Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 25/08/2026Target made a blackface Halloween costume for children. Apparently, “let's run this by literally anyone” was not part of the approval process. 010
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 21/08/2026Navy discusses replacing the name of a carrier honoring a heroic Black sailor with Trump's name. Officials say the carrier was originally named to honor someone who had spent years serving his country, but then Trump heard about it. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 18/08/2026Mitch McConnell is getting more paid time off than women who give birth. Apparently, the fastest way to qualify for extended leave in America is to become Senate Republican leader in 2007 and refuse to leave. #mitchmcconnell 001
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 13/08/2026Mel Gibson says Lethal Weapon 5 is trapped in film hell. Coincidentally, that's also where Warner Bros. executives file movies starring Mel Gibson. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 11/08/2026“Paris, here we come!” Girl, you are one flight of stairs away from giving birth. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 11/08/2026Trump was secretly moved in a catering truck during an Iranian threat. Nothing says “global superpower” quite like evacuating the president alongside 400 boxed lunches. 020
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 10/08/2026National Parks are losing funding to White House projects. It's the latest example of America investing in the one national monument that already has a golf course. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 10/08/2026Harry Potter fans forced the relocation of a £430 million undersea cable to avoid Dobby's grave. Apparently, even imaginary elves have better lawyers than most people. 1214
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 04/08/2026A movie theater accidentally screened Gregg Araki's I Want Your Sex instead of Spider-Man: Brand New Day. Parents described it as the boldest reboot yet. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 29/07/2026A grandmother successfully fought to bring happy hour to retirement homes. Last call will reportedly be announced before the evening news. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 28/07/2026Disney is reportedly developing a new Home Alone movie starring Macaulay Culkin. The studio remains optimistic that audiences confuse remembering something with wanting more of it. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 28/07/2026Burger King no longer offers free cups of ice water. Corporate America continues to confuse goodwill with overhead. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 28/07/2026Mitch McConnell continues to improve in rehab following a fall. Washington continues to treat retirement as a medical condition 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 28/07/2026Schools are adding pepper-spraying drones to combat active shooters. Officials say they're committed to solving every problem except the obvious one. 010
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 27/07/2026Johnny Depp will star in Ebenezer, an adaptation of "A Christmas Carol." Studio executives say they were looking for someone audiences already associated with ghosts from the past. 011
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 27/07/2026Supergirl heads to digital after just one month in theaters. Hollywood continues to treat cinemas like pop-up shops. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 27/07/2026Kevin Feige says Marvel has plans through 2042. The only thing not included in the roadmap is whether anyone will still care. 001
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 27/07/2026Elon Musk says Grok Imagine will make a historically accurate adaptation of The Odyssey. It's the latest example of Silicon Valley solving a problem no one had. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 27/07/2026A federal judge temporarily halted the Paramount–Warner Bros. Discovery merger. The studios immediately announced plans to adapt the ruling into a six-part streaming series. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 04/06/2026I’ll sit down to read a book and immediately feel the need to check my phone. Like my brain is like, “before we grow… let’s scroll.” 010
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 19/03/2026I like the idea of being someone who reads a lot. I just don’t like the part where you have to read. 010
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 26/02/2026Back in college, I had a big crush on someone, so I’d casually show up where they studied. You know, I was not like stalking, I was just being really committed to “coincidence.” 010
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 06/11/2025With this wig, Miles Teller looks like a lawyer who’s also the bass player in a Tom Petty tribute band called “Legal Tender.” 030
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 30/09/2025I don't have time to be petty, so I set aside time. 020
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 19/09/2025Whenever I tell people I’m from Texas, they think I grew up out in the country, like I was wrangling wild cattle or collecting nightcrawlers in a coffee can. But I actually grew up in the suburbs, and the wildest thing I ever wrangled was a shopping cart with a squeaky wheel at Target. 020
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 04/09/2025Only in Texas can you play ding-dong ditch and end up in an episode of Dateline. Like, I thought the worst that could happen was getting chased with a garden hose. Turns out the real risk is someone treating a doorbell prank like it’s the Alamo. 010
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 21/08/2025Wearing glasses to look intelligent is like wearing a neck brace to look more responsible. 010
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 21/08/2025I read that a guy from China built a fully working subway station for his cats. Which is amazing, because now they can ignore rush hour delays and him. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 20/08/2025Actors on a press tour always say, “He (it’s often a he) has a vision, his world-building is amazing.” Sure. Everyone says that. Spielberg, Nolan, the guy who directed Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked. All visionaries. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 20/08/2025I love when guys on Reddit post, “Check out this geeky collectible my girlfriend bought me.’” Brother, the only person who bought you that was your credit card company. Don’t drag an imaginary woman into this. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 15/08/2025So many film podcasts are like, “This scene’s awesome, this scene’s badass.” And I’m like, okay, but if I wanted that, I could just read the YouTube comments under the trailer. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 12/08/2025True crime podcasts love to say “they’re fucking monsters” which is podcast code for “I have no interest in understanding why this happened, but I do want you to know I’m better than them.” 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 11/08/2025I thought I had a Jim and Pam thing going at my last job. Then Pam called me in for a meeting. Long story short, she still has a job. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 11/08/2025Being single in your 30s is just rotating through the same four dating apps like you’re flipping through a sad little Rolodex of disappointment. 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 08/08/2025I want a prestige limited series about the woman in a Nancy Meyers movie who folds blankets for a living and somehow lives in a $5 million beach house. 000
Reposted by Goke (Go - Key)Boze Herrington, Library Owl @sketchesbyboze.bsky.social · 02/08/2025If you're using AI to write essays, eulogies, a text to your wife, I do think less of you as a person. Ceding your mental and creative abilities to a machine is an embarrassing thing and people should be ashamed to admit doing it in public. 230147494654
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 24/06/2025Having a crush on someone in HR is risky business — one day you’re planning a coffee date, the next, they’re handing you a box for your desk stuff! Guess I was hoping for a date, but all I got was a pink slip! 000
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 12/06/2025No joke today, but I want to shout out one of the funniest people I've come across in the world wide web — the Greta Gerwig-loving, amnesiac, Krakhozian historian, and lover of all things "boird" @esthertainment.bsky.social 110
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 26/05/2025Only in Texas do you see a man steering with one hand and drinking a brown-bagged beer in the other. Call it open carry, but for drinks. 010
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 20/05/2025Give it a few more years and JK Rowling’s gonna be like, “Look, I’m just saying that Voldemort had a point about blood purity.” 010
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 16/05/2025Some people get inspirational quotes tattooed. Some get flowers, or Chinese characters they don’t fully understand. But my man here? He got p < 0.05 inked on his arm — says it’s the only time anything in his life was truly significant. 010
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 07/05/2025You know how rideshares have tiers now — like Standard, Priority? What if there was a tier that was just… some guy. No car. He just walks with you. Carries your stuff. Maybe tells you you’re doing great. 010
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 06/05/2025Time: 3:45 PM Scenario: Co-Worker I find incredibly attractive: Hello, how are you? Me: Good morning Me (thinking): Nailed it. Truly, the Shakespeare of small talk. 010
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 02/05/2025Have you ever noticed true crime shows always say the same generic bland thing about the victims? “This is Jessica. She loved life. Waterskied. Maintained many positive friendships.” If I go missing, they’ll be like: “This is Goke. He loved salty snacks and mainted a vague online presence” 010
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 25/04/2025Nothing strikes the fear of God in me like “break into small groups and discuss. Academia's most effective hazing ritual. 010
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 25/04/20258:00 AM: when the summit’s supposed to start. 9:05 AM: we’re all standing around to bargain-bin Pitbull, eating half-thawed burritos. This is what professional development tastes like. 010
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 25/04/2025Spotted at an academic summit: bird-print shirt, horn-rimmed glasses, balding mullet. Man looks like he whispers about A24 films into a Shure SM7B mic. 010
Goke (Go - Key) @gjroya91.bsky.social · 24/04/2025Facebook and Law & Order: SVU are the TV dinner and shag carpet of modern life — once essential, now just… still here. 010
![[quoting a tweet by fractalcounty that reads, “today I learned that there are actual people irl who get genuinely upset if they catch you using chatgpt. like they view it as a serious moral failing in certain circles”]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:hppum4l25hcczzffastsicpq/bafkreihjvnz2ttxl7z4a2b3a4kylubobgvqxmjhwz6yuetuztzoc4g2s4y)
