to look forward to new Survivor and Dreamlight Valley shop updates. But once a month a meeting I run occurs during the last hour of my day and it’s really putting a damper on my vibe today.
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Jess Swanson @inspectorswanson.bsky.social · 10/04/2025
Made a mistake at work today and to fix it, it’s looking like I’ll need to work a 15 hour day. Already at hour 12 and I’m beat. And soon all I’ll be doing is waiting for someone else to get here.
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