iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 2h

I reached out to one of the larger tattoo places in town. They actually have several locations all around South TX and a lot of artists with impressive portfolios. The girl i got a quote from a couple months ago ghosted me. So I'm looking again.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 3h

FP took a long lunch to accompany me to my appointment so we could do lunch together after. We've been wanting to try the 51st best sandwich shop with the 9th best sandwich in America. I didn't get that one, but I got something else that's very tasty. I'm off the rest of the afternoon!

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 9h

I have an afternoon appointment so I'm taking a half day today. FP is taking the afternoon off with me.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 18h

Amelia's scar still looks red & puffy (the vet said it would) and she's not playing nice for the camera, so no pics, but she's doing well after getting the stitches out from having her left eye removed. It hasn't slowed her down one bit. She's a rat terrier mix with bad separation anxiety.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 22h

It's Stitch & Bitch night. I'm bringing my scratch art book but also a pocketful of questions to get curious about people with. I'm nervous, but strangely ready.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 23h

Shower Playlist picks this one to play off the bat! 🎶 It's gonna be a good night.

youtu.be

Suddenly [Mix Cut] (Ferry Corsten Mix)

YouTube video by BT - Topic

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

Practicing this lately. #Healing #CPTSD really is about getting the amygdala to chill out and the prefrontal cortex to come back online. #complexPTSD #complextrauma #babysteps #doingthework #healingjourney

Every time you replace "this is overwhelming" with "what's the first step?" you shift your brain activity from your amygdala (fear) to your prefrontal cortex (problem-solving).

That's neuroplasticity in real time.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

Deep down, they know the abuse was harmful and morally reprehensible. Otherwise they wouldn't lie and move the goalposts so much.

Abusers don't apologize. They aren't sorry for what they did to you.
They're sorry they got caught. They want their image safe, their version accepted, and your voice ignored.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

A thing I don't often talk about anymore is the fact that I lost 200lbs. I think I was using food for dopamine. I've been big most of my life. It's different now. Regardless my reasons, I made that change. I went through a 6mo waiting period losing 80lbs + the gauntlet of gastric sleeve surgery.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

I'm longer interested in what strangers & unsafe people think of me. Going forward, I'm doing the next right thing for me. I'm finally putting my needs first, and I need to heal this brain injury. #CPTSD #complextrauma #complexPTSD #recovery #healing #healingjourney #doingthework #babysteps

If we're going to meaningfully recover from trauma, we're going to have to be ok with being misunderstood & misrepresented.

There are people who are not interested in truly seeing us or meeting us where we are - & we have to let that have nothing to do with our recovery.

- Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle @DrDoyleSays

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

Reminder that with abusers it's about power & control.

Abuse is not a moment of anger, it is a pattern of behavior used to gain and maintain power and control over another person.
BTSADV.org

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

Fact: I almost died because my abusers tried to drive me to suicide. Fact: I did fucking *WORK* to save myself from that darkness, reaching out for help, showing up, learning, and putting what I learn in practice. Fact: My abusers have never had therapy. They don't care enough about others to.

The words "Yes, but the abuseabuse made you stronger." are crossed out. Below it says:
No, the abuse almost destroyed me. The abuser tried to destroy me. Abusers aren't heroes in any survivor's story. Survivors are their own heroes.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

FP reminded me last night one of the bananas things about my ex's cult was being forced into non-sexual little play. No consent whatsoever, just "treat and talk to this adult person who will not break character no matter what" with 2 trans women in his group. Maybe that's why he infantilized FP.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

Amelia gets her stitches out today! No more cone of shame!

Maybe some of us save animals because it helps us heal from the times when we needed help that never came. Maybe some of us save animals because we tried to save people and learned that isn't possible. Maybe some of us save animals because we simply know they deserve someone that cares.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

"Get my wife's name out of your bitch-ass mouth!"

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

I can't believe I sent my ex fucking poetry.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

🤣🤣🤣🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

*hits vape* I can't get on board with IFS. If all it is is making a little bit of distance so things aren't so intense, just say that. I can do that. I have walked through challenging my own beliefs and reinventing myself numerous times in my life, as I refine how I interpret my beliefs & values.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

My ex would also need to delete any remaining transphobic statements about FP from bsky and never mention her online again.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

I've walked away from a lot of #shame by working on #self-abandonment and self worth. It feels lighter. I'm much less depressed. The constant self hatred has stopped. #CPTSD #recovery #healing #healingjourney #babysteps #doingthework #depression #mentalhealth #selfworth #selflove #selfacceptance

1. Shame for something that was done to you
2. Shame about someone else's actions
3. Shame due to stigma or prejudice
4. Shame resulting from someone else's judgment
5. Shame for having different values than someone
6. Shame because you said no or set a boundary
7. Shame that was passed down to you by family
8. Shame about your emotions or needs
9. Shame for struggling or needing support
10. Shame that's conditioned from early life

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

I still think both Zal and my ex, knowing how depressed I was, knowing that I had ideation, hoped I would end it so they could receive sympathy while blaming me when I was no longer able to tell the truth about what they did to me. My ex was a copycat abuser at the end, to trigger me intentionally.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

FP was allowed a graceful exit because Zal knew she wouldn't loudly demand people wake up and see reality. She simply told Zal what they didn't want to hear: that Zal, as the leader, did wrong & had the responsibility to take the high road to not seek revenge, to resolve the dispute at the start.

Some people aren't sorry for what they did. They're rattled that you saw who they truly are. It was never the betrayal they regretted; it was being found out.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

Supply = narcisstic supply = empathy and emotional reactions to the abuser Narcissists often get jealous of others in their circle that need emotional support, like I did. They get jealous of others "taking" their supply that they feel entitled to.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

The covert bullying I experienced in Hawks was done within the leadership clique. Jr officership was foisted on me as a means to keep me close, to facilitate control. I gave Zal supply while being a useful flying monkey. I helped abuse & bully the previous discard victim. I did that. It was wrong.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

Offshoot of another conversation. The lap dog is an interesting case. While she admits her husband abuses her, she won't call it abuse. It's normalized. She is also a sadist that enjoys the power of harming, dismissing, & belittling others behind their backs. Not every victim chooses healing.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

I know this intellectually. Conceptually, maybe, I guess? But it wasn't just one person. It's been everyone except my wife & children. In 46 yrs, I have yet to make a real friend. #CPTSD #love #self-abandonment #unconditionallove #healing #healingjourney

CPTSD is realizing the reason you work so hard to be lovable is because someone who was supposed to love you unconditionally put conditions on it. You bent yourself into impossible shapes trying to be enough for one person. And when it still didn't work, you decided the problem was you. It was never you. It was never, ever you.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

I found out where the aggression came from. Originally an abandonment wound, the realization emotional neglect was hurting. It's an old hurt, a base cry for justice. "It's not fair!"

You don't need to run from your anger. It's not toxic. It doesn't have to be destructive. It is as much an ally as every other feeling you feel.

Your bullies &abusers want you to fear &deny &disown your anger - because anger, properly understood &managed, can empower you.

- Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle @DrDoyleSays

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

It's get shit done night. We're hoping to clean the en suite bathroom sinks. But I can't shake this irritability and I'm also tired.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

I'm unreasonably irritable today and I don't know where it's coming from. Everything is pissing me off and I'm ready to snap at someone. I have no idea why.

Debating if I should continue my healing journey or go insane

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

Can't believe I went limerant for an abusive loser hiding behind leftist politics to perpetuate misogyny and a sense of superiority. 5 years in a cult can leave you without a shred of self-respect.

Let the attachment wear off and suddenly they're no longer your soulmate... just an avoidant with a big ego, poor communication skills, zero accountability, and an Olympic gold medal in playing the victim.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

Bystanders, flying monkeys, and yes, the "non-abusive" parent that didn't get you out of there: they are abusers, too, deserving of your anger. It is ok, and many times necessary, to go non-contact with them as well. They are the most likely to demand you shrink yourself to "be the bigger person."

Stay away from people who knew the truth but stayed silent instead of protecting you. Betrayal doesn't always come through actions; sometimes, it comes through what people choose not to do.

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✨️Unbreakable✨️ @gardenlobster.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

Unfriendly reminder that Christopher Columbus was a child sex trafficker, rapist, and likely child rapist. He was an abuser and a piece of shit.

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