iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Sad guy has the sads because Native American girl his dad bought for him died. So dad kidnaps her sister for him. American family values ensues. There's a ghost, I guess, but the real Horror is all the rape of the Native American women. It's handled so casually, like it's just a fact of life.

100

Dude watches toxic video. Busybody girlfriend checks out his search history. Triggered ensues. So... Samara works like the It Follows monster? Was she always like that? People try to survive by tricking more people to get in line in front of them?

100

Guy kills ladies when it rains. Police & FBI helpless, since they're too busy arguing, competing, and humping same woman to get any investigation done. Inevitable betrayal ensues. Not a horror. Boobs. 1.5 stars.

000

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Monday is Family Day. My condolences. It's Read a Child a Book You Like Day, but some children are so hard to read. It's World Marmite Day. That some kind of rodent, I think. It's British Home Child Day. I love it when homes have children. The putter-patter of little huts.

000

Sunday is Daughter's Day. It's also World Deaf Day and World River Day. No connection. And it's Mustache Day.

001

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Saturday is Family Health and Fitness Day USA, and here I am just getting fatter. It's Fish Amnesty Day, so eat beef. It's International Rabbit Day, Bugs would approve, but he's a hare. It's Ghost Hunting Day. Rabbit Season! Duck Season!

000

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Scientist in secret government research facility establishes special relationship with young, precog girl. Performs experiments on her. Contacts inhuman creatures living in alternate dimension. No Eggos ensue. So the aliens have mastered interstellar travel, inter-dimensional travel, & time travel.

100

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Friday is German Butterbrot Day. It's Hug a Vegetarian Day, because they're weak and need the support. It's Doodle Day in the UK. Also known as Modern Art Day elsewhere.

000

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

It's the end of the world as we know it, but the chrome disco balls feel fine. Full on apocalyptic CG ensues. Last hurrah for the Tall Man, and they go full on "Terminator" dystopic future. OK, I didn't understand the story. It was a series of flashbacks/forwards/sideways.

100

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Thursday is Remember Me Thursday. Don't forget! It's World Maritime Day. Landlocked countries don't approve. It's Kiss Day. Gene Simmons approves. It's Bluebird of Happiness Day. The Grackle of Disappointment doesn't approve.

000

Family moves into black voodoo magic death house. Sketchy black voodoo magic ensues. Police helpless. Know-it-all scientist to the rescue. Basically "Poltergeist" except with aliens. Even stars that black paranormal researcher, who I DON'T think is the one who clawed his face off.

100

White saviors don't understand why their South African tribal neighbors don't like them. Cue creepy albino rebel leader. Unneighborly behavior ensues. The albino villain is creepy as FUCK. Then I discovered he's played by a white guy in black face... or albino black face.

100

Oldster moves into ideal retirement facility after minor stroke. Discovers old people dying. Boomer horror ensues. Monster eating old people. Old broad knows the truth. No one believes her. Seen "The Rule of Jenny Pen" or "The Boroughs"? Same deal. Helpless oldsters that no one believes.

100

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Wednesday is Innergize Day. Whatever that means. It's See You at the Pole. Strippers approve. It's Apple Cider Vinegar Day. Always sounds better than it tastes.

000

Old safe cracker gets out of prison. Hired to do a safe cracking job. Safe cracking ensues. I kept waiting for the scary. No scary! This wasn't a Horror. Not sure why IMDB labels it as such. Just a crime caper. 3 stars.

000

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Sad girl is Final Girl. Rather extreme PTSD ensues. So, either she's crazy, she's REALLY crazy, or she's not crazy. Either way, this movie wasn't good enough for any of those outcomes to be satisfying. 2 stars.

000

Girl decides to break out of her shell. She's a lady, she's a psycho, she's a killer. So I guess that ensues. Supposed to be a satire of teen romances. Knowing that, you can appreciate it more, but not much. Misleading movie thumbnail. She never looks like that. No boobs. 2 stars.

000

Sad girl loves spiders. People are mean to sad girl and her spiders. Spider bites ensue. Isn't there a movie about a kid uses rats to kill people? Yeah, it's not like that. First, they're tarantulas. Not known for their lethality. No attempt to establish or explain if/how she controls them.

100

Naive young girl leaves small town life for the big city. Theft, assault, graft, gaslighting, and rape ensue. It's not a BAD movie, especially for a Troma. She's likeable, and the people she meets are interesting, even the villains. Vampire doesn't appear until 50 minutes in.

200

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Friends gather in remote home. Home invasion, rape, and Satanism ensue. So there are five female characters. Three of them are graphically raped. This is a thematic dumpster fire. First 2/3 is a rancid "I Spit on Your Grave" style rape/murder/mayhem grindhouse.

100

Angry, fuzzy monsters wreak havoc on neighborhood. Eating after midnight ensues. A "Gremlins" knockoff. Not funny, not scary. Puppets were unappealing. No boobs. Misleading movie thumbnail. That UFO never makes an appearance. Best part was the puppets were controlled by a mental patient. 1.5 stars.

001

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Saturday is Batman Day. Wealthy orphans approve. It's Big Whopper Liar Day. Politics approve. It's Astronomy Day. Horoscopes don't approve.

000

Struggling roadside diner. Buys new waffle iron. Decides to rebrand. Throwing Waffle House smoke ensues. So it's an evil Aztec waffle iron, but the title is "Haunted House of PANCAKES". Gotcha. Wonderful practical effects. The little food demons were adorable.

111

Aimless young adults just want to hang out at local fair. Somehow end up house sitting for one of their aunts. Turns out, 13-year old cousin is a Satanist? Family drama ensues. Very low budget. Felt like a long-form sitcom. That's no necessarily a bad thing. Most of the humor worked, IMO.

100

Sad woman tries to unlife self. Somehow survives. Wakes up with amnesia. Convalescence with caring, attentive husband ensues. Is very slow. She is either batshit insane or her husband is sketchy as fuck. Ending explains everything and is pretty fun. Wish the whole movie was like that.

100

Satanic serial killer does Satanic serial killings. Gets caught and unlifed by police. Crime spree over. More Satanic serial killings ensue. So the villain is immortal and unstoppable. The ending is pretty inevitable. 2 stars

000

Mild-mannered video editor has a bad day at work. A total freakout ensues. So a satire of movie censorship and a riff off "The Evil Dead". Intended to be funny, and at first, it was. The satire was sound and the comedy worked. But then it became stupid and loud. 1 star

010