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Jake

@handsomelysandwich.bsky.social
79 followers 121 following 224 posts

Here I am.

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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 13h
Stop! Stop! I’m already dead!
Amazon’s personal data tracker essentially says, “This guy likes JRPGs,” four times in a row.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Everybody gets one, and I guess this is going to have to be my one.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Iconic wint (@dril) tweet from November of 2011, reading “"im not owned!  im not owned!!", i continue to insist as i slowly shrink and transform into a corn cob”
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Devastation: actively compounding.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
This should be so illegal that someone is *required* to go to prison for it—no fines would be enough, no commutable sentences.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
Yeah, I could definitely see a guy named Donald Breakfast throwing homerun after homerun to Babe Ruth—just passin’ ‘em out, really, a terrible player.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
What a miserable world we live in where I can’t even be excited about Obsidian making a new Fallout. This would have been cause for celebration a few years ago; instead I’m thinking about the devs who now don’t get to work on it—many of whom probably joined the industry because they loved New Vegas!
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
“Don’t worry, guys! We aren’t cancelling any of the games we announced!” Respectfully, go fuck yourself.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
While the upholding of birthright citizenship (by a single vote—still scary) is huge, let’s not lose our righteous fury at what is being done to degrade the rights of our trans friends. As happy as I am about the former, it wouldn’t feel right to celebrate thanks to the latter.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
Can’t wait to visit the Microsoft Blood Center every Tuesday after work to provide plasma to help power the God Machine so I can get 10% off this month’s installment on my Xbox Series ∞ PaymentPlan+. Would’ve gone with PS6 but The Arena feels a little too dystopian for my tastes.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 06/03/2026
In no particular order.
Metal Gear Solid 2, Nier, Spyro 2, Fallout: New Vegas, Kingdom Hearts II, Final Fantasy VI, Pokémon Crystal, Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne, Persona 3 FES.
Not pictured: so much more.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 12/02/2026
Today I learned that Adam Ant reworked “Stand and Deliver” into “Save the Gorilla” in the early aughts to raise awareness of the endangered Central African mountain gorilla, but the original song’s co-writer (and EMI) blocked the release from happening. Probably the worst thing to happen in 2003.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 02/01/2026
The 2025 Video Game Thread — Redemption Arc
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 17/11/2025
We used to be a country. We used to have Fourthmeal.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 24/10/2025
Had a dream last night where Pete Hegseth and Stephen Miller were one guy, shifting from scene to scene. They kept trying to have me killed but were somehow not very good at it.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 23/10/2025
At the Chinese restaurant. There’s a TV playing Edward Scissorhands on full blast. Every time someone pulls up to the drive-thru, a little electronic music box plays Jingle Bells to alert the staff. The house chicken is really good.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 08/10/2025
You ever just think about the fact that Goofy has canonically had sex?
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 12/06/2025
It was an honor to contribute to this piece for FP Corporation International. @thefuzzraps.bsky.social and I are so honored, really. Honestly, very honored. I already have my official FPGRP Satisfaction Token pre-ordered—do you have yours?
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 08/04/2025
I, a thirty-year-old man, have just now learned that the “dire wolf” is in fact NOT merely the next step up from “wolf” in any self-respecting RPG, but a very real, very extinct canid species. For just a brief moment, I thought this was an Onion article.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 11/02/2025
I don’t remember when or why I set this notification.
A calendar with a note on February 11, 2025, reading:

“You have now lived longer than the duplicitous, backstabbing assassin Robert Ford—get fucked, Robert Ford!”
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 21/01/2025
Elon Musk has not done anything—ANYTHING—to warrant giving him the benefit of the doubt on this whole “odd-looking salute” debacle. He has given his existence—wholesale—to the new regime, and when you consider the utter bullshit they relied on to take back power… yeah, it’s a Nazi salute. Fuck off.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 04/01/2025
The Mega Bloks Movie, featuring the surprise hit single, “Everything Is Bad”
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 02/01/2025
The 2025 Video Game Thread — What will he do next?
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 01/01/2025
Throughout 2024, I catalogued all the video games I finished in a thread on Twitter. Now that I’m free of that commitment, I’m washing my hands of the place and moving over here full time. I’m going to archive my ‘24 thread here because I’d like to keep going and for it all to be in one place.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 19/12/2023
Old west bounty hunter hunting for a nonbinary bounty: “I’m-a lookin’ fer one o’ them there they/thems.”
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 02/12/2023
I was at Walmart earlier and the Ed Sheeran Pokémon song came on. There are no further musings, that’s the tweet.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 20/10/2023
Scorsese doesn’t miss.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 21/09/2023
It seems like the more advertisers I block over on Twitter, the more ads they throw on my timeline. Joke’s on them, though—now I get to block even more advertisers.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 30/08/2023
After spending the last few months doing absolutely everything in FFI-V (and XVI!), I started up FFVI today and was immediately hit with “Oh, right, this is the best one.”
Platinum trophies for FFI-V and an 82% trophy completion rate for FFXVI.FFVI battle screenshot of Terra casting Magitek Missile against the game’s first boss, a goofy little snail named Ymir.
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Jake @handsomelysandwich.bsky.social · 18/08/2023
Happy to be here, Johnny.
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