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US will score three (make DSC look bad) A Canadian Loon (or x-Loon) will score and Coach Jesse will give us a little dance in celebration. Wonderwall will not be played regardless of outcome. Prophecy is likely wrong cause Tuesdays are normally a day for resting up the psychic energy.

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Loons are playing today? Totally forgot my prophecy…so let me be really late with a sloppy prophecy and draw a red card for my effort. A round ball will be kicked around a turf field by adult men for about an hour and a half.

static.klipy.com

Muppet Show: Crazy Harry's Explosion

ALT: Muppet Show: Crazy Harry's Explosion

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

In a galaxy far, far away the Loons are top of the table. In this galaxy, the Loons are “meh” and hoping that Santa Klauss doesn’t score a hat trick today. We end up with a 2-2 tie as cool weather disrupts the Galaxy from peak form to allow United to even the match.

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Caco Muppet (Kermit) Santa Pop-Up

ALT: Caco Muppet (Kermit) Santa Pop-Up

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

“Wonderwall” to be replaced with Beck’s “Loser”

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

We lose another one today. The Loons put up a good fight but St. Louis gets it done at home winning 4-2. On a side note: we are asking the corporate lawyer if GAM can buy us a playoff spot. His initial reaction was not promising.

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Johnny Fiama's Sad Face - Muppetwiki

ALT: Johnny Fiama's Sad Face - Muppetwiki

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

The Loons win to go 8-8-8 on the season. #8 Chancalay scores at 8pm to give our boys the lead. I would like to say the final score is 8-0, but that’s just silly. More like a 5-3 win with 8 total goals and 8 yellow cards given out. Ignore that today is 9/9, the number for today is EIGHT.

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Count Dracula Counts Eight

ALT: Count Dracula Counts Eight

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

Sorry I was right about the draw. Thought we might hold on to that amazing comeback lead

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Loons face a tough challenge when Griezmann and company come to town. We do get some goals with Chancalay hitting the net and maybe Yeboah (yips gone?), but only get a draw. Hope Gene gets to swap jerseys with Griezmann post-game. Allons-y Les Loons.

static.klipy.com

Muppets Muppet Show

ALT: Muppets Muppet Show

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

The are in California there are going to In-n-Out, not Micky D’s

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

He might have also been the fan that threw a beer at Bruce earlier.

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 21/08/2026

This is the type of creativity you can only get from a real human. Real art from real people. No AI would ever be this bold…at least according to the princess.

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

We are United. They are United. A team named United will win. Boxy will get a goal he should had in USOC final years ago plus Pereyra can’t stop scoring. So the United Loons of Minnesota win 2-0. Rock on Wonderwall.

static.klipy.com

Muppets Muppet Show

ALT: Muppets Muppet Show

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

You nailed it. This line up is so horrendous if they came out as the Loons starting XI, immediately I would chose to cheer for the other team.

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

Yeah, predicting hasn’t been working great for all of us recently, so not committing strongly to anything seemed to be a good plan. BTW loved the Blues Clues gif today

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

Newsflash: MLS is back (again) and no longer stands for Major League Soccer, but instead is branded as Maybe Loons Score. Is this the break we need? Can Dieng or Caldeira take control and put Yeboah out of a job? Will Matt’s Chaos Corner ever return? Tune in tonight to find out.

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Muppet News Flash: Newsman's Fiery Report

ALT: Muppet News Flash: Newsman's Fiery Report

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 13/08/2026

Hey Dan, I was going to complain that the Loons haven’t won because of no Matt’s Chaos Corners for months. Turns out we just needed to get Yeboah off the field. Maybe Ya-Boy was practicing too much in Crocs? Still hope there is some Chaos coming in future episodes.

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 11/08/2026

Rinse and repeat from Friday…(as requested)

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 07/08/2026

Rotation, rotation, rotation. Loons still lose, but at least we see some fresh faces. Glad I am not invested as a fan in the “Tournament No One Cares About”. Let’s save it for MLS season homestretch.

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Big Bird Spinning on Sesame Street

ALT: Big Bird Spinning on Sesame Street

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 01/08/2026

Loons desperately need a win before heading into the “Tournament No One Cares About” break. We need superheros to emerge and score. Feels like a good day for Dieng and Trapp to each notch a goal because…well…umm…who else is gonna do it? 2-1. COYL - Wonderwall needs to be sung.

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Super Grover in Knight Helmet and Cape

ALT: Super Grover in Knight Helmet and Cape

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 25/07/2026

Bad combo platter: injuries, team looking bland, Caps tough opponent, wins on summer vacation - the out look today not good. Fans will bring it, but Loons fall to Caps 2-0. We need to bring Wonderwall back home, but probably not tonight.

static.klipy.com

Swedish Chef Gets Knocked Out on Muppet Show

ALT: Swedish Chef Gets Knocked Out on Muppet Show

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 19/07/2026

@loonybinpodcast.bsky.social Maybe we get a Muppet “half of extra time” show

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 05/07/2026

No one on his staff told him Balogun is a birthright citizen. Ooops. Knowing FIFA and Trump this story is unremarkable. Sad, but unremarkable.

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 19/06/2026

This is the only proper dance move if the DJ plays “Kung Fu Fighting”. Congrats to Canada on win. Hope Poch breaks out some running man moves tomorrow in front of USA bench.

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 18/06/2026

Only if the “window” is supplied by David Beckham & The Home Depot.

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

🎶 Is this the REAL life? Is this just total crap. Caught in a matchup of Luna vs Trapp Open your eyes, look up to the scoreboard and see… 🎶 Loons score from open play twice today (a real stretch, I know). We get to sing Wonderwall, not Bohemian Rhapsody, and all is good going into summer. COYL

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Gonzo and Muppet Chickens Shocked

ALT: Gonzo and Muppet Chickens Shocked

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 16/05/2026

In a razor thin match the Loons defeat the disposable Revs at Gillette. Our triple edge threat of Yeboah, Pereyra & Chancalay cut like precision steel through a dull defense. Drake has some close shaves in net, but keeps the score clean cut. With James gone Triantis takes lead as “best hair” Loon

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Muppet Monster's Bad Hair Day Reaction

ALT: Muppet Monster's Bad Hair Day Reaction

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 14/05/2026

Total fail on this MN prophecy. 5 yellows (as bad as Penso). James dribbled through everyone and then did not take the shot to score on his last minute on the field. We lose and Allianz is still standing. -10 out of 10 for getting so completely wrong. 👎☠️

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 13/05/2026

Checked assignments and it appears Chris Penso is not refereeing tonight’s match. Expect that yellow cards will be down (less than 4) and a less-frustrated MNUFC squad wins against Rapids. James scores to pad his stats in his final minutes as a Loon. Fans destroy Allianz celebrating the goal.

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Muppet News Anchor Hit by Wrecking Ball

ALT: Muppet News Anchor Hit by Wrecking Ball

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 10/05/2026

Apple does well with the user interface/streaming. Camera angles, technology and sound balance is terrible for a “tech” company. Production choices are worst - shots of subs or coaches or replays when game action is occurring? First year of Apple might have been the best. No improvement since.

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 10/05/2026

Superman Returns. Loons pull out the Boxy-Duggan kryptonite to keep him off the score sheet. Meanwhile our own superhero Ant-Man leaps high above the Austin Green Goblins to score a header goal. Mr. Freeze fails to show so fans can enjoy the game sans gloves, trapper hats and long underwear.

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Flying Puppet in Helmet and Cape

ALT: Flying Puppet in Helmet and Cape

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 04/05/2026

Ok, this ad is fun and over-the-top. The USMNT winning the World Cup is not however the most outlandish part. Thinking millions of Americans are going to line the streets to celebrate for days, drink all the beer in Texas, and Zlatan shaves his head are pure not-in-this-universe fantasy.

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 02/05/2026

Columbus sailed the ocean blue The rebounding Loons defeat the Crew. Boxy might return, does our finishing start to burn. As tales of “Fitz Lives” appear to be true. (P.S. - might be a good time for a Ohio-native Spicy Billy banger)

media.tenor.com

a puppet is sitting at a desk with a red telephone

ALT: a puppet is sitting at a desk with a red telephone

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 28/04/2026

Loons California magic this season comes to an end as the Quakes prove too tough at home. Wednesday morning MNUFC fans lament a USOC exit over a much needed cup of coffee. On the bright side it means less chance of mid-week late night games in our future raising productivity in Minnesota economy.

media.tenor.com

a group of stuffed animals are sitting at a table with cups and saucers

ALT: a group of stuffed animals are sitting at a table with cups and saucers

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 26/04/2026

Loons fans disappointed, Son fans disappointed, mascot mayhem.

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 25/04/2026

LAFC rotates more than Loons giving us an edge. Kids have fun. James plays but is subbed off when rain starts to mess up his perfect hair. Cold enough that the summer Loons gear STILL stays unworn this season. Loons somehow win Fox Game of the (rotated) Week 2-1.

media.tenor.com

bert from sesame street is standing in the rain looking at the camera .

ALT: bert from sesame street is standing in the rain looking at the camera .

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 23/04/2026

Shutouts without Boxy, is that allowed? Guess so.

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 22/04/2026

Wait, a road game not in California and kick-off before bedtime??? New state and normal start time has Loons flustered at first. But have no fear we find the back of the net for a 3-1 win against FC Dull-ass and helping to defend our I-35 Shield.

media.tenor.com

two stuffed animals sit in front of a $ 500 reward sign

ALT: two stuffed animals sit in front of a $ 500 reward sign

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 18/04/2026

Referee Nabil Bensalah in his 4th MLS match will be looking to dish some yellow cards. Loons will point out Diego Chara to the ref and say “that guy loves yellow cards, give him two”. Phil Neville will wear an ugly hoodie (might be covered with a winter coat). Loons win 3-1.

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 14/04/2026

Loons still “California Dreaming”. Another late night game…so we ask: Why am I here? MN-Prophecy services closed for business on Tuesdays, so all I can predict is the game ball will be mostly round and there might be some kicking involved.

media.tenor.com

a muppet is holding a teddy bear and saying why am i here ?

ALT: a muppet is holding a teddy bear and saying why am i here ?

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 12/04/2026

We play better against 11 than 10 (headshake).

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 12/04/2026

Drake saved our bacon a lot to keep the win. He would have been happier if we just scored an insurance goal or two.

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 11/04/2026

Nectar scores from long range. Maybe not center circle long, but 20 yards plus. Same as last game Loons win because we shouldn’t. Stayin’ up late so expect zombie-stare on Sunday morning.

media.tenor.com

cookie monster is standing in front of a blue curtain

ALT: cookie monster is standing in front of a blue curtain

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 04/04/2026

Callender is an option - experienced and cool head. Pereyra and Yeboah maybe, but they both have moments of losing it with the ref. That could be entertaining.

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 04/04/2026

With Boxy, Gressel, James and Trapp out the Loons roll out the U28 line up. Drake “Don’t Call Me Old” Callender looks at the lads and says “Time to earn your feathers Loonlets”. 1-2 Loons win cause we shouldn’t.

media.tenor.com

a stuffed animal says i can do this in front of a closet

ALT: a stuffed animal says i can do this in front of a closet

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Reposted by Hal Heinze

DGS United @dgsunited.bsky.social · 26/03/2026

Yellow cards have been shown…But it's not too late to pledge to United Cards for Good - where fan pledges turn yellow & red cards into lasting change in our local community. Learn more at www.dgsunited.org/un... #MNUFC #DoGoodStuff #UnitedCardsforGood

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Hal Heinze @hsquared8.bsky.social · 22/03/2026

The lads show up today and play with pride to shake off last week’s pounding. The posts and crossbar are still our friends and taunt Seattle. Unfortunately we are the Fox game and never play well on Fox and Flounders are looking for revenge so it might not be enough. Look for a tie at 2-2.

media.tenor.com

a stuffed bird with a black headband is standing in front of a picture

ALT: a stuffed bird with a black headband is standing in front of a picture

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