Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 18/07/2026There was an ABBA tribute band in the high street today. They were brilliant, just far too loud. You could hear the drums from Nando’s. 020
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 16/07/2026I phoned my boss this morning. "I'm on the train heading to the south coast now." "What?" He answered, sounding a bit annoyed. "It's 5am in the morning! What are you doing on a train?" "You tell me," I replied. "You're the one who told me to be in Brighton early this morning!" 010
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 15/07/2026I never understood why a set of false teeth is called "dentures". They really missed a trick not calling them "substitooths". 010
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 12/07/2026My wife just told me there are 14 things I do that annoy her, plus my obsession with Wimbledon. I said, “That’s 15 love”. 030
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 11/07/2026I’ve over done it and swollen up on holiday and can’t get my ring off. Any advice please? Everyone at the water park is laughing at me. 010
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 09/07/2026I heard there might be a hose pipe ban this week. So, I’ve just bought 10 in B&Q.. 010
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 06/07/2026My friend Jay just had twin daughters and wanted to name them after himself. So I suggested Kaye and Elle. 000
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 05/07/2026Two truths, one lie, actual performance reviews from my military service; 1. Oakley is always in the sh!t, it’s only the depth that varies. 2. Anyone following Oakley into battle will do so purely out of curiosity. 3. Oakley is not completely useless. He can always serve as a bad example. 100
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 04/07/2026People that like my posts are happier, more intelligent and better looking than those who don't; according to a study I made up. 010
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 03/07/2026I was in court earlier, I said the the judge: “Your Honour, 60% of my parking tickets are bogus.” Judge: “Repeat infractions?” Me: “Fine…3/5 of my parking tickets are bogus.” 000
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 02/07/2026Is this player Mick Stubbles any good? They keep mentioning him on the Wimbledon coverage. 000
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 01/07/2026I am stuck on the M4. A lorry carrying ballroom dresses has overturned. Police are advising motorists to go slow, slow, quick quick, slow. 020
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 29/06/2026A man dining at a seafood restaurant asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, "Once upon a time, there was this lobster ..." 000
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 26/06/2026I went trainspotting once. It was surprisingly easy. They're bloody massive and make a hell of a lot of noise. 010
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 24/06/2026I caught my kids throwing Scrabble tiles at each other earlier. I said cut that out, it's all fun and games until someone loses an I. 020
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 20/06/2026Dads: Get revenge on your children tomorrow by running into their rooms at 5am to ask if you can open your Father's Day presents. 000
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 18/06/2026My friend asked, what would make me smile? I said, S.I.L. 000
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 17/06/2026I bought 10 asparagus at the store, but when l got home I counted 11. Must've been a spare, I guess. 000
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 15/06/2026I said to my daughter, "| would take a bullet for you. My daughter said, "Dad, you're probably the reason we're being shot at.” Me, “It still counts." 010
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 14/06/2026Do not attempt to put your bike on the centre stand whilst wearing wet flip flops. Stupid boy. 100
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 13/06/2026My mate has just bought a dog that only understands commands in Spanish. I asked him what breed he was, he said, “He's Espanyol.” 000
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 09/06/2026I told my mate that I am addicted to seaweed. He said “You should sea kelp.” 010
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 08/06/2026Last night I stayed in the Duke William, Canterbury on the first day of my road trip to Germany What a fantastic pub! Because I’m leaving for Le Shuttle before breakfast they gave me a breakfast hamper It was fantastic, and the chocolate velvet ruby fortified wine was delicious 010
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 06/06/2026If a bee is bothering you, don’t swat it and don’t run away. Just look at it. Because seeing is bee leaving. 010
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 04/06/2026I just wrote an apology in dots and dashes. It's my Remorse Code. 010
Gerraint @gerraint.bsky.social · 01/06/2026I absolutely refuse to accept the fact, that I fell overboard on an Egyptian river cruise! 000