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Noah Goldfarb

@goldfarbwrites.bsky.social

129 followers 370 following 127 posts

Author | Mensch | Funny??? Querying for EXTRAMAGICAL AFFAIRS (80k-word comedic low fantasy) goldfarbwrites.com substack.com/@goldfarbwrites Watch me read: www.instagram.com/reel/DHvh73RuMV8/…

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Noah Goldfarb @goldfarbwrites.bsky.social · 19/06/2025

What's your favorite Vonnegut novel??? I'm reading The Sirens of Titan rn and it's reminding me how much I love him. Where should I go next? The whackier the better. #booksky #satire #books #reading

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Noah Goldfarb @goldfarbwrites.bsky.social · 14/05/2025

#WriteSky #WritingCommunity #WritingPrompts #AmQuerying #Humor #RomCom #WIPSnips

Angelica’s fingers wrapped around Ben’s shoulder and shouted into his ear, “Why would you stick with a woman who’s trying to hook up with her ex?”
“I’ll have you know,” Ben said proudly, “she hasn’t even considered it since Wednesday, so… uh…”
“You should value yourself more highly,” she told him. “You shouldn’t be with anyone who would hurt you like that.” Ben glanced around the crowd, searching for said woman. “You deserve the best. I could give you that. Remember your foot, Ben. Make the right choice.”
He peeled away and began cutting his way through the crowd, away from her. He began to draft a text to Margaret: “Where are you? No sign of Nat. On way out—”
“LET ME GO!”
“MA’AM, PLEASE CALM DOW— GAH!”
Ben looked up and found the source of the commotion just in time to see the bag clip pop out of his wife’s hair and fly into the face of the bouncer who had her in a bearhug. The massive man released Margaret and grabbed at his nose as blood began to drip onto his shirt. Ben hightailed it after his wife as she fled out of the club.

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Noah Goldfarb @goldfarbwrites.bsky.social · 09/05/2025

Read Catch-23: How to Feel Heard in Your Marriage, Even if Your Wife Doesn't Read Your Substack #humor #substack open.substack.com/pub/goldfarb...

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Noah Goldfarb @goldfarbwrites.bsky.social · 07/05/2025

#WIPSnips #Authors #Humor #WritingCommunity #Writers #Comedy

While the phone rang, Ben stared off at the sign hanging above the restaurant: Orlando Swamp Grub & Drink. It depicted a squared-up gator in a flamboyant lucha libre costume. Backlit by the singed light of the coming dusk, the gator’s eyes were bloodshot, in what Ben gathered was supposed to evoke violent rage but appeared more like utter exhaustion. He hadn’t related this much to a reptile since his 4th grade class iguana drowned itself during Mrs. Tipp’s reading of Tuck Everlasting.
The dial tone cut out.
“Hello?”

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Noah Goldfarb @goldfarbwrites.bsky.social · 05/05/2025

#WIPSnips #WriteSky #Humor #Marriage #WritingCommunity

Margaret stepped forward and embraced him. She’d never felt so many conflicting emotions all at once before. “Do you want me to come with you?” she offered into his chest.
He wrapped her up tight. Her arms slipped from his shoulders, down his back, until they belted his immaculate rear-end. She never wanted to separate. She wished she had never asked, and hoped he would never answer. They could just stay there, intertwined like lovers are meant to be, forgetting the rest of the world like—
“Whatever you want, babe. Honestly.”
A doctor observing Margaret’s facial expression would have diagnosed with a case of sudden onset fuckyoujustsaytomes?
All Ben had done was say those words that every married person in the world comes to treasure, trust, rely on. And he had done it with such petulant innocence, like he honestly expected her to believe he didn’t know what he was really saying.
He might as well have come out and said, “For the love of God, I’d rather stick my fingers into a meat slicer than have you come with me. Oh, and by the way, you still have morning breath.”
“Good.” Margaret smiled with malice. “I also have big plans.”
Ben perked up, his guilt once again slinking off him like a second skin. “Yeah? What’s going on?”
This was her life partner she was talking to. The usual lies would work just fine.
“An old friend is in town,” she declared. “I wasn’t planning to spend time with them, but I’ve got all this vacation time piling up. I think I could probably talk Janet into letting me take some last-minute PTO.”

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Noah Goldfarb @goldfarbwrites.bsky.social · 26/04/2025

I’m 130 pages into Catch-22 and am unsure how I have managed to live 29 years on this Earth without reading this. Ever read a book that made you feel that way? #BookSky #WriteSky #Satire

Front cover of Catch-22 by Joseph Heller

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Noah Goldfarb @goldfarbwrites.bsky.social · 11/04/2025

When I read from my novel EXTRAMAGICAL AFFAIRS at @nycwriterscircle.bsky.social, I tried to focus on trusting my work + reading it with confidence. I believe the audience feeds off your energy. #authors of #booksky, what do you keep in mind when reading your materials in public? What works for you?

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Noah Goldfarb @goldfarbwrites.bsky.social · 10/04/2025

The Art of the Deal is me saying that I'll hold off on slapping you with reciprocal tariffs if you read my Substack. #grief #writers #writingcommunity #Substack open.substack.com/pub/goldfarb...

Quote from Substack: I don’t dream of bringing my dad back to life. I don’t have many of the delusional, childish ideations that Joan Didion described as “magical thinking.”

I do, however, believe that I can rebuild him in my mind, a little Mike Goldfarb, just as funny, just as insightful, just as supportive, who I can visit and chat with and keep updated on my successes and struggles.

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Noah Goldfarb @goldfarbwrites.bsky.social · 08/04/2025

The #LiberationDay #tariffs should be Dems' "Covid Lockdown" moment: Like R's did with school closures, D's can leverage widespread anger to welcome pissed-off voters into the tent. We'll need strong messaging, discipline, and a shitload of empathy. Read here: open.substack.com/pub/goldfarb...

"The most successful political messages don't try to convince the public of something they previously hadn't believed, but rather expand on, amplify, or put words to
something that people were already thinking."

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Noah Goldfarb @goldfarbwrites.bsky.social · 07/04/2025

Waiting for the stock market to open like the ending of Melancholia

Ending of Melancholia, world about to end

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Noah Goldfarb @goldfarbwrites.bsky.social · 05/04/2025

Finally, someone brave enough to tackle the intersection of the #RedSox and #grief. Featuring praise (and hatred) of rookie phenom Kristian Campbell. #WritingCommunity #BookSky #Substack open.substack.com/pub/goldfarb...

We extended Garrett Crochet. Devers started out in a big slump but seems to be coming out of it. And our right fielder Abreu might sneakily be the best player on the field.

But does any of it matter, if I can’t talk to my dad about it?

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Noah Goldfarb @goldfarbwrites.bsky.social · 03/04/2025

Here's what I read last month (S/o @thestorygraph.com!) A Heart That Works & Year of Magical Thinking were definitely highlights (or lowlights, depending on how you define it...) And the Masters of War course/audiobook was surprisingly interesting as well! Any recommendations? #booksky #reading

Storygraph summary for March. 5 books, 1200 pages read

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Noah Goldfarb @goldfarbwrites.bsky.social · 01/04/2025

Corey Booker doing his best impression of me when my wife asks me why I like the Challengers soundtrack so much

Headline stating Corey booker speech passes 15 hrs

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Noah Goldfarb @goldfarbwrites.bsky.social · 01/04/2025

Day getting off to too pleasant of a start? Here, read about my grief: substack.com/home/post/p-... #writing #grief #substack #WritingCommunity

One of the many things grief feels like is desperation for control.

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Noah Goldfarb @goldfarbwrites.bsky.social · 28/03/2025

Had such a great time reading from my novel Extramagical Affairs at @nycwriterscircle.bsky.social! Can't wait to do it again. www.instagram.com/reel/DHvh73R... Thanks to @natkimber.bsky.social @therightsfactory.bsky.social #writingcommunity #booksky #authors

Check out my reading at https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHvh73RuMV8/?igsh=NWNueDVzMGd3cmVw

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