AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 05/10/2025Yo we don't joke about the JD round these parts, hush that. 110
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 27/07/2025I'm in the new Happy Gilmore in case any of you wanna brag that you're buddies with a rising star in showbiz. 140
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 22/07/2025My old man, who's been moshing in the great pit in the sky for the last decade, must be stoked that Ozzy is finally headlining. 020
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 21/07/2025Went for a walk and then stopped into a bar for three beers. A walk and three beers cures all that ails me. I cannot muster a shred of existential dread in the wake of a walk and three beers. 000
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 20/07/2025Absolutely devastating day. Went to get my beloved chicken salad sandwich from 7-11 (it's good fuck you) only to discover it now has a sticker that says "New AND Improved" and of course it was not improved. It's so much worse. What's happening to this nation? This is the last straw. 020
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 13/07/2025My buddy is an engineer and actually kinda helped send Katy Perry to space the first time so I think I can play a role in this 110
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 13/07/2025Panko is how it starts. Eventually, I fried some chicken breast in crumbled pork rinds and decided that I had flown too close to the sun. 020
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 12/07/2025Today's book club dish prepared because of this line on page one of A SHORT WALK THROUGH A WIDE WORLD. (I couldn't find prawns so it's just shrimp. And it's not soybean paper, I got what I could get. Fuck you, it's close enough. Also, for anyone wondering, the book was aight I guess.) 010
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 12/07/2025Ok so we smell. www.sciencefocus.com/news/earth-t...sciencefocus.comEarth may be trapped inside a giant void in space, say scientists | BBC Science Focus MagazineEarth and the Milky Way could be floating in a billion lightyear wide void – a discovery that could help decipher one of the biggest mysteries in cosmology 010
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 11/07/2025Also just realized I rhymed set and set. I blame the hour. 010
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 11/07/2025"Oh, nah, not feelin this one, I think I'll ski—" (immediately is dragged into the depths of Abaddon by scorching claws) This is my fear. 210
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 11/07/2025This was a little hard cuz I have no idea what the fuck this guy is talking about. 110
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 10/07/2025One thing being a landscaper has taught me is that perhaps the male loneliness epidemic is real, even if my particular group of buddies has managed to avoid it. Multiple times a day, a neighbor (not even a customer) will come out to offer me a water and beer & just wanna talk for like 10-15 minutes. 010
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 05/07/2025Also, and idk precisely how, this is an accurate representation of how I feel about these United States of America this Independence Day. 000
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 05/07/2025Happy Fourth. This is what being a landscaper is like when you have to set up a customer's bbq 110
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 01/07/2025NJ remains the leader in the "over everybody else's shit" clubhouse. 020
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 25/06/2025It's 100 fucking degrees and my fucking employee called out so I'm doing 15 fucking lawns by myself so if anybody has a pool and or a cold fucking beer let me know I will be by in a bit. 010
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 20/06/2025I stopped using Twitter but I hadn't actually deactivated my account. At some point I should do that but before I do I want to make sure, for posterity's sake, to preserve my favorite dumb bit that nobody liked. 000
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 19/06/2025Dude swore to me he inspected the whole lawn to make sure there was nothing there. I immediately sucked up a ratchet strap that was laying in the grass. Had to climb under my mower and cut that shit out with a razor knife. This one's on me. I knew. 010
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 19/06/2025Dude from a construction crew approached while I was finishin my last lawn of the day. "Can ya cut the house across the street we're workin on? It's real high." I look at it. 2 feet high. "Yea, when I'm done here. Just make sure there's no tools & shit in the lawn." You can guess what happens next. 110
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 17/06/2025Dropped off both my zero turns for new blades, oil changes, air filters, and spark plugs (plus one needed the deck re-leveled). Currently sitting outside the shop debating whether to go in and discover what I owe for the bill or to just change my name, dye my hair, and abscond. 100
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 15/06/2025(Respectfully) we haven't "spoken" fuckall. We can make this shit look as unpopular as we'd like but it's not slowing and we are absolutely fucked until actual heads start to roll* *figuratively** **hahahaha 000
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 15/06/2025This is the funniest possible response I'm fuckin dying. 1160
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 15/06/2025I don't even have notifications for texts. It's a better life. 000
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 13/06/2025How expensive could that REALLY be? Like, I feel like after a couple beers, 3-4 Home Depot runs, and a handful of back-and-forth texts with my engineer buddy, I could slap that shit together in a weekend for about $2k max. 110
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 13/06/2025I think what I've decided is that most people that go down that rabbit-hole are either fucking idiots, or they're very smart but are the kind of smart person that is too up their own ass to have any humility (rather than a smart person who knows they're still nothing but a flesh bag full of farts) 110
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 13/06/2025ajayequalzbeast All three ridiculous components were tongue in cheek, I promise. 000
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 13/06/2025Ooh nice I'm putting that on the brochure. You will receive neither compensation nor recognition. 110
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 13/06/2025Nah, I woke up there after a particularly grueling bender and took some pretty wicked photos. My buddy Mike made enemies with the locals when he invented a Mercurian slur so we had to bounce real quick and I left my disposable camera behind (this was in 2002). 000
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 13/06/2025This is Livin' Landscapin' LLC is running a very special Friday the 13th Special! For an additional 50% payment on top of your weekly lawn fee, I will detach one of my mower blades and use it like a machete to murder your peskiest neighbor! 100
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 12/06/2025I'm just operating on the assumption that everyone on here has pretty solid junk. 000
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 12/06/2025Had a dream last night in which I said the absolutely made-up idiom "you jerked off the dog at the orgy" (meaning—I think—"you did almost everything right but messed up one key detail") and, like, I and everyone else in the dream knew what it meant as if it was a totally common saying. 030
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 11/06/2025I should hope so. Otherwise, why bother being here at all. 010
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 11/06/2025I have literally done this at a ren faire with my ale safely holstered in a drinking horn. 230
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 06/06/20252 High Agency Males. Solid show. Some genuine laughs. Was surprised when CBS didn't renew it for a 5th season. 000
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 05/06/2025One of my employees (good kid, he's like 23) keeps calling out and I'm about 90% sure it's because he's hungover, which on one hand, come on dude you're fuckin me over, but on the other hand, hell yea brother glad you're gettin after it. 010
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 04/06/2025For anyone interested, I am just handy enough to build this about 70% as well for about 90% of the price 010
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 03/06/2025Tough cuz I hate a landlord but I love a guy who's "got a guy" 000
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 21/05/2025A point I've made (not that this is particularly insightful) is that ANYTIME you use a tool to make your life easier, you're sacrificing part of yourself. A lighter instead of a match, ChatGPT instead of a phone call. Same thing. It's up to us as individuals to draw the line. I drew mine long ago. 010
AJ! @funkyiambs.bsky.social · 18/05/2025I'm sorry but this new Nuggets coach looks like a McPoyle 010
