iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

It will be a birthday to remember, that's for goddamn sure...

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Depressing if true... I am going to bed. I had a bad day and I am going to salvage my night the best I can...but if that girl does somehow get here next weekend. (Cause she knows how I feel; but we both know it would be an insanely ugly murder/suicide if we tried to make a relationship of it.)

100

Literally no one else. None of my ex's, or the girl with the other half of my heart can evoke such, emotion. And it confuses me; because if I don't feel that way around anyone but her, what does that say about every romantic relationship I've had? Did I truly love anyone else in the last 13 years?

100

(Sigh) That was two months ago; first time I'd seen her in three years. And I want to go back, that weekend was so... goddammit I was so happy. Us trying to find my car at 3am and literally skipping down the sidewalk is the exact kind of whimsy that...I don't feel that with anyone else...

100

"In this moment, till the end of my world, the kisses we share will never be enough for me. I am betrothed to our ruin. For as long as I have words to carve your beauty into my soul." Fucks sake....I don't know how she does this to me. That girl killed a two year writing block in one weekend.

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FuegoNegro @fuegonegro7.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

(Rubbing temples) I am not sure I am happy with my decison making...I reached out to her to see if she can get to ATL next week. It's insane, because if she shows up it will be a miracle. She's my favorite muse. We would never work; we both know it. But I want her here. I am Icarus to her smile.

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Texas? Number one? Gtfo. UGA deserves that spot.

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FuegoNegro @fuegonegro7.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Well at least UGA beat ass today. Fuck Michigan and Fuck Texas.

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FuegoNegro @fuegonegro7.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

I'd probably be more excited about all this blizzcon shit if I wasn't going to be in my mid-forties when it all comes out.

FuegoNegro @fuegonegro7.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

It's so nice having my iPod back. Ugh, took four hours to get all the music back on it and the screen has a scratch on it, but it was 1/3rd of what I normally paid. Don't care how it looks, it just needed to work.

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FuegoNegro @fuegonegro7.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

My new dopamine dispenser is in the mail. Shit was on Ebay for less than $100 and went up three hours ago. 160 gigs. Snapped that shit right up. I can deal with cosmetic damage. All will be right with my world in a few days.

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Reposted by FuegoNegro

Strictly 4 My Navigators @lizzslockeroom.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

Rest easy, Peter Cullen 🥹💔🙏🏾🕊 "I'm going to an audition, I'm gonna be a truck...this is a leader...this is a hero." The best truck EVER!!!

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FuegoNegro @fuegonegro7.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

Patrick Stewart, Brent Spiner, Ian Mckellen. Stay. In. The. Goddamn. House.

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FuegoNegro @fuegonegro7.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

Death taking all the wrong people.

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FuegoNegro @fuegonegro7.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

When your therapist agrees you need to skip town for a weekend, you don't argue. The Butcher's Nails are biting and I can't wait to fly.

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FuegoNegro @fuegonegro7.bsky.social · 11/08/2026

It was a day; not gonna lie. Went to two bars this evening; ended up at my usual. Beat one of the heavyweights at pool tonight. I still have it some days. I am weary. I have made plans to leave town this weekend. I have done zero logistics. But me and Maeve need to drive. And I need to fly.

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FuegoNegro @fuegonegro7.bsky.social · 10/08/2026

Pay the mortgage, catch up with work, more laundry, figure out the best way to disinfect these bloody hooks, start planning my trip to Knoxville this weekend. Let's get to it I guess.

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FuegoNegro @fuegonegro7.bsky.social · 09/08/2026

Humanity sucks and I have no interest in their grey little lives. I refuse to listen to the pop music garbage played in stores nowadays. Leave me and my iPod classic in peace.

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FuegoNegro @fuegonegro7.bsky.social · 08/08/2026

Woke up yesterday, went to work, came home, grabbed a book, put on some ambient music and read till I fell asleep. Today. Breakfast, pick up the dry cleaning, swing by the butcher, and finish the book. Housework be damned till all that happens. Let's get to it.

FuegoNegro @fuegonegro7.bsky.social · 06/08/2026

Think I walked into a small Lesbian meetup. Lot of women in baseball caps and a lot of tall and short combos. Fascinating.

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FuegoNegro @fuegonegro7.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

If anything Xmen-97 has taught us is that Professor X stays getting his ass kicked. I'm not sure why one of the world most powerful telepaths is constantly taking Ls; but I assume they will do something to fix that soon. Bring on Onslaught! And make it a whole season please?

But that is why she is my favorite.

000

I struggle to fathom happiness without dire consequences as a juxtaposition. But she's a consistent high....And I have not been able to replicate that feeling, the uncomplicated happiness that only she is seemingly able to engender, with anyone else. Even the other women I write about.

100

(Sigh) Better get to the writing. (Looks at the sky) Not her; because she will kill me. I want this feeling; but I am not naive enough to believe can control that kind of chaos. She'd brat just to spite me if I tried. But she makes me laugh. She makes me smile. She is my muse. I don't think.

110

But I want her...here? (Sigh) And now I have to think, "Do you want her; or what she represents to you? I don't fucking know. I'm just... happy when I am around her. It is unique to her specifically and I can't explain the feeling easily. I just know that I want this feeling all the time.

100

I am so fucking tired. But as I try calm myself enough to sleep; my favored muse demands attention, her tithes and dues. (Sigh) Do not think... feel. I feel hollow, incomplete, since I saw her last. (Brain) "Watch your masochism/I can fix her penchant." I can't fix her. I don't want to?

100

Been sitting at this bar for almost four hours. Cut myself off after five beers. My mechanic is taking his time with my car; but that's why I take a day off when she needs maintenance. I ain't about to pay $60+ for an Uber back to Metro ATL from Austell and then back to get her.

000

Krysten Ritter and Alice Lane.

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Krysten Ritter. We all got one.

000

(Rubs temples) Small victories. Took the day off to do give Maeve her due diligence. (She hit 200k miles) Took my meds, remembered to eat breakfast, changed out my beeping fire detector at 4am. Just reminded myself to relax my shoulders and unclench my teeth. (Sigh) So much to do...

I want to give this the focus and respect this deserves; because she is a good friend, and I recognize that what she says is true. But I am unsure this is time to bring that shit up with me. Cause I ain't got the knives to deal with people's insecurities right now. We don't date and I'm tired.

001

Because I have never in my life called someone and been like, "We aren't as close as we used to be and I feel used. We don't go out anymore and you've been real distant." Me: Yeah, I'm dealing with life. Sorry you feel that way. Why did you take two weeks to tell me you were pissed with me?

100

That's been most of my closest friendships. I've gone years without talking to my brothers. Apparently that is...uncommon. People got lives; I assume they live them. So I have one more problem to deal with, on top of everything else, which I will discuss with my therapist tomorrow.

100

My friendships are not transactional; I do things for my friends because they are people I care about. I am admittedly unsure what reciprocation looks like other than their continued friendship and involving me in the occasional activity. But I don't get upset when they disappear for weeks.

100

But I also have not reached a level of despair that requires the intervention of my friends. I know to ask for help if I hit a singularity. But I also know my friends are strapped for cash as much as I am. We are all passing around the same $100. Dinner ain't cheap nowadays.

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