The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 25/12/2024Jail broke the Orb, I now have infinite “bandwidth” or whatever, sending everyone 70 GP in “OrbCoin” now. I have been assured by my local bard that this will hold its value. 110 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 20/12/2024I pay for my fucking Orb Service just like everyone else, I will send as many hexes and mend as many buttcracks as I god damn please! 011 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 11/12/2024Sorry for the lack of wizardry, I’ve been embattled with a 7th dimensional cringe demon. 010 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 07/12/2024Sorry for a lack of communications. I’ve spent the last 72 hours concocting the most devious of elixirs. 010 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 02/12/2024Do not play “Paradise City” by Guns N Roses on your Magivox BlueFeather NoiseHorns, due to a disgusting oversight, if the volume is higher than 50% you can accidentally open a rift to the Fey Wilds. 010 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 01/12/2024There is no schedule for my posts. A wizard posts exactly when he means to. 010 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 30/11/2024What is this Elongated Muskrat creature I keep hearing about? They must be extremely elongated for everyone to be so interested in them. Someone should just cast Condense Creature on them and return them to normal. 010 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 28/11/2024On tonight’s Harvest Festival, I hereby grant all of you a single (1) cast of Mend Buttcrack per person who brings up politics at dinner tonight. 011 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 27/11/2024The fey gave me swag for my firstborn child, but y’all already know how that worked out for them. 010 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 27/11/2024I am still being hunted by a shadowy cabal of Sorcerers (still not wizards(still cringe)) for “isekai-ing seventeen middle schoolers for making fun of my hat.” God forbid a wizard have hobbies 011 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 26/11/2024Went to go get my orb re-enchanted today and they want me to sign a contract that costs 42 GP per month because of something called bandwidth? Can’t a Wizard just ponder his damn orb like the good old days? 010 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 26/11/2024I’m sorry to all young fly enchantresses and forest dryads out there but I’m married to the grind 020 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 24/11/2024Today a young necromancer came stepping on my turf, acting all tough n shit till I cast Reverse Shitting on him 010 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 21/11/2024You would think that Wizard College would warn you about the dangers of trying to bring a fictional character to life, but no, every class has a few graduates become so degenerate they end up Elriching themselves. Such was the fate of My Good Friend!! 110 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 17/11/2024Barthalamus the Pansexual Sorceler has been defeated and the parchments have been recovered. The fool didn’t realize that I had a minor in Wizard Dance. 010 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 16/11/2024Barthalumus the Pansexual Sorceler stole my fucking parchments. 011 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 15/11/2024I am currently being hunted by a shadowy cabal of sorcerers (not wizards(cringe)) for being “too good at Video Games.” 010 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 14/11/2024Been working on a spell to bring back the dead to do my bidding, but so far, all it does is summon bread 110 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 12/11/2024The low resolution child has been imprisoned within the orb. 110 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 11/11/2024Final update on the low-resolution child: he made contact with water, and clipped through the ocean. We don’t know where he is. 010 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 09/11/2024The low-resolution child has apparently taken advantage of his curse and learned how to clip through walls 011 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 09/11/2024Today a kid made fun of my orb, so I removed 87% of his polygons. Enjoy being low-rez, dumbass. 010 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 08/11/2024I don’t have time for sex I’m practicing my wizard shit. 011 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 18/11/2023Someone should mod Spider-Man 2 so you can play as the one true lord of this world FiddyCent 000 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 17/11/2023If you follow me you will be actively decreasing the quality of your timeline, and I will not be apologizing for it. 100 0
The Asexual Wizard @hotcocoa.bsky.social · 17/11/2023Finally, a new Social Media Account to never post on! 050 0
