Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 15/10/2026I wish had a better sense of when I am talking too much and when a conversation should end. Talking has been THE way to get my needs met for most of my life. And since all my needs get funneled into it, I become firehose. The flood is damn near always in the way of knowing what’s wet and how much. 120 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 13/10/2026I’m so sad that the gender dysphoria was too great. I tried dyeing what little mustache I have grown, woke up and went…yeah, this actually is giving a completely different energy to what my energy is *sigh* 🪒 130 3
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 12/10/2026Therapist: “Hey can I give you a little reality check” Me: “Sure” Therapist: “Self-care is socially motivated for most people. It makes sense to me you’re struggling with it. You’re expecting motivation from a self that’s still learning how to regulate. It’s okay to need people” Me: “Okay damn” 040 4
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 09/10/2026Normal day at work: “Before I go downstairs looking for 18g and 31g needles to film, let me check if I have them in my large bag of loose needles” I have one pencil and 100+ needles in my desk drawer. This is normal 010 1
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 07/10/2026Officially have a top surgery date!! January 12th A good pre-birthday gift, and on my fav day of the week (Tuesday) I also like that it's in the part of the year that's mentally still the previous year. January 18th is when I've actually experienced another year, so this feels right. Renewing even 240 4
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 04/10/2026Planning out potential Sierra trip activities. Currently on the maybe list: • Go to a cave • Stargazing • See giant sequoias • Take a scenic drive • Go for a hike • Olive oil tasting? • Lavender shop? • Historical museum? • Sketch & photograph things 010 1
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 03/10/2026“If I go to the Sierras, maybe it would be nice to drive to the middle of nowhere on that road I deeply hated as a kid. There’s pretty views, and I bet if I look it up it’s not that bad a drive” 3 hour 16 minute drive down windy roads to go to the middle of absolutely nowhere 110 1
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 30/09/2026Testosterone continues to be a journey of new things that make one go “oh…?interesting.” Such as finally really noticing I am indeed growing facial hair because a few days after shaving I now feel light prickles from my sideburns to my neck, and some on my cheeks 120 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Gonna start calling hotdogs hotdog sandwiches to let people know I know the difference between a hotdog (sausage) and a hotdog (sandwich) 010 1
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 29/09/2026I just finished watching Project Hail Mary and I completely understand why people have become attached. I find Rocky and Ryland Grace to be so very endearing 010 1
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 28/09/2026I never quite know how to feel when this conversation comes up, but more and more these days medical providers have let me know that I’m doing everything I can. The main barrier at this point might actually be biology, and so medication might be what I’m missing the support of *sigh* yeah 130 3
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Bodies are so weird. I had 4 glorious years of only taking allergy pills occasionally (for most of my life I had to take them daily). Now I’m back to being unable to even skip a day or two without basic foods, products, plants I’m around every day giving me allergy symptoms. Like geez come on 010 1
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Even though staying up past 3am will result in poor mental and physical health the next day somehow nighttime me never believes it. Yesterday with good sleep: I feel so equipped to handle my life and feel loved by friends. Today with bad sleep: why am I alive, everything is bad, I am hated by all 030 3
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 25/09/2026My brother goes to a school with the abbreviation SA, and I still have never gotten past the jumpscare that is seeing calendar events like this 130 3
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 24/09/2026It’s really fucking cool working in the field I do and seeing people in positions of power who represent me and the people we serve. I attended two webinars today and both were hosted by disabled nonbinary doctors educating on topics that dismantle public health ideologies for better care. 040 4
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Me: “We can drive! Let’s go for a drive after work!” Me to me: “It would be helpful if we went to the store” Me: “meh meh meh meh meh” Me to me: “are you talking to your internal monologue like a baby?” Me: “AND??—we’re going for a drive” Me to me: “oh, so a baby can drive?” Me: “YUP” 020 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 23/09/2026Bleeeghhhhh I am still unwell from this iron, couldn’t get out of bed today. Bleghhhhh hatred is in my heart. 020 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 22/09/2026These iron infusion symptoms suck. I’ve never had all of my nausea treatments not work. And I’m all achy and have the chills. It feels very pathetic bc they’re not that bad. The symptoms just won’t respond to anything and I’m struggling to sleep through this. Uuuugh why did I choose this treatment 020 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 22/09/2026I have been feeling very nauseated since my iron infusion earlier, and quite upset about the lack of information or support I was given around side effect management. Thank you medical journals for describing the mechanisms of action for these symptoms. I now know what meds might help most! 020 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 22/09/2026How am I learning this many years into reading articles from medical journals that PATIENTS can publish. This is huge to me! 020 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 21/09/2026Booking my surgery out a little more than I originally thought does feel a little sad. But now I also have time to enjoy the holidays knowing good things are coming, and to plan a little trip with the over 2 weeks of vacation hours I’ve accrued (!!) 040 4
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 21/09/2026In top surgery consult #3. They have me back in the gown again 😒 I know they want to see my boobs again but geez lol, this is getting desperate 130 3
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 16/09/2026I love when my job gets into the nerdy parts of public health. I wanted an info guide on the impact of HIV and overdose on local communities of color, but realized that only raw case data exists. So I got to do math and generate lil report :D Now we can better advocate for those groups! Yaaaay 120 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 15/09/202624 hours into officially having a drivers license, and I am AMAZED at how much my everyday anxiety level has just reduced. You mean I can just go? Like any time I want to?!? I don’t need to spend significant time, energy, or money just to get food and medicine?? I don’t need to ask for help?!? 340 4
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 10/09/2026“One moment CAN change you as a person, but it often doesn’t” -Finn’s words to live by when things feel big 030 3
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Today’s work tea was the hottest it’s ever been, and tbh I’ve been drinking so much work tea these last few months I am no longer that surprised by flavored water 020 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 08/09/2026Idk what in the 2013 is up but I’ve only been wanting to listen to Call Me Maybe today???? 020 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 08/09/2026I just gotta accept that it is what it is. My body and mind deeply hate the transition from the weekend to the work week. I chose to manage my heart palpitations with beta blockers instead of anxiety meds and now I’m paying the price with a few hours of sick leave again, ugh. 120 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 06/09/2026"I don't know why I feel so bad!" -says the person who expressed: • Not caring enough for their "feel bad" diseases. • Music and tv consumption that makes them "feel bad". • Anecdotes that "feel bad" to share. • "Feeling bad" about taking care of self. The call is coming from inside the house, Nat 230 3
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 03/09/2026Sometimes you gotta slam dunk you trauma into a trash can. :) 000 0
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 03/09/2026“It is hilarious to me that you’re losing it. That’s literally just some guy” -Eloira on my blorbos 010 1
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 03/09/2026“You’re too utilitarian to be a cocker spaniel” -Eloira 010 1
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 29/08/2026l've been sitting here thinking "Wow! I feel so relaxed, calm, and good. I don't remember the last time I felt this capable of enjoying the present. What changed?" I forgot that I took CBD for my anxiety like 2 hours ago lol 130 3
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 28/08/2026Eeeeee there’s every likelihood it won’t be published, but I did a scary thing and wrote a letter to the editor for the local paper 020 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 25/08/2026Today my therapist was like: “It’s great you have friends you reach out to. A lot of people when they’re depressed get into a cycle of isolating themselves, particularly if they’re feeling shame or low self-worth. It can make those feelings worse over time. You’re doing great!” About that… 020 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 20/08/2026Thank you to the people in my life who have just let me emotionally dump lately. It’s one of the only things to genuinely help me right now, so it’s very appreciated ❤️ 020 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 19/08/2026Thank you YouTube algorithm for knowing that when I search up a video of a music artist the next thing I want absolutely is “*singer* kissing men” You’re so right 120 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 18/08/2026First thing in the morning already in it with difficult conversations. “What if we took education off your title?” Noooo, I am an educator! This is what I do! 020 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 18/08/2026Capturing my prey (eating singular pieces of popcorn like a frog) 010 1
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 16/08/2026I finally posted my first attempt at writing smut. Enjoy my Stizzy shippers #OurFlagMeansDeath archiveofourown.org/works/90599631archiveofourown.orgThe Man Before Him Was His Own - freddiemerqwerty - Our Flag Means Death (TV) [Archive of Our Own]An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works 172 7
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 14/08/2026At work lately everything that can possibly go wrong has gone wrong, and I’ve been preparing to let go of everything I want to do here. BUT there is hope! Thank you to my coworkers who believe in me and my dreams enough to advocate for me. We’re cowriting a grant for my program next week ❤️ 150 5
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 14/08/2026Thank you free items on the street gods for once again rewarding me in tough times with an item I just talked about needing to buy. I found a paper shredder on my bike ride, it fit perfectly in my bag and works! 030 3
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 13/08/2026Today I lay flat on all my breaks, laying flat is good. Then we away to the woods after work yes yes 020 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 13/08/2026I am most definitely going to plan a vacation for soon. Then being out for top surgery after that 120 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 13/08/2026Every day at work I think “at least it can’t get any worse or more stressful than this” but then it continues to get worse and more stressful. I’m at having stereotypical nightmares like teeth falling out and crying a couple times a day stress. 010 1
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 12/08/2026Very much trying to internalize these concepts rn: • I cannot change what I do not control, I can change my response. • There is 0 reason to rush, not enjoy, or avoid any action I choose to take. • My gut response is information that’s valuable to determining my actual response. 030 3
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 12/08/2026Field notes from observing my own behaviors: I think I call family when I have a need for someone to say “I’m proud of you for handling this” or “I love you and am glad you’re here”. This is precisely the wrong move. 130 3
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 11/08/2026Coming from the fandom world it is so very strange to me how many meetings people schedule as “Name x Name” or “Org x Org”. You’re just shipping us. 020 2
Nat @freddiemerqwerty.bsky.social · 10/08/2026I also was LATE to today's session. I've never been late to therapy! Yet they're like "Wow you reviewed the packet we sent? You're communicating your needs? It's okay to slow down Nat" #1 thing I hear from everyone but family is that I put way more effort into things than is needed. Idk how not?! 210 2