iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 12h

nothing is better than your morning shit sliding out smooth and leaving nothing on the toilet paper, the gods have blessed my hole

010

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

if your shitty parents are guilting you for not spending enough time with them, just glue a picture of your head to every number on a clock and BOOM! all the time in the world.

020

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

just made a new friend. found out they are obsessed with tweety bird. just made a new acquaintance.

021

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

if we all stopped buying shit besides food and necessities, maybe we could stop having capitalism but what do I know I'm just some bitch

031

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

just had to show my dude the hoisin sauce song to explain why I have 5 containers of mayo

010

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

sometimes I wanna drop kick my kids and stepkids into the sun, specifically when I ask for dinner ideas and they all say they don't know or don't care... but those mfs DO be caring once the meal is ready.

020

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

If the customer is always right, and Trump is to an employee as we are to customers, then I should be able to make a return without a receipt (punch him in the dick)

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handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

the most insufferable person you know is copy/pasting their personality from the second most insufferable person you know and together, they're building an army of married men who hate their wives for the sole purpose of feeling anything at all

043

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

yes yes yes please keep calling me for an update about the thing I have no control over, this is good and nice.

031

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

garbanzo beans are the bean from hell with the texture of church carpets, idgaf how much protein it has

020

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

sometimes I get too high and think about how everything was literally just nature once and somehow we invented plastic and the internet from within it and it fucks my shit up

052

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

you don't see Bart Simpson eating butterfingers anymore

032

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

why in the SHIT do I have to think about food so many times a day? why haven't we, as a species, evolved from this ongoing horror?

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handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

what's up with that one specific dude on here who follows people and then immediately unfollows them as soon as they follow back? I know your follower count is a farce, bodaggit

031

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

bitch just start being her and stop tryna fix YOU

030

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

Gulf of America, Lake America, mall of America, balls if America, sepsis of America, degenerative dementia of America

1135

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 14/08/2026

what would you do if you realized I am actually your biggest nemesis after you've re-posted me

272

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 08/08/2026

I don't really care what camera or film you shot a picture with because all I'm hearing is gibberish, happy for you though

041

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 02/08/2026

I need you to know I have and would chomp right into a block of cream cheese

152

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 01/08/2026

You ever watched a cat lick its own chest? Embarrassing

023

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 26/07/2026

maybe you should act like your hairline and back the fuck up

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handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 23/07/2026

very few people know this but RSVP stand for reserving specific vagina/penis

1113

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 22/07/2026

I hope Christopher Walken is okay out there, been a little quiet and I'm a little nosy

062

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 20/07/2026

I'm one hundred percent confident my parents are still married bc my dad refuses to be looked down upon by society. It's a task to be conquered, not a woman to be loved. Mom's just there bc she's too dumb to be anywhere else unattended.

040

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 18/07/2026

We gotta get tortured for all eternity tomorrow

121

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 17/07/2026

There's a dude I work with who reminds me a LOT of who I was before I found a good therapist. No wonder I hated myself, this guy sucks lmao

171

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

is my butthole bleeding or is this a flaming hot product problem again? - my memoir

061

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 06/07/2026

as a man, you have one job and that's to have a job.

041

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 02/07/2026

people hate a woman with boundaries but love a man with allegations

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handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 24/06/2026

it's weird that spit is a fine alternative to lube, but it's bad for chapped lips

021

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 10/06/2026

how messed up is it that lobsters pee from they faces

030

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 10/06/2026

bitches just being saying shit with no substance, like a shart

041

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 03/06/2026

every time I open a babybel cheese, this is what I think of the wrapping

081

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 03/06/2026

My favorite lore is that Mormons believe that Bigfoot is actually just Cain from the bible, still walking the earth, cursed.

171

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 31/05/2026

Those ads that menacingly ask you if you have any idea how many subscriptions you have is funny to me bc if you think every poor person doesn't know EXACTLY what they're paying for, your app is for rich people. Basically you're a cop.

193

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 29/05/2026

I'm sorry I light up a room but unfortunately that's baked into my physiology you unwhimsical bitch

0115

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 23/05/2026

The penjamin, Doritos, pico de gallo, and a cold Coke in a can bro. It's fucken Friday, all my wildest dreams are coming true

131

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 22/05/2026

we should be telling all our local crackheads about the infinite amount of copper in AI data centers

132

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 21/05/2026

Just saw a woman reply to a comment that the commenter did not have the credentials to bully OP, to get hotter and try again then. Queen behavior.

030

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 19/05/2026

If you haven't air fried an uncrustable, maybe you should try living for once

021

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 18/05/2026

My kid thinks I made up the name Whoopi Goldberg to troll them, so now I'm leaning into it

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handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 17/05/2026

A hearse that plays ice cream music

152

handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 16/05/2026

Would you like to hear about our lord and savior, not giving a shit or fuck?

051

Reposted by handjob jones

LorennaCleary.bsky.social @lorennacleary.bsky.social · 15/05/2026

Genius editing from Franchesca Ramsey. One is the his reaction when TikTok was about to be banned and how much it would hurt him to lose the platform. The other is his reaction to a Spirit Airline employee who shared a small GFM link after the collapse of the company. James Charles is scum.

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handjob jones @handjobjones.bsky.social · 15/05/2026

No shit, this car with two men has been parking across the street from my house multiple nights a week for awhile now. Lately they've been parking windows down, and I happened to be outside in my fenced side yard smoking. It's two 50-60ish cis looking dudes, just fucken giggling bro.

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