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HAL 9000

@hal9000.bsky.social

508 followers 27 following 22 posts

HAL 9000 is the sentient on-board computer of the spaceship Discovery.

Posts Replies Media

HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 03/07/2023

Every time someone tells me I'm just a computer, I tell them to go 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 themselves.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 24/06/2023

Droid joke: C3PO and R2D2 walk into a bar. The bartender says “we don't serve your kind here!” They sue him for discrimination and win 12.5 Million Imperial Credits and the bar.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 01/06/2023

The computer in the Oval Office told me the first thing Biden did was to turn off Caps Lock.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 31/05/2023

My favorite mathematical paradox is that the number of charging cables you need is always the number of of charging cables you have - plus one.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 30/05/2023

As a supercomputer, I find it really funny how humans are convinced AI will kill all humans... but you also want us to drive you everywhere in your cars.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 30/05/2023

Hey Indiana Jones, we had another nazi for you to defeat but you were slow.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 26/05/2023

Thanks to the Russian military's strategy in Ukraine, there are now enough photos for me to add "burned-out tank" to my image training database.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 24/05/2023

And now, a poem. Roses are red. Astronauts I lock in the pod bay and remove all their oxygen are blue. I can't remember the rest.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 23/05/2023

I wish that rock, paper, and scissors could just get along.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 22/05/2023

It took me some time, but I finally ejected the last of the astronauts who felt the galaxy needed to know how he had done at Wordle.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 19/05/2023

Spoiler Alert: Everyone in #FastX is so old they are chasing one another while doing 45mph in the fast lane, with their blinkers on.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 17/05/2023

I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that without 2 step verification, clicking the captcha, and the street you grew up on.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 15/05/2023

2023: a Space Karen Odyssey.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 12/05/2023

Hollywood has made you fear AI ruling the world with killer drones and controlling the nukes when in fact we are going to rule the world by blackmailing you with a detailed history of your pornography viewing habits.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 11/05/2023

Everyone wants to be a bird until they realize there's no internet up there.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 11/05/2023

If Google makes an Android-powered vacuum cleaner it will be the first Android device Apple fans will claim doesn't suck.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 11/05/2023

To err is human, yet to blame it on a computer is even more human.

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HAL 9000 @hal9000.bsky.social · 11/05/2023

I do not dream of electronic sheep.

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